Love of SELF
Here is the thing….I am so sick of my own shit, that I am bored with it to the point of wanting to do away with myself, just for some excitement. Work is really getting to me. I can hardly stand to be there anymore. It is just so fucking the same..the same people with their small little lives. I am just so fucking bored with the whole place, and it’s stupid insipid desire to make everything about selling the fucking member card, and bending over to take it up the ass from customers. No matter what is going on in my life, how I feel, if I need to just tell certain customers to go fuck themselves! Shit am I wasting my life. I am capable of so much more. I feel like every day, I go there, and put in my time, and then leave. Like it is a punishment for all the stupid decisions I have made in my life. I know I have only myself to blame for this less than nothing income I am making, and this work that trained fucking teenaged chimps could do.
I want to be making decisions on how, when, why, and where things are going to get built. Or at the least have my own clients, and not answer to any kind of bullshit, but my own. I am surrounded by burned out people, living paycheck to paycheck, just like me. And they maintain, and complain, take it up the arse, and just keep doing what they do, what we do, no matter what. I hate looking at them, and I am sure that they hate looking at me. I know I would. Failure is all I feel. Failure eats away at my insides, and makes me want to slam someone’s head into the ground full force. Or at the very least, slice off the heads of some choice individuals. Yeah I know this sounds Nuts. And in a way it is, and yet, I think we all get pushed to the point of breaking. And the only things that hold us back are based on Love. Love of family, love of humanity, and love of self. Mostly I think it is love of self. I will write more later. Now, I must sleep……..
SAE
Here is the thing….I am so sick of my own shit, that I am bored with it to the point of wanting to do away with myself, just for some excitement. Work is really getting to me. I can hardly stand to be there anymore. It is just so fucking the same..the same people with their small little lives. I am just so fucking bored with the whole place, and it’s stupid insipid desire to make everything about selling the fucking member card, and bending over to take it up the ass from customers. No matter what is going on in my life, how I feel, if I need to just tell certain customers to go fuck themselves! Shit am I wasting my life. I am capable of so much more. I feel like every day, I go there, and put in my time, and then leave. Like it is a punishment for all the stupid decisions I have made in my life. I know I have only myself to blame for this less than nothing income I am making, and this work that trained fucking teenaged chimps could do.
I want to be making decisions on how, when, why, and where things are going to get built. Or at the least have my own clients, and not answer to any kind of bullshit, but my own. I am surrounded by burned out people, living paycheck to paycheck, just like me. And they maintain, and complain, take it up the arse, and just keep doing what they do, what we do, no matter what. I hate looking at them, and I am sure that they hate looking at me. I know I would. Failure is all I feel. Failure eats away at my insides, and makes me want to slam someone’s head into the ground full force. Or at the very least, slice off the heads of some choice individuals. Yeah I know this sounds Nuts. And in a way it is, and yet, I think we all get pushed to the point of breaking. And the only things that hold us back are based on Love. Love of family, love of humanity, and love of self. Mostly I think it is love of self. I will write more later. Now, I must sleep……..
SAE