butterfest

When was the last time i wrote something worth while? It seems like ages ago.

Lately the seed of creativity has been stunted in me. Unable to bloom... unable to grow and develop. The ideas are there: the primordial thing that should become something more; but for some reason i cannot seem to get past this invisible wall of... wall of... shit? bullshit? fuck. I don't even know anymore.

It kinda reminds me of that scene in the Ewoks movie, where the guy falls into the water and only the magical staff can pierce the cursed lake and save the dumb kid. That is how my ideas feel inside me.

I mentioned this to my mentor and friend. "A Rut". That is what he called it. He recommended drawing circles... said that the motions would help me ease those ideas out and help flesh 'em out. -Somehow i am tempted to relate that idea to taking a dump; but i will not. There is no need to do so.

I wonder... what is the writing equivalent of drawing circles? I used to write a lot before... granted most of it was just me whining and bitching about this and that... then i learned to write about things i liked or disliked, sifting the whining and bitching to a point where i actually managed to create good content for my now neglected website. i used to write to achieve catharsis... a much needed one at that.

But all that has fallen away from my habits. I am not proud of it... and as a matter of fact, i miss it. Thinking about it, i realized that i got too tangled up in things... important things, mind you... but things that drove me away from what i really liked. And those things i liked are a pivotal ingredient of who i am. And i slowly realized, as i wrote this, that i miss who i am. I've not been myself for the better part of the last two years.

Good thing is, i am aware of this... and i am in a deep quest, if you will, to bring myself back. The transition from mindless drone, all trough the hero's journey... and into the much needed catharsis i've craved for so long.

Maybe this is what drawing circles is to writing. Sitting in front of the keyboard and just let my ideas flow. Break that curse, and push on for the ideas to bloom. Just like taking a dump, jajaja...

Great things are in my future. A radical change, and i want to take advantage of that and milk it for what it's worth.

In the meantime, i guess ill continue to draw circles... or make scatological comments about writing.

Stay close... i'll keep you posted of whats going on.