cahrizz

then you see you got another text. "I;m sorry for not talking to you. I just need some time right now." But does it mean time because oh shit I'm thinking deeply about you shit? Or is it I need some time because I'm really fucking busy at the end of the semester because I'm fucking taking 21 credit hours and extracurricular activities? Do women purposely try to drive us nuts. My sense is I freaked out but she doesn;t want to say it because she's not sure what to do with me combined with the end of the sememster bull shit. It scares me to death...figuratively. I mean there's a ton of rad chics out there but my standards are pretty high so that sort of limits them. I require high intelligence, independent/strong-minded and good-looking. But I forgot to list caring as a high quality. Fuck this limbo shit sucks. In a week she'll be home. A week ago an ex-boyfriend was mentioned. A fucking ex out the blue mentioned as in the life. He threatened her basically. Saying she should quit her job or he'd have her fired. But it was the way she said it all. The details that were left out. I'm battering around in a small room I like to call denial. It's done I think. And it'll make me sad. but I've fucking had enough of that in my life. I don't want to waste another day for a long time being sad in any fucking way. But it's gonna happen, I know it. It's how the pysche heals itself. But fuck. My metaphorical heart's starting to become knotted and scarred up. I mean how will I ever trust another girl after this? Another one. It's been a bad streak. I'll have to date a girl and dump her just to make believe i have some control over life. Fuck.

Oh no, it doesn't surprise me in the least. Learned about that a while back. I'm just a stupid and unable to throw away my ideals. I wanted that intimate friendship thing. But I'm fairly sure I fucked that one up some years back and until sometime in the future when things happen to work out in some amazingly lucky way I'm just going to be true to my nature as a manwhore.

Hopefullly I'll run into a lot of girls that like it hard and fast, ropes, chains and some pain.

Oh she phoned me Monday and said she decided to take a mini-vacation, went camping didn't take her phone and was sorry for not telling me grudgingly so. HA! I'm thinking I'm still going have me my fun summer. If anyone's interested I frankly go all night. My immediate goal is to get the girl off eight times before I go my first time. Everyonce in a while there's a girl that knows some tricks and disrupts that a bit. But I'm usually not the one saying I'm sore and need to stop. So if anyone needs a good shag and nothing more and you're decent looking enough I'll be your living sex toy for a night and if you're good enough and appreciative enough I may even give you an encore performance.

most men are assholes so by the time we find a good guy, we can't believe he's actually nice. we're kinda just waiting for the moment when we can say "i knew you were an asshole too!"

lol. That's fairly true but short-sited. I could say that most women are gold diggers looking for a guy to take the place of their fathers as well. But that would also be short-sited. It would betray an insecurity. To me at the base it has to do with fear and hardwiring. I feel for you girls now a days. It seems to me many of you are confused by your societal roles. Now that you are able to do anything you want you're still being tugged at traditional roles. I experience the confusion myself, just not quite at the same level. But I think it's the root of the fear that some guy's just using you for your body and not interested in developing a friendship as well. Or rather developing a friendship that is expressed in it's highest form by physical intimatacy. Place two people in that and well fear expressed is usually leads to misunderstanding, then frustration or anger. Then seal it off in a label that santifies the situation and provides a sense of security to move on but be careful in the future contacts.

Fuck it. Take a chance. Learn to trust yourself and hone your skills at being able to be open and judgmental of character at the same time. Be yourself and let the die fall where they may.

I know how to deal with blisters. Nine years of breaking in figure skating boots, and eight years and counting of pointe (ballet) shoes. I find it easier to just break it all the way open and let it "air out" as much as possible. And yea it gets hard and gross but meh. I only tape the thing when I have to wear shoes.

Oh... If you want different... We're definitely there! We're like punk, ska, reggae, metal, with hints of rockabilly/psychobilly and acoustic folk.

I can't wait for you to hear it! I'm excited to see how you like it now!

Jazz is a lot of taking standards and making them your own. Messing with the tempo, messing with the combo arrangement, and of course, solos. I think it's more musically creative than simply covering another bands song. (I have a jazz fake book, that is like 300 pages long. All standards. All free for me to make my own.)

And yea, my unoriginal swallow tattoos. They commemorate that I survived a suicide attempt at a college I was majorly depressed at five years ago. I got them done five years to the day. Swallows and good luck and hope, but that hasn't been the case with me lately.

Oh and Desmodena wrote me a note trying to bitch me out. Too bad she still sucks.

Hello SuicideGirls friend! This message is copied and pasted, but that doesn't mean I don't still love you, it simply means I prefer the ability to play bass as opposed to carpal-tunnel-from-re-typing! Haha!

Regardless...

If you can read this, that means I would really appreciate it if you were to check out my band, The Wrecktals! We just recorded a demo, and a couple tracks are up on MySpace, and then a track-or-two-that's-not-on-MySpace is on FaceBook.

CLICK THIS BIG PINK SET OF WORDS TO VISIT OUT MYSPACE!!!

We really wanna make friends with you! Seriously! That's one thing that a lot of bands hate... There's this nice fat fucking gap between fan and artist. Fuck that gap. Gaps need to be fucked. Fuck it! The Gap that is! So go there! And tell us what you think!

And if you are super-friendly and rad and awesome! You caaaan...

CLICK THIS OTHER SET OF BIG PINK WORDS TO VISIT OUR FACEBOOK PAGE!!!

And again, please tell us what you think! And if you know anybody who likes their punk and ska and hardcore... Please pass the good word on!

Look! We're like Rancid! Can we have some street cred now?


Wigglywigglywiggly!


This band is my baby. We are going to be successful (in terms of creating that feeling in someone's chest when they hear that song they love, not "successful" as in "money"). It's our dream and it's gonna happen through our own hard work and passion and love for radness!

But like I said, we have a demo out. You pay $4 and you get eight (wicked-quality) tracks that last almost half-an-hour, some sweet DIY eye-candy, and instant immortality/karma! That's right! Everyone who buys our demo will have their name immortalized somewhere on the next release! So make sure we know who you are! We want to thank each and every one of you who actually listened to us!

We're playing lots of rad underground shows and we support all of those who make music for the sake of creation and expression. I've been to every fucking band I can imagine within five-bajillion-miles of me, so the favour better be returned!

My name is Christoph, but most people call me Slut (short for PunkerSlut)... And you can call me Susan, if it makes you happy... But on behalf of The Wrecktals, thank you for your time! I hope you like us!

'Cause if you read all this, it means we already like you!

Live. Love. Unity.