cahrizz

hello!!! the internet is finally working well enough for me to get on this site. don't you love iraq boys and girls?????? i'll tell you what...a friend of mine and a great person(one of those rare fellas who always is smiling and makes you feel good an never seems to ever know what a bad mood is like though he's always quiet and affectionate type of dudes), yeah well he got sniped in the forehead a little over a week ago. sucks. in my company no one had been murdered the whole of the tour we were supposed to be on and then we get extended. so when this dude is supposed to be home with his new baby girl...god only knows where he is. we are left to hamlet pondering life and death or in king lear or kirasaw's ran for the characters to beat on their chests and pulls their hair out and scream at the gods in askance and wonder as the fool in ran wonders why the gods torment us so for their amusement and balance it out with the wisdom of the wise man who says curse not the gods for they all weep for us; try as they might to help us in our plights man still murders brother and wrongs himself and neighbor never statisfied with the gift of life. i paraphrase of course but man...the twenty-one gun salute shot right into my heart and somehow i mae it without crying. you say why not cry and i say it's a complicated matter and believe me sometime in the next year when i'm home there's thousands of people, including myself that i will cry for.

the craziness of the chase. so we're trying to find a sniper and we're searching everybody who's around and homes and businesses and these kids get a bit of fright and wstart to run so i say to them to stop running in arabic an most stop. so i add on or i will shoot you two more stop and one starts to squirt away. so there i am sixty pounds of gear on sweating in the furnace and i have to chase this frightened kid down. i catch him running into a house with these steep as flight of stairs. it's crazy sometimes. these people are living day to day existence. so the kid comes running in and slams the door behind him. well fuck i don't know if he's trying to set me up or what's gonna be behind this door. i admit i got revenge in my heart at this point but i restrained somehow at the same time. so i kick the door down and there's his ma washing dishes and the kid with big eyes trying to burrough into the back of his skull as if they had legs and were gonna carry him away somewhere. and they know it, know who and why i'm here sort of. i walk in the kid inching backwards never taking his frightened eyes off me and i'll tell you what i don;t imagine i look like the kind of guy you want walking towards you at this moment. most of the niceness, the caring are gone. i grab him by the scruff of the neck telling everybody to get down. i get 'em down the kid'll have known of it so i pick him up with one hand toss him down. check it, i say kid but he's like 17-22 and taller than me. one of my guys comes in behind me and shit starts getting crazy for a sec cause he's got the father and someone else. the mothers starts crawling on her knees grabbing our hands and our boots and kissing them and begging us not to take her son away. we just want information and to know he didn;t pull the trigger. i got the feeling these people do this a lot only it's not us that are there but people who will cut their heads off. a fucked up place i tell, truely fucked.


and now this is the time when i start to complain about love and not having any and how a girl got me hooked and so i said i'd wait and i got sent back here and it's been over fifteen months since i got laid and that's embarrassing sort of but really not healthy and all i do have the time is ream of girls as if i were in highschool again in the all boys catholic school dreaming of this girl an that and man this isn;t right because my heads gonna explode and there's no privacy and you can only whack it so many times in so many ways and then you have to have read philip roth's portnoy's complaints to know the twistedness of youth and then you start thinking about heating up so bologne and then you realize nah but there's girls walking around but there's sexual harrassment no place to really fuck and then there's the whole thing that we aren;t allowed to fuck over here and if you get caught and army girls are notorious fgor diseases and then and then and then....aaarrrgghhhh!!!!

it's humorous for sure. this surely teaches me a lesson about having rules and breaking them and especially when those rules apply yo women. never date a girl who's in a relationship! my first big rule broke it. bad bad me. and i appologize for that one. never date a girl while in the army. you figure less than a year left home from deployment ain't no way i'm coming back here and then i was on a plane. and if you saw jarhead and the wall of shame that's nothing compare to the stories i hear and these are wives people. never have a long distance realationship. have you ever seen one work???? rare. rare rare rare. i've only seen people get hurt. though i'll say this much though, special considerations must be made for gurls from other countries. i'm starting to believe that american women are where it's not. just a small critique i have as of late. ladies...make a fucking descion. be beautiful, be independent and for christ's sakes be strong. i love those attributes in a woman. but don't be all schizoid and not able to understand who and what you are. look. if i go walking down the street in tight jeans and underwear popping out my crack people are going to look. and yes i have a fantastic ass. so i'm going to hear things from boys and girls so what. if i wear something like that yeah i'm gonna get stared at so i accept it. it is not sexual harrassment and you know what i get i kick out of it and i know you do also. look, back in the days when i was in a band and in college i went to a party. picture this: i wore a crushed velvet dress, deep marron, with fishnet shirt on underneath and fishnet stockings and combat boots. i wore eye liner and had a mohawk. the first party i went to well i'm not gonna brag but i wasn't sitting in a corner all alone.

i was about to go across town in chicago stoned and drunk and at like midnight on the subway and el. so i took off the dress an wore something a bit less open for the public to come at me with. which really means i threw on a black tee and some jeans. why? because i know i was gonna have people staring at me and i wanted to enjoy my high and all the ladies i was with. now check it...dress sexy with confidence, but know when you cross a line that you know is there don;t freak out. remember you are strong, independent and beautiful so of course all those suckas are gonna drool after you. idiots are going to take a shot all hopped up on liquid courage and they'll probably make an ass of themselves and then there's those ass holes yeah well there everywhere. let me tell you they;re not all straight and for fucks sake they just love to grab ass or lean in too close to say some shitty line and smile and i can smell their last meal on their breath. but that's life right?

shit i went way out where i lost the thread and didn't get to what i mean. fuck it i need some loving cause loving's all i got. anyway anyone who wants three days of craziness(at minimum) where you find it hard to walk later you know who to look in a few months because damn i almost forgot my other rule, absolutely never have sex with an alaskan chic--too high of a disease rate and i ain't using no dental dam to do what i love to do,
peace cheerios and some cornflakes in you mofooking dreads,
chris