buzzhum

I don't even know what I'm gonna say. I've been on quite a ride the last few weeks and its all culminated to this last weekend. At least thats how I feel or see it.

Weeks of shaky hit and misses with my ex took an up swing when I bumped into her this weekend. My bandmates other band was playing at the 10High and we both went unbeknownst to each other till we ran into each other at the front door. She was sweet, and looked great. I was uncomfortable at first as I had invited a new MySpace friend (female) to the show I was at, and didn't know how to act or ...what(???). I think it went well..it was good to see her, and I think she recognized I wasn't on a date after a bit.

Halloween is always a big weekend for me. I have friends that live in a loft downtown and they throw tremendous parties. I go to these things with all I have in me and party as hard as I can. I have so much fun. This year I was much more a part of the planning and the gathering of people. I had a bunch of MySpacers and firnds form all my circles there this time. My constume was Hunter S Thompson. I do believe he will show up again in future costume situations.

The downside to being up till sunrise is it throws my body off. Its good that th party was on a Friday, becasue it allows me to get back on track to go to work on ((MONDAY))). Now the BIG LOVE bonus is that I was dog sitting for my sister that has a mini Schnauzer, and we already have big ole Bupkis. I slept from sunrise to 6 pm on Saturday all bundled up with both dogs. They were competing with each other to be closer to me and it was one SERIOUS pooch spoon fest.

Th last few weeks have been more trying then I let on. There are lots of changes being put on me. My office is gonna move EVER FURTHER away then the 30 miles it is from my home. I don't know what my next move is, but its time to make some decisions. Do I move with them, get another job, waht other job do I get? I've been putting it off untill after Halloween..and now its after halloween. Being 36 and single it just feels like its time to make some adult decisions that matter. Fuck New Years resolutions..you make life changing decisions when it hits you that its time.

I need to figure out where music fits in to my life, then put it there with good sound decisions be them easy or hard to make. Then I need to dedicate myself to making that happen. My job and my relationships, be them romatic of freindships, need to fit around THAT, not THAT fitting around the relationships. I get confused as to my priorities and let music slip away repeatedly. I also need to change my lifestyle to take better care of my body and mind. This means eating better, exercising, cutting whatever drug use out, and just making good decisions. I don't expect these changes to happen overnight. But they need to happen.



In my thoughts yesterday it came to me that I need to live up to my previous potential. I know its there. All of my friends and family know its there. Sometimes people when they first meet me know somethings there. I lost track of how valuable having a talent and a mental voice is. There are people, possibly the majority of americans, that do not posess this unique gift. They go thru life doing as they are told, gaining the things they are told will make them happy, and never digging under the surface for what will make their life truely important.

For some its children, for some its music, or politics, or just finding love and being in it. I don't know where my priorities should be in regards to all that, but I want to find them. To refer to my favorite music line of late.

"I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live"