I was looking through the front page @bloghomework and was suddenly hit with the perfect story for my homework. It's perfect because its also a cautionary tale that I think a lot of models and dancers/ performers can take something from..
SO hope you enjoy! @missy @rambo @lyxzen
OKAY So I started modelling and taking up freelance dance jobs when I was 19, in my first year of uni. I was doing some TFP and talking to a lot of new people and photographers to work with. Lets face it majority of photographers are male.. This was also when I started doing Nude work and I joined Model Mayhem. I also started to develop what I call..
Good Gut Instincts
This was used for when I started working with people, hell now days I can tell from the first email from a photographer whether it'll be a good idea to work with them. If I get bad vibes from them I won't work with them sometimes for no apparent reason. Because my gut instincts have never lead me astray before.
AND sadly a lot of models I know and hear about don't have this and they get themselves into some sticky situations at shoots, repeatedly and they wonder why.
My story comes from the FIRST and ONLY time I ignored my gut instinct and I ended up fearing for my LIFE.
I was accepted after audition into this "burlesque group" I add quotation marks because they were so far from burlesque.. they were strippers. Nothing wrong with strippers just not what I was into or what I was told the group was.. Anyway we had a couple routines and all of a sudden at a rehearsal I was thrown into learning 5 new acts, messy acts and I never saw the costumes till I was about to go on stage. I was told it was at a BIKE CONVENTION. SO I expect motorbikes, family's, fun sort a market ish/ convention type day..
We got ready at a hotel and were taken to the event in a pink stretch hummer. It was all very kool.. and I had a bad feeling about it. Hell I had a bad feeling the night before but I hold myself to a very high level of reputation being a performer, I didn't want to not just go and let them down because I had a feeling.. god I wish I had.
We step out of this hummer and instantly I can tell that where we were was in the middle of fucking no where.. s think aussie bush land with no sign of life and no traffic near by and was surrounded by walls. BIG scary muscley looking bikie guys everywhere, a lot wearing matching jackets.. I quickly took the time to study the matching patch on the jackets to realize I was at a Bikie Gang's club house.. For those living in Australia who would of definitely heard of these guys on the news I was in the Rebel Bikie Gangs Clubhouse.
And I wasn't allowed to leave.
What followed were the worst hours of my life. Being grabbed shoved and taunted as I tried to serve drinks in my underwear. I developed a quick and painful stress headache and I tried to take breaks to use my phone even though there was BARELY any reception to tell me partner to help me. But I had no idea where I was or how we got there.
I tried hiding in the toilet where I discovered there were actually families there.. families with feral kids and moms snorting cocaine in the bathroom.
I quickly discovered the other dancers were snorting cocaine and being asked to be fucked by some of the bikie guys and I was loosing it.. the moment we were told to go back stage, I ran to stay hidden from everyone. We did a couple of routines and I proceeded to witness the WORST stage management I've ever seen by the women who ran the troupe. As well as watching these girls solo's that were just straight up not burlesque. A couple came of in tears as the guys had said things to them, disgusting things or has tried to touch them,one girl claiming a guy in the audience had fingered her..
When I had my solo which I'd practised so many times, the organizer started screaming on me on stage, to take my clothes off... all of them.. my pasties.. my underwear everything.. I was so scared. I remember instantly feeling like I was having an outter body experience.. Like I was watching myself take these clothes off.. clothes I didn't want to take off, I remember as she screamed at me to go dance on the tables in front of these guys and families.. kids were still present. I remember thinking as i tried to hide myself behind the sheer cape I left on that this..
"This is something that is going to scare and shape me forever..and I can't believe I'm here.. doing this, this will never be okay with me."
I walked off and just sat stunned and afraid in till my final act.. not looking at everyone, feeling numb and dirty.
The final act I did something I had never done before.. we were all roaming dancing with clothes on, on all the tables and I look over to see the other girls, taking their clothes off, making out, pretending to fuck each other and the organizer completely naked, older than my mother and I just stopped dancing and walked off stage... breaking all my own rules of professionalism..
I quickly packed up my things, got dressed and left with one of the girls who's boyfriends picked us up.
They dropped me off home and I just fell into bed, into my partners arms and sobbed..
I'm not telling this story to scare anyone, but fact is it's the scariest thing that has ever happened to me personally.. I've experience scary things because something was happening to someone else but this was the only time because it was happening to me. There is nothing wrong with girls who strip or even so much the things the other dancers were doing, drugs and having sex, all okay things..but the fact I was not informed of any of this, the way it was happening, I was tricked, made to feel small and ultimately trapped as I wasn't allowed to leave.. trust me I asked.. is whats NOT OKAY.
Ever since then I follow my gut instinct strictly.. no matter what.. I follow rules of safety when working with new people..
Like my partner has a track my phone app on her phone and before I leave I punch in my details so she knows where me and my phone are at all times.. when I meet up with a photographer and he has a car, I take a photo of his number plate and send it to my partner. OR she just comes with me. ANYONE who tells you that you can't bring an escort to a shoot is NOT safe to work with. This goes for shows as well.. all aspects of the creative community, especially when you are taking your clothes off.
Money is just money and it'll never replace the parts of you, you'll loose by being forced into something you don't want to do.
SO BEWARE and be SAFE my loves! I know so many of you who model obviously outside of SG as well, it's so great we have so many trusted photographers on this site. The world is a big scary place out there!
I look back of photos I took of myself on the day and just WISH and PRAY that I could go back and change everything about that day..This was over 2 years ago and it still bothers me.. common sense really goes a long way!
P.S
oh the group was called Fever.. I don't know if they still exist and what was worse was the choreographer who got me into the group knew this kinda shit was going on and just let me join and when I told her after she acted so shocked and appalled.. but she knew all a long. Women SHOULD never do that to other women..
