buzzhum

Things are a tad out of control yo.

It'll be hard to bring anyone up to date with this story. Its a recent version of the old "Can boys and Girls be freinds" thing. The girl I will refer to as "T". We dated for 6 moths or so a few years back. We both moved on to other relationships and then become friends as we both got out of those relationships as well. It shoudl be said that my reason for backing out of the relationship was because when things get/got challenging she failed to communicate. She is a bad communicator more or less. I don't think this is a secret to her that shes like that...but possibly it didn't occur to her what my reasons were.

ANYWAY

We've grown really close over the last 1 1/2 years. We hang out every weekend, as part of a little pack of other friends. We've have been a solid duo for a good year, giving insight to whom the other is dating, going to dinner now and then, meeting every weekend in the mornings for cooffee without fail. We depend on each other to more or less have each others back. Now and then we do end up in bed together, but not regularly and always after too many drinks. Its rarely been even slightly awckward as we have aready dated and ...it didn't work for wahtever reasons. I think we sort of enjoyed the dirty little secret to be honest.

Now I should say just over a year ago, as our friendship was coming together, I got all emotional on her. I don't recall what the motivation was, but one of the topics was did she think we woudl ever date again. I was being all needy and shit. Her response was that she didn't think so, but couldn't say for sure. "some things would have to change". Those things were never disscussed but I can tell you that she has seriously dated only to people since we were a couple, and both of them were kind of boring..but had money.

Anyway. The quick version of things is that: She decided that sleeping together was bad and it wasn't gonna happen anymore...but she didn't tell me. It caused some wierdness and eventually became "water over the dam" conversation about us not ever talking like we used to. I can handle being cut off....but not being left on a back burner and not knowing it. My friendship with her isn't based on occasional nookie...its just a bonus. We have been back and forth a few times but not gotten anywhere. Still..we are trying. I am fine..shes upset becasue things are changing. This led up to last night as we were out for drinks. Ive decided to use an email to a close freind to explain the rest:



Shes so sad and depressed. We met out last night and things seemd to be going well. She was happy and talking like the good ole Tara I know.

Then the girl I had a date with last week called. After I was done talking to her things took a downward direction with Tara. Jealousy was at play. This is knew...shes ALWASY pushed me to find a girlfriend.

IT makes me sad....becasue she has more or less fucked this thing up pretty bad.

Shes now hinting that she wants to be a couple. She wants to know "what I want from her". She said the feelings in her heart and the feelings in her head about me are in conflict and she doen't know waht to do. Shes mad at herself for not being able to get them to "work together" on this and other things in her life.

After a year and a half of being freinds with the occasional romp in bed...with her keeping me at arms length, of her acting romantically unemotional towards me but physical to me "when she wants it"...NOW she wants me. As long as she could have me on w whim it was OK. As long as she could privately judge me and size me up as not being waht she wants($$ in my opinion)...then she was "comfortable". Now that Ive simply stood up for myself and found some footing..had a few dates...shes all fucked up in the head. Where does the weight of all this land right now? IN-MY-FUCKING-LAP. The truth is I want things to be close to what they were. IF she had told me that the sex thing shouldn't happen anymore..I would have understood. Things would most likely be OK now.

She cried and cried talking to me last night. She is sad and or frustrated on several frnt in her life. This is simply the most up and personal right now.

I've had to manage all these emotions about her for so long that I don't see her as a genuine romantic intrest anymore. I've become an accepting friend that understands that WHATEVER the reason is..we are friends with a few benefits and thats that. I love her...I don't doubt that. I'mnot IN LOVE though and haven't felt those sorts of emotions for her in a long time.

The ..1 reason I was unable to continue a relationship with her is that she lacks the ability to communicate when things get rough. She bottles things up, doesn't talk about them, then over reacts when she gets pressured. Of course no one knows shes being pressured becasue no one knows wahts going on in her head.

Aghhh

I kept telling her she needs to take some time and think about what shes implying. I think that if and when the drama, and stress of the drama, she is feeling wears off..she may have a diffrent perspective. ITs so hard to protect someones feelings when you care aobut them...but yet I'm kind of over her selfish behavior. My thoughts are "YOU FUCKED YOURSELF"..and now I'm moving on after standing thier not being able to figure out how you could have as much invested in me and not want to date me. 1 1/2 years of being silently minmized by your standards. Most men would not only tell you to take a hike...but would say and do things to make sure you are hurting as much as you have hurt them along the way.

I got over it though. I haven't thought about this under this light in nearly a year. Now that this is a re opened case though, I am grapling with protecting my friend that I ahve become so close too, and telling her she fucked herself. ITs a heavy burden. The easy and seemingly obvious answer is to stay the course as a friend and tell her I can't turn my emotions on and off like that. She is feeling very black and white about it though.

OK...feedback??????