good bye all!!! sorry i didn't write any of you that much. i've been a bit afraid of writing much as writing reminds me of the complete freedom i had when i was not in the army and unfortunately i do not have at this moment. so i don't write as much.
being as that may i know and understand many of you might hate me for what i'm doing. but there are many things that are going on in iraq that none of us properly understand or know wexactly what to do. i admit that large institutions are clueless due to their very nature and being. so they suck and are fairly worthless. so i will not defend what is going on there because shit's happened that i didn't want to happen but now i'll do my part to help "fix"; though it might be something my government has in mind that i would not believe in. no matter i do not believe in countries and politics. these things are due to the inability fopr people to except responsibility for the actions they have taken. and nobody ever wants to pay for it. no matter how painful their guilt trip nobody truely deep down wants to deal with the fruits of their labors no matter how ill choosen they might be. my part will be as a firend to my brothers and protector. to the iraqies i will do my best to help them as long as i do not endanger my friends' lives. i will be there also as a witness for people who share the same mindset as myself--war is the worst wrong people commit to eachother. i will bring back with me all my experiences and being i am an artist i will pass this on to no matter how desperate you are to ignore the pain it will come to in a least a rund about way. shit you probably already feel it. but give this one about ten years to really soak in. god damn. this one will change people in ways we can not as yet forsee.
but remember in order to truely love anything you most find as much beauty in the dark as in the light, in you fear as in your courage because the grey spills out colors far more vibrant than simple lined contrasts ever will.
for the next year or so while i'm gone when ever it is i may be leaving i wish you all happiness if that's what you would like. may you find contentment in whatever pursuit life has offered you. also no matter how bad it may get it will only get better when it's over and life's done what she wishes to do to you. i spent nearly four years of tortured nights with painful dreams and nightmares. my life was disgusting and i wallowed in at like a pig. i felt hopeless. that's what being raped did to me. that's what losing a close firend two eeks later added to me. that's what having my heart broken multiplied. that's what my coked up drunken existence gave me. the many times where i muttered a prayer staring at some beauty that was so right for me and could only say to myself if only you could see the real me the one burried so far in this fool's clothing i'll only make you laugh. i ain't saying sobriety is the way to be; fuck AA and other people who say these are you only choices. i'm saying this is me take from it what it will give and have a great fucking year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
christopher de joe
being as that may i know and understand many of you might hate me for what i'm doing. but there are many things that are going on in iraq that none of us properly understand or know wexactly what to do. i admit that large institutions are clueless due to their very nature and being. so they suck and are fairly worthless. so i will not defend what is going on there because shit's happened that i didn't want to happen but now i'll do my part to help "fix"; though it might be something my government has in mind that i would not believe in. no matter i do not believe in countries and politics. these things are due to the inability fopr people to except responsibility for the actions they have taken. and nobody ever wants to pay for it. no matter how painful their guilt trip nobody truely deep down wants to deal with the fruits of their labors no matter how ill choosen they might be. my part will be as a firend to my brothers and protector. to the iraqies i will do my best to help them as long as i do not endanger my friends' lives. i will be there also as a witness for people who share the same mindset as myself--war is the worst wrong people commit to eachother. i will bring back with me all my experiences and being i am an artist i will pass this on to no matter how desperate you are to ignore the pain it will come to in a least a rund about way. shit you probably already feel it. but give this one about ten years to really soak in. god damn. this one will change people in ways we can not as yet forsee.
but remember in order to truely love anything you most find as much beauty in the dark as in the light, in you fear as in your courage because the grey spills out colors far more vibrant than simple lined contrasts ever will.
for the next year or so while i'm gone when ever it is i may be leaving i wish you all happiness if that's what you would like. may you find contentment in whatever pursuit life has offered you. also no matter how bad it may get it will only get better when it's over and life's done what she wishes to do to you. i spent nearly four years of tortured nights with painful dreams and nightmares. my life was disgusting and i wallowed in at like a pig. i felt hopeless. that's what being raped did to me. that's what losing a close firend two eeks later added to me. that's what having my heart broken multiplied. that's what my coked up drunken existence gave me. the many times where i muttered a prayer staring at some beauty that was so right for me and could only say to myself if only you could see the real me the one burried so far in this fool's clothing i'll only make you laugh. i ain't saying sobriety is the way to be; fuck AA and other people who say these are you only choices. i'm saying this is me take from it what it will give and have a great fucking year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
christopher de joe
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zoe