LONG CRY FOR HELP AHEAD
Man, it is really rough being married. Especially when you've both been together for 8 years and have been the only person you've ever dated.
And especially when you've both started to move in different directions with different interests and different viewpoints on life. It makes it hard.
And also when I have a lot of health disorders that have popped up just this last year (pituitary tumor, hypothyroidism, low testosterone, rheumatoid arthritis, bi-polar II disorder diagnosed).
I would understand a divorce at this point, despite all the time put in by both parties. I would not want one because I love her dearly. And she says the same thing. But she also doesn't like the direction I'm moving in (very open and very 'come what may'), and I don't like the direction she's moving in (very controlled and very worrisome). So it's an odd clash that we're going through and I really don't know what to do.
A divorce would hurt us both dearly. I think she is the one who would really benefit from it. She would be free from the burdens of my health concerns and monetary problems. But she'd also lose the last 8 years of her life. I'm all she has known.
I think I would be messed up without her. She has been my rock and she has been there for me even if she really doesn't understand anything going on with me and hasn't really read up on any of the disorders or really put in much time trying to 'get it'. But I'd miss her and would basically also be an outcast from her family and mine because I would be blamed for it all. But so be it.
But a divorce won't happen. We'll just keep going at it. Kind of like just repainting the same room over and over again with the same color. We'll just keep on in this same vicious circle that benefits neither of us and keeps us stagnant and from moving forward in life. If anything it'll eventually start pushing us backwards- a place neither of us wants to go.
I doubt anyone has made it this far, but this entry is a cry for help. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to. I don't know who will listen or understand me or the situation. I just don't know ANYTHING right about now. I would like to know though if anyone has made it this far- please give me some advice about this. Give me your stories if you've been in similar situations. Right now, I just need some inspiration. I feel alone and I feel angry about it all. But that's just that I guesss.
To leave on a positive note, here's my favorite picture I took when I toured the ruins of Pompeii. It always gives me hope. It's like a doorway into a better place. Enjoy:
Man, it is really rough being married. Especially when you've both been together for 8 years and have been the only person you've ever dated.
And especially when you've both started to move in different directions with different interests and different viewpoints on life. It makes it hard.
And also when I have a lot of health disorders that have popped up just this last year (pituitary tumor, hypothyroidism, low testosterone, rheumatoid arthritis, bi-polar II disorder diagnosed).
I would understand a divorce at this point, despite all the time put in by both parties. I would not want one because I love her dearly. And she says the same thing. But she also doesn't like the direction I'm moving in (very open and very 'come what may'), and I don't like the direction she's moving in (very controlled and very worrisome). So it's an odd clash that we're going through and I really don't know what to do.
A divorce would hurt us both dearly. I think she is the one who would really benefit from it. She would be free from the burdens of my health concerns and monetary problems. But she'd also lose the last 8 years of her life. I'm all she has known.
I think I would be messed up without her. She has been my rock and she has been there for me even if she really doesn't understand anything going on with me and hasn't really read up on any of the disorders or really put in much time trying to 'get it'. But I'd miss her and would basically also be an outcast from her family and mine because I would be blamed for it all. But so be it.
But a divorce won't happen. We'll just keep going at it. Kind of like just repainting the same room over and over again with the same color. We'll just keep on in this same vicious circle that benefits neither of us and keeps us stagnant and from moving forward in life. If anything it'll eventually start pushing us backwards- a place neither of us wants to go.
I doubt anyone has made it this far, but this entry is a cry for help. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to. I don't know who will listen or understand me or the situation. I just don't know ANYTHING right about now. I would like to know though if anyone has made it this far- please give me some advice about this. Give me your stories if you've been in similar situations. Right now, I just need some inspiration. I feel alone and I feel angry about it all. But that's just that I guesss.
To leave on a positive note, here's my favorite picture I took when I toured the ruins of Pompeii. It always gives me hope. It's like a doorway into a better place. Enjoy:
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
I hope your able to come to conclusion and work things out i know its possible after 13 years of some pretty fucked uo shit we still got love for each other ,the hard thing is he just get it .Living with this disorder is hell you never really know when its gonna snack your ass and it feels good or it feels horrible.
I have no family to turn to im on disability right now but havent applied for the monthly payments i just feel funny bout that due to the fact my huband can take care of us compleltly IM SO SADD my eyes hurt from crying i dunno wher the hell this came from i felt so happy and positive now i just wanna be distinct.
Im so sorry i havent much advice to give do take your meds i think that kinda balances you out if not try to find a new combo.
geez these subjects cango on forever if you ever wanna talk just hit me up try be positive for you anyway , i know its hard .
Im not taking anyones side here, not even YOURS, and also .. Im not going to read through the posts everyone else has posted to see if their answers are anything like mine, it would take too long ... so if this just sounds like a repeat, then Im sorry .. but heres my advice:
You both need COUNSELING. I know, I know ... it might sound gay, but trust me on this, if u find a good counselor to help you both work through your issues, it WILL help. Sometimes it takes a mediator to help you both see whats fair and whats not. And even if you're skeptical ... just TRY it. If you love her and want to save your marriage, then you'll give it all you've got, right?
Secondly, are u on meds for your bipolar disorder? If you're not .. you NEED TO BE! There are a lot of great meds out there these days that REALLY help with the mood swings!! Ive known quite a few manic depressives in my day that were totally different ppl on their meds. If you're on meds right now .. and theyre not helping, you need to try something else, or a combination of something else.
Taking meds isnt neccessarily the BAD thing that everyone thinks it is, I dunno where that came from. Some people just *need* them.
And lastly, if you were using drugs when you guys met, then how can she expect you to not use them NOW? She knew what she was getting into .. and if u use responsibly, I dont see an issue there. You'll have to come to a compromise.
If you need to chat, Im here. Im a great listener and Ill talk your face off! Hope this helped