B]An end to a long and going saga with a lesbian and a friendship that could have been(refer to passed entries to see what i mean)
12:30 A.M. Tuesday, August 2
I wake up to my phone ringing. The name flashes Nikki in blue. The Outsider by A Perfect Circle plays over it. Quite fitting, considering the person who is calling. Anyway...I pick up the phone and I here her crying before I put the phone to my ear. This has happened before. That time she opened up her wrist. This time, it's because she realizes what a mistake this is, moving to AZ to be with her on and off again girlfriend, Jess. Who has her own lifetime problems to begin with.
FLASHBACK ONE MONTH EARLIER...
"I'm moving to AZ."
I couldn't believe my ears. I suppose i saw this coming though. Jess had been in AZ for a month and a half now and it was only a matter of time before Nikki caught wind of the idea of moving down there.
"Your moving to AZ???!!! To be with Jess?"
"Yeah. I need to get out of Wisconsin. I'm fucking sick of it here. No one here wants me anyway. I might as well go somewhere where someone does."
"Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, do you really think you guys can work it out?"
"Yeah! I've been talking to her like everyday and i can tell that she's changed. All she has time for now is work. She's holding TWO fulltime jobs! She doesn't have time to do drugs or go out!"
"Well, I'm not gonna lie to you, but i think this a bad idea. How many times have you guys tried to work things out in the past?? I just don't want something to happen between you two and not have anyone to turn to for help. Nikki you're alone out there. You don't anybody. That's what i'm affraid of."................................
HOW MANY POSITIVE THINGS CAN YOU SAY TO THIS SITUATION??????!!!!!!!
So, in so many words i said, I told you so. She gets pissed at me and start crying even harder now. She wants me to say something...WHAT THE FUCK AM i SUPPOSED TO SAY????!!!!
"Oh don't worry Nikki. Things will start looking up. The sun will rise tomorrow. Then you can pay for another bus ticket back home.
"
No thanks. I'm not gonna lie to her and drop some blanket over her to make her feel better. She hangs up on me. Five minuts later she calls me back.
"I'm sorry if i've bothered you tonight. I won't call you anymore if that makes you feel better. You won't have to worry about me. No one will."
"Damnit Nikki! Stop it! This isn't helping shit!"
"You're not going to half to worry. I'm killing myself."
*click*
She hangs up the phone. I know she's not so i go back to sleep.
8:00 P.M. Wednesday, 3
I call her to see if she's ok. She's drunk and feeling sorry for herself. She starts going on a rant about how nobody likes her or wants her. All of her friends don't want to have anything to do with her. This is because they all thought the same thing that i think. Moving to AZ was a bad idea. I tell her that everyone has thier own life and can't always be there for her whenever she needs them. We start arguing about us and why we broke up. This and that...she says to me to call her when i have made up my mind about what i want out of the two of us, or something to that effect.
I call her back and say that i don't understand how this makes things better. How she keeps hanging up on me. At this point, I can hear Jess in the backround. She must have just gotten home. Nikki says something to me and hangs up on me again. I call her one more time and say goodbye. She deosn't seem to want to listen and TALK about things.
At which point, Jess takes the phone and shouts,
"THEN STOP FUCKING CALLING HER!"
All my emotions for her have come to a complete stop.
I just don't care what happens to her...not anymore.
The song "Bottom" by TOOL is playing right now. Funny.
Goodbye Nikki.
12:30 A.M. Tuesday, August 2
I wake up to my phone ringing. The name flashes Nikki in blue. The Outsider by A Perfect Circle plays over it. Quite fitting, considering the person who is calling. Anyway...I pick up the phone and I here her crying before I put the phone to my ear. This has happened before. That time she opened up her wrist. This time, it's because she realizes what a mistake this is, moving to AZ to be with her on and off again girlfriend, Jess. Who has her own lifetime problems to begin with.
FLASHBACK ONE MONTH EARLIER...
"I'm moving to AZ."
I couldn't believe my ears. I suppose i saw this coming though. Jess had been in AZ for a month and a half now and it was only a matter of time before Nikki caught wind of the idea of moving down there.
"Your moving to AZ???!!! To be with Jess?"
"Yeah. I need to get out of Wisconsin. I'm fucking sick of it here. No one here wants me anyway. I might as well go somewhere where someone does."
"Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, do you really think you guys can work it out?"
"Yeah! I've been talking to her like everyday and i can tell that she's changed. All she has time for now is work. She's holding TWO fulltime jobs! She doesn't have time to do drugs or go out!"
"Well, I'm not gonna lie to you, but i think this a bad idea. How many times have you guys tried to work things out in the past?? I just don't want something to happen between you two and not have anyone to turn to for help. Nikki you're alone out there. You don't anybody. That's what i'm affraid of."................................
HOW MANY POSITIVE THINGS CAN YOU SAY TO THIS SITUATION??????!!!!!!!
So, in so many words i said, I told you so. She gets pissed at me and start crying even harder now. She wants me to say something...WHAT THE FUCK AM i SUPPOSED TO SAY????!!!!
"Oh don't worry Nikki. Things will start looking up. The sun will rise tomorrow. Then you can pay for another bus ticket back home.
"
No thanks. I'm not gonna lie to her and drop some blanket over her to make her feel better. She hangs up on me. Five minuts later she calls me back.
"I'm sorry if i've bothered you tonight. I won't call you anymore if that makes you feel better. You won't have to worry about me. No one will."
"Damnit Nikki! Stop it! This isn't helping shit!"
"You're not going to half to worry. I'm killing myself."
*click*
She hangs up the phone. I know she's not so i go back to sleep.
8:00 P.M. Wednesday, 3
I call her to see if she's ok. She's drunk and feeling sorry for herself. She starts going on a rant about how nobody likes her or wants her. All of her friends don't want to have anything to do with her. This is because they all thought the same thing that i think. Moving to AZ was a bad idea. I tell her that everyone has thier own life and can't always be there for her whenever she needs them. We start arguing about us and why we broke up. This and that...she says to me to call her when i have made up my mind about what i want out of the two of us, or something to that effect.
I call her back and say that i don't understand how this makes things better. How she keeps hanging up on me. At this point, I can hear Jess in the backround. She must have just gotten home. Nikki says something to me and hangs up on me again. I call her one more time and say goodbye. She deosn't seem to want to listen and TALK about things.
At which point, Jess takes the phone and shouts,
"THEN STOP FUCKING CALLING HER!"
All my emotions for her have come to a complete stop.
I just don't care what happens to her...not anymore.
The song "Bottom" by TOOL is playing right now. Funny.
Goodbye Nikki.