caffeinemonkey

A man walked into a roadside tavern and as he looked over the crowded tavern,
he saw an empty bar stool at the far end of the bar.
As he sat down on the bar stool, he noticed perched on a bar stool right next
to him was a good-looking, smartly dressed woman with beautiful red hair.
"Hi there good looking. How's it going?" he asked.
The woman turned her head to the right, and looked him straight in the eye,
and without blinking one time she said,
"Listen fellow, Ill screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesnt matter.
I've been doing it ever since I got out of college, and I just love it!"
"No kidding?" said the man, "I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"

AT THE WALL

Bill Clinton, John Kerry, and George W. Bush face a firing squad in a
small Central American country. Bill Clinton is first placed against the
wall,and just before the order to shoot him is given, he yells,
Earthquake!" The firing squad falls into a panic and Bill jumps over the wall and escapes
in the confusion.

John Kerry is the second one placed against the wall. The squad is
reassembled and John ponders what his old pal Bill has done. Before the
order to shoot is given, John yells, "Tornado!" Again, the squad falls
apart and Kerry slips over the wall.

The last person, George W. Bush, is placed against the wall. He is
thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out a disaster and hop over
the wall." As the firing squad is reassembled and the rifles raised in his
direction, he grins his famous smirk and yells, "Fire!"

A very good friend of mine helps run a non-profit agency for battered and homeless women and their children out of the Chicago area. Unfortunately, the agency is in danger of closure. I know many of you are from the area so I thought I would post this and see if you could help in any way. I know money is tight but this is a worthy cause to help women and children who are in a very desperate situation. If you can not help financially they also look for donations in the way of clothing, food, furniture, etc. So as you clean out those closets for Spring you may consider donating.
Thanks for reading! Have a great week.


Dear Friends and Family,

I am sending this email to you today because I need your help. As most of you know, I have been the Director of Resale of a non-profit agency called WINGS, for the past 5 years.
This agency has experienced tremendous growth, especially in the last two years. WINGS has been a vital part of the suburban Chicago community for 20 years by providing transitional housing and services for homeless and abused women and their children; we have now expanded by opening a transitional residence within the city of Chicago.
In January of 2005 WINGS opened the first and only domestic violence emergency shelter to serve the northwest Chicago suburbs. This facility provides warm, safe refuge to women and children fleeing abuse. As a result, WINGS now has the capability to serve homeless and abused women and children at all levels of need.
This growth has been exciting and challenging. The additional cost for WINGS to run this shelter is $750,000 per year. We do not get funding from the state of Illinois due to major financial issues at the state level. We have done a lot of new fundraising to support the shelter and the growth of the agency, but we are running at a deficit to keep the Safe House open.
To avoid having to close the shelter, we are launching a major campaign for donations. Anything that you can give will help. More importantly, during the month of May, your donation will be matched. An anonymous donor has given WINGS the challenge of raising $200,000 in the month of May and will contribute fifty cents for each dollar raised during the month. This means that each dollar you give will mean $1.50 to WINGS.
I know that I have not been in touch with some of you for a long time, but I hope that we can reconnect and that you will consider helping me. I have set a personal goal to raise $5,000 and Dave and I will be making a gift of our own towards this goal. I will let you all know how we do and thank you in advance for any and all support. You can donate online at www.wingsprogram.com or you can send your contribution to the address below. Please indicate on your contribution that you are giving in response to my request.
WINGS Program P.O. Box 95615 Palatine, IL 60095

Thank you for any support you can give!

Gwen Kessler
gkessler@wingsprogram.com