I feel like in life we never really get away from bullies. (this is a little ironic seeing as the amazingly cute and sexy @bully set is front page right now! eeee) But seriously I wanted to talk about bullies.. those mean people in life that hurt you..
I remember being teased as a kid.. for liking pokemon and being a girl, for being a music student.. what I got a lot in high school was me and my sister were called the 'God Squad' as we were christians and our parents pastors of a church.. we are no longer christians but the bullies didnt really have a lot to do with that.
I also got the dyke thing a lot after that, getting pushed around by insecure guys in sports who couldn't understand how I went from cute girly bouncey Jess to kinda butchy dyke Jess over the course of one summer.. I changed a lot thinking its who I needed to be to be gay in this world.. I was wrong I love girly stuff and I love being a fem now.
But as we get older its harder to recognize bullies as they get better at hiding who they are.. they arnt in high school, they arnt raging full of hormones they can conceal their mean comments in being constructive criticizing employees or managers. Random bus drivers, waitresses or people in the street barely whispering to their friend as they walk past you. they're sneaking and you don't even realize you just got bullied but you feel sad and hurt and you don't know why..
I spent my one day off in bed because my heart felt heavy and I feel ugly and sad. A lot of tiny hurts over the week and I feel wounded. I dont feel targeted or bullied in the sense of what you think bullying is but just chipped away..
heres a few reasons why..
My parents think that they can now save more money for my sisters wedding seeing as they wont give a cent to me and my partner to get married, mom thought this was a funny joke.
My co worker, verbally attacking me in front of customers and calling me names because she felt hurt over something that i reported her on for doing wrong at work.. I was just doing my job it wasnt meant in the way she saw but she didnt want to listen to me or be professional about it.
My partner grew up with 6 younger siblings who she could get to do anything.. sometimes all I hear in a day is 'can you get this?' 'can you do this?' 'baby go grab that for me' I am not your slave, is it so hard for you to get it? its right there, seriously.
some of these things small, some big, some just annoying but they chip away the same spot sometimes..
I think I need to learn its okay to spend the day in bed, even if its your only day off in 2 weeks, let your self be sad and heal. But fact is bullies will always be out there, just gotta learn how to heal yourself and grow..