bwiley16

So I was sifting through my old docs folder and looking at things I had created in years past while also listening to an interesting music mix, including some vintage Matchbox 20 and I was taken back to a much different time in my life. Below is about my love at the time, who would break my heart (even if not telling me something I didn't already know someplace I wasn't willing to admit) and then continue to orbit around my life for the next several years. We practically had a standing New Years Eve date for the next 4 years. She was my Helen of Troy and I was her warm blanket, or something like that. And then she was back again amid the clamor of a very active hurricane season, I was being cool, he who cares less and it worked, or did it? Our planets in sync once again, for a little while. Distance and other things got in the way again. I've seen her since, on one particularly daring evening I met her out with an ex-girlfriend (who was my roommate at the time) and a current girlfriend and we ran into another of my exs, it was confusing. I'm sure I've dated women that have been very confused by the fact that I am still friends with almost everyone I have ever dated. But I digress.

I loved her
not from the start,
like at first sight or anything
but more slowly.
I think I knew though
when I kept coming back
on weekends to see her
waiting to hear her rebukes
for my copious drinking
reading all the emails and writing
back smiling
and then she came through
like none other before or since
and I knew then, insides tearing
when she drove away from me but still
nothing said, deferring for her sake
always deferring, why
to protect me then and my suspicions
though since proven
wrong
I was never all she needed
though for me she was more
than I could have hoped
everything was right there save
one thing
one little detail
and still we lingered,
and still I dream of her.

You (or me anyways, not fair to generalize) always want most what is just out of reach.