i been gone most of the whole year underway in the middle of the ocean and when i get back...instead of hanging out with my best friend and being happy as all hell...I'm as empty as a hole.
Im not much for talking about my feelings or anything but i figure this blog thing here, well its purpose is to let your feelings loose and what not so here it goes:
I love my best friend, we known each other for years. Most of the time its just me n her hanging out doing who knows what (usually involving alcohol). This whole love thing didnt start right away, for a long time it was just being friends then we just got closer like friends do but we never crossed that line. That was ok with me i didnt feel that way with her then.
Then she gets stationed in japan and 9 months later i follow her getting stationed in japan myself. Things are back to the way it was before we got separated until one nite...some stuff happened that made me realize that she means more to me then i thought she did and thats a problem. Shes got a rule about dating friends and most of our friends over the years realize how awesome she is and admits they love her...i've seen her get burned and broken and cry for hours every time this happens because she doesnt feel the same way and i was the only one that really understood seein as i was her bst friend. Now i realize that i love her the way everyone else did, maybe more, im not one to rate how much one person loves another. The last thing i want to do is hurt her, I've seen her burned so many times by people telling her they love her i couldnt tell her...still cant. I refuse to tell her the truth, it would break her heart.
Then i go on my 8 month deployment and when i get back the first thing i do is put on my suit and she puts on her dress and we go out to a early christmas party. There were a lot of seriously attractive women there and yet i still couldnt take my eyes off of her. We spent the weekend together, maybe becoming more then what we were. Well the weekend is over and instead of getting closer we got further apart. We used to be so happy together, everyone thought we were going out for years, now instead i feel empty inside and shes angry at everything. I talk to a couple friends to help me through the confusion and i sleep on it. Woke up this morning with a realization, we are never gonna be more then what we are now and my mind is perfectly fine with it, however my heart still loves her. How can you love someone knowing full well that you are never gonna end up together, i understand the fantasy from far away thing but this isnt anything like that.
So that leads me to here and now letting loose everything i have, all the feelings and confusion and logic all together in what i think is some at least half ass form of writing. I dont much care if everyone reads this or no one...i needed to let it all loose and here it is.
Im not much for talking about my feelings or anything but i figure this blog thing here, well its purpose is to let your feelings loose and what not so here it goes:
I love my best friend, we known each other for years. Most of the time its just me n her hanging out doing who knows what (usually involving alcohol). This whole love thing didnt start right away, for a long time it was just being friends then we just got closer like friends do but we never crossed that line. That was ok with me i didnt feel that way with her then.
Then she gets stationed in japan and 9 months later i follow her getting stationed in japan myself. Things are back to the way it was before we got separated until one nite...some stuff happened that made me realize that she means more to me then i thought she did and thats a problem. Shes got a rule about dating friends and most of our friends over the years realize how awesome she is and admits they love her...i've seen her get burned and broken and cry for hours every time this happens because she doesnt feel the same way and i was the only one that really understood seein as i was her bst friend. Now i realize that i love her the way everyone else did, maybe more, im not one to rate how much one person loves another. The last thing i want to do is hurt her, I've seen her burned so many times by people telling her they love her i couldnt tell her...still cant. I refuse to tell her the truth, it would break her heart.
Then i go on my 8 month deployment and when i get back the first thing i do is put on my suit and she puts on her dress and we go out to a early christmas party. There were a lot of seriously attractive women there and yet i still couldnt take my eyes off of her. We spent the weekend together, maybe becoming more then what we were. Well the weekend is over and instead of getting closer we got further apart. We used to be so happy together, everyone thought we were going out for years, now instead i feel empty inside and shes angry at everything. I talk to a couple friends to help me through the confusion and i sleep on it. Woke up this morning with a realization, we are never gonna be more then what we are now and my mind is perfectly fine with it, however my heart still loves her. How can you love someone knowing full well that you are never gonna end up together, i understand the fantasy from far away thing but this isnt anything like that.
So that leads me to here and now letting loose everything i have, all the feelings and confusion and logic all together in what i think is some at least half ass form of writing. I dont much care if everyone reads this or no one...i needed to let it all loose and here it is.