The Musings of and Old Man
These are the musing of an old man. I was talking to someone I work with tonight. We were discussing how your metabolism changes as you age, and how you can not eat as much after about 25, as you once did. She is 22, just beginning this adventure called life as an adult. It struck me how even though there are 18 years between us, that the distance is not that great. It really does not take that long for all of those years to pass. It seems like 17 lifetimes ago for me, and yet, just as if it were yesterday. I have been so many places since then. I have been married twice, and divorced twice. I have helped to raise children, watched as my nieces and nephews have grown to adulthood, and had children of their own. I have seen friends die, watched as they married, had children and almost divorced. And life has gone by so very quickly. I want to live all of the days that I have left on this earth full out. No regret or fear, with as little pain and drama as is possible. I hope to let those that I love know every second of every day, that I love them unconditionally. I have waited so long to live my life for myself. I have put my dreams and ambitions on hold in deference to someone else's need or desire. Now is my time. I have to go now. I have to fly now. I have to do all the things that need doing, before I am dead. I realize it is having turned 40 that has made this ever so clear to me. I know more than half my life is gone. And what the hell have I really accomplished? Who would miss me if I died tonight? Who would even begin to care? What would it matter?
It is time to clean my plate, to make a way in this world, to contribute in a positive manner, and to see the future I have been fantasizing about be made manifest. I can not wait any longer. There really is not any time to hesitate. I do not want to end up alone and unworthy of a proper burial. I want to see the light in the eyes of my children. I want to touch the lasting substance of what I have created. I want to know that just one person will miss me when I am dead.
I will start today. I will take one step at a time. I will do that which the day lends itself to doing, and when I lay down to rest tonight, I will deserve my bed. I will know that I have done all that I can do to move my life forward. And I will wake up on Thursday and try. I will try.
Besos y Pesos
~Scott
These are the musing of an old man. I was talking to someone I work with tonight. We were discussing how your metabolism changes as you age, and how you can not eat as much after about 25, as you once did. She is 22, just beginning this adventure called life as an adult. It struck me how even though there are 18 years between us, that the distance is not that great. It really does not take that long for all of those years to pass. It seems like 17 lifetimes ago for me, and yet, just as if it were yesterday. I have been so many places since then. I have been married twice, and divorced twice. I have helped to raise children, watched as my nieces and nephews have grown to adulthood, and had children of their own. I have seen friends die, watched as they married, had children and almost divorced. And life has gone by so very quickly. I want to live all of the days that I have left on this earth full out. No regret or fear, with as little pain and drama as is possible. I hope to let those that I love know every second of every day, that I love them unconditionally. I have waited so long to live my life for myself. I have put my dreams and ambitions on hold in deference to someone else's need or desire. Now is my time. I have to go now. I have to fly now. I have to do all the things that need doing, before I am dead. I realize it is having turned 40 that has made this ever so clear to me. I know more than half my life is gone. And what the hell have I really accomplished? Who would miss me if I died tonight? Who would even begin to care? What would it matter?
It is time to clean my plate, to make a way in this world, to contribute in a positive manner, and to see the future I have been fantasizing about be made manifest. I can not wait any longer. There really is not any time to hesitate. I do not want to end up alone and unworthy of a proper burial. I want to see the light in the eyes of my children. I want to touch the lasting substance of what I have created. I want to know that just one person will miss me when I am dead.
I will start today. I will take one step at a time. I will do that which the day lends itself to doing, and when I lay down to rest tonight, I will deserve my bed. I will know that I have done all that I can do to move my life forward. And I will wake up on Thursday and try. I will try.
Besos y Pesos
~Scott
Who would miss me if I died tonight? Who would even begin to care?
...Ah, you know the answer! How does it go? "Live begins at 40"?
Take care!