So I'm at work right now.. it sucks.
I hate mid shifts. I pretend to like my coworkers, but except for Justin (and occasionally Theresa), I think they're all douchebags. The girls are all bitches, and the guys are just dumb. I particularly hate one of the girls on shift with me. She's half black half puerto rican, and completely obnoxious. She acts like I'm an imbecile, which is annoying because she's the one who never shuts up, despite having nothing of importance to say. Theresa is cool sometimes, but I don't trust her at all. The others just bore me. I'm dating Justin, but I still don't even trust him because despite all his talk about not really liking the others, he spends a lot of time laughing it up with them.
I miss my old office, I miss my friends.. I still spend as much time with them as I can.
Andrew leaves for Korea in December. It's going to be strange without him. Gnat, Tiff, Andrew and I are pretty much inseperable, so splitting us up is a crazy inevitability. I was hoping to make more friends at my new workcenter, but I don't see that happening. True friends only come along every great once in a while. Those three are my family now.. nobody can replace them.
I've been really depressed since I got on this shift. I hate my job. I was so eager to get over here and see what it was like, and now I hate it. I would give anything to be back in Public Affairs. I know for a fact that I will not be re-enlisting in the military. I want so badly just to be a civilian again, go to college full-time and pursue a career I enjoy.
One of my shipmates committed suicide last week. I was really shaken up by it - everyone else was upset, but despite not knowing him that well, I understand why he did it. That's the part that scares me - I understand. Three straight months of mids, never seeing your old friends, trying to keep your life in order while working this insane schedule, not getting enough sleep, spending your days off playing catch up on chores and mundane things that need to be done... it's depressing and when you're faced with another year of it streching out ahead of you, I can see how someone would snap like that. He bought a gun and blew his head off. I won't commit suicide, but here lately I have been wanting to go to mental health and beg them to let me out of the military before I have a nervous breakdown.
God, I'm depressed today. I want a normal life so badly.
The breakup didn't help things. Steven was my rock, my sense of stability in all this change, and now he's gone too. I'm dating Justin, but I don't see it getting serious anytime soon, if ever. He's too much of a flirt, and I can't handle it. I need someone who is ready for a relationship. Sometimes I'm talking to him and it's so perfect, but then he gets around his "friends" and I want to strangle him. I know it isn't going to work out so I don't know why I'm even bothering. Fuck him and fuck trying. I honestly feel ready to give up on dating for a while.
I just want somebody who can look past the fact that I have all these flaws and appreciate the fact that I'm trying to fix myself. I have a messy house, I can't cook, I get lost easily, I'm terrible at math and I don't like to get dressed up unless I have a reason. I get upset easily, but it's usually nothing that can't be fixed with a hug and some patience. I get jealous, but only when I have reason to. I like attention, but I don't need it all the time. I don't think I have any major character flaws, but I can't seem to find a guy who will overlook all the minor ones.
I hate mid shifts. I pretend to like my coworkers, but except for Justin (and occasionally Theresa), I think they're all douchebags. The girls are all bitches, and the guys are just dumb. I particularly hate one of the girls on shift with me. She's half black half puerto rican, and completely obnoxious. She acts like I'm an imbecile, which is annoying because she's the one who never shuts up, despite having nothing of importance to say. Theresa is cool sometimes, but I don't trust her at all. The others just bore me. I'm dating Justin, but I still don't even trust him because despite all his talk about not really liking the others, he spends a lot of time laughing it up with them.
I miss my old office, I miss my friends.. I still spend as much time with them as I can.
Andrew leaves for Korea in December. It's going to be strange without him. Gnat, Tiff, Andrew and I are pretty much inseperable, so splitting us up is a crazy inevitability. I was hoping to make more friends at my new workcenter, but I don't see that happening. True friends only come along every great once in a while. Those three are my family now.. nobody can replace them.
I've been really depressed since I got on this shift. I hate my job. I was so eager to get over here and see what it was like, and now I hate it. I would give anything to be back in Public Affairs. I know for a fact that I will not be re-enlisting in the military. I want so badly just to be a civilian again, go to college full-time and pursue a career I enjoy.
One of my shipmates committed suicide last week. I was really shaken up by it - everyone else was upset, but despite not knowing him that well, I understand why he did it. That's the part that scares me - I understand. Three straight months of mids, never seeing your old friends, trying to keep your life in order while working this insane schedule, not getting enough sleep, spending your days off playing catch up on chores and mundane things that need to be done... it's depressing and when you're faced with another year of it streching out ahead of you, I can see how someone would snap like that. He bought a gun and blew his head off. I won't commit suicide, but here lately I have been wanting to go to mental health and beg them to let me out of the military before I have a nervous breakdown.
God, I'm depressed today. I want a normal life so badly.
The breakup didn't help things. Steven was my rock, my sense of stability in all this change, and now he's gone too. I'm dating Justin, but I don't see it getting serious anytime soon, if ever. He's too much of a flirt, and I can't handle it. I need someone who is ready for a relationship. Sometimes I'm talking to him and it's so perfect, but then he gets around his "friends" and I want to strangle him. I know it isn't going to work out so I don't know why I'm even bothering. Fuck him and fuck trying. I honestly feel ready to give up on dating for a while.
I just want somebody who can look past the fact that I have all these flaws and appreciate the fact that I'm trying to fix myself. I have a messy house, I can't cook, I get lost easily, I'm terrible at math and I don't like to get dressed up unless I have a reason. I get upset easily, but it's usually nothing that can't be fixed with a hug and some patience. I get jealous, but only when I have reason to. I like attention, but I don't need it all the time. I don't think I have any major character flaws, but I can't seem to find a guy who will overlook all the minor ones.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Hang in there babe.
The last paragraph you wrote was moving. I feel the same way. It almost freaked me out.
xoxox