well i was thinking of doing one of those year in review type of things and having a top ten list sort of thing. but honestly i don't think time and experience are so easily measured this way. i wish it were so simple. sometimes we want to believe that simplicity is the angel we can't capture. me i think capturing anything is to take from it it's life and the very attraction itself. the same reason why so many people want the girls or boys they can't have. but then one day i think you grow up. you look around your world and you see that we all live in these different worlds and share them on one plane of existence. and sometimes we are lucky enough to find those people who for whatever reason inhabit a similiar world. sometimes we can share our world with them and they get it so much so that it feels like you can have a conversation with a look.
personally, i feel that we all have the ability to peer through the illusions that not onloy we broadcast but others as well. this realm of the pyschic can be even less mysterious than you think. for instance go into a room in somebody's house, apartment dwelling what have you and there it is, their mental state. what they are willing to reveal to you can be the state they have cleaned up. but it's always there. but i am going round about into a discussion i didn't mean to get carried away with at this particular time.
what i want to talk about is how we just fucking all want pretty much the same damn things with variations. how in this pursuit we simply cut our own foot off to help others and to cure our fears and pains. how when you read shakespeare he makes fun of the disallusionment of our passions. the greedy furnace of the heart. and the moment so slowly crosses a line and bam! there is no more the innocense that pusued a love with permissiveness of infactuation but now the deception of the heart to its own soul and the snares and prisons. you could take a play and instead of counting the characters as their own representations of individuals say it was one man's mind or heart that spoke these impish words and wondering upon what travesty truth may judge them. it matters not how the context is created in this sense for it mirrors the world of experience.
and frankly could you imagine how boring the lack of personification of a man questioning his being and whys what nots in a room? a fridge buzzing. the lifting up and placing the telephone down. the scratching of the head. an occasional piss break and all the drama provided by the daily shit. an empty apartment strewn about with the reminders of the past pulled into the presnt like a tombstone wearing with age. glitzing book advetsing their own selves growing duller and duller the paper yellowing. ennui is one thing but that surely would be torture to sit through.
so where am i going with this? why war? why fear? why the bringing about of death in the form of murder? is this world really so full of jagged, bitter pills that it is better to choke to death than take your medicine? as rem puts it, everybody hurts sometime. then why the shallow pretension and the judgements of others for their joys and happiness. since when did i smile become the threat to anybody else's right of expression. when did this madness take the stage and fear permeate so deeply that one believed that in the past rosier cheeks had not inside fantasized about the flesh of others? that sex without marriage didn't happen. and how could anybody seriously give creedance to the notion that homosexuality has not belonged to humans since the begining but only now is it wrong and this god and that one said so and that god is absolute and righteous. how blind is one not to see the masks? that snakes became evil becasue some man could no longer take the assault of his OWN mind that delievered his torturous passions to no avail on the woman he found fair?
this cycle hurts me deeply. it is not necessary to bring logic to this equation. trust in a heart. and know the taste of fear and understand that in each and every one of us is the darkest evil and the greatest good. that black white only help us to read words not the meanings behind the words. it is a grey grey world full of bright sharp contrasts. it may be easy to pick a piece of grass but to know the result of having done so may beyond our reach. the delicacy of life itself is interesting.
so in blowing out my candles this year i will share with you my old wish. and if you say that the wish won't come true it hasn't yet. please, please let us find peace and harmony. let us end the trifles of war and see what greatness comes from creation rather than destruction.
chris
personally, i feel that we all have the ability to peer through the illusions that not onloy we broadcast but others as well. this realm of the pyschic can be even less mysterious than you think. for instance go into a room in somebody's house, apartment dwelling what have you and there it is, their mental state. what they are willing to reveal to you can be the state they have cleaned up. but it's always there. but i am going round about into a discussion i didn't mean to get carried away with at this particular time.
what i want to talk about is how we just fucking all want pretty much the same damn things with variations. how in this pursuit we simply cut our own foot off to help others and to cure our fears and pains. how when you read shakespeare he makes fun of the disallusionment of our passions. the greedy furnace of the heart. and the moment so slowly crosses a line and bam! there is no more the innocense that pusued a love with permissiveness of infactuation but now the deception of the heart to its own soul and the snares and prisons. you could take a play and instead of counting the characters as their own representations of individuals say it was one man's mind or heart that spoke these impish words and wondering upon what travesty truth may judge them. it matters not how the context is created in this sense for it mirrors the world of experience.
and frankly could you imagine how boring the lack of personification of a man questioning his being and whys what nots in a room? a fridge buzzing. the lifting up and placing the telephone down. the scratching of the head. an occasional piss break and all the drama provided by the daily shit. an empty apartment strewn about with the reminders of the past pulled into the presnt like a tombstone wearing with age. glitzing book advetsing their own selves growing duller and duller the paper yellowing. ennui is one thing but that surely would be torture to sit through.
so where am i going with this? why war? why fear? why the bringing about of death in the form of murder? is this world really so full of jagged, bitter pills that it is better to choke to death than take your medicine? as rem puts it, everybody hurts sometime. then why the shallow pretension and the judgements of others for their joys and happiness. since when did i smile become the threat to anybody else's right of expression. when did this madness take the stage and fear permeate so deeply that one believed that in the past rosier cheeks had not inside fantasized about the flesh of others? that sex without marriage didn't happen. and how could anybody seriously give creedance to the notion that homosexuality has not belonged to humans since the begining but only now is it wrong and this god and that one said so and that god is absolute and righteous. how blind is one not to see the masks? that snakes became evil becasue some man could no longer take the assault of his OWN mind that delievered his torturous passions to no avail on the woman he found fair?
this cycle hurts me deeply. it is not necessary to bring logic to this equation. trust in a heart. and know the taste of fear and understand that in each and every one of us is the darkest evil and the greatest good. that black white only help us to read words not the meanings behind the words. it is a grey grey world full of bright sharp contrasts. it may be easy to pick a piece of grass but to know the result of having done so may beyond our reach. the delicacy of life itself is interesting.
so in blowing out my candles this year i will share with you my old wish. and if you say that the wish won't come true it hasn't yet. please, please let us find peace and harmony. let us end the trifles of war and see what greatness comes from creation rather than destruction.
chris