I remembered my eyes finding her there in the cold light of the morning. I closed them again and groped for her with my lips. I slid my lips across facial facets until I found hers only to have started their own blind journey. Sightless, her face wedged itself under mine. Wordless, there she breathed heavy and hot against my cool exposed skin of my neck. Our bodies glacially wedged me upward on top of her. My length pressed in and writhed against her length. Breathless, we slid into each other. Until I was done.
I retreated. Rolled to her side and burrowed my arm under the nape of her neck. Her head reflexively came in close to my shoulder. Her thigh slid in against my thigh. Her impenetrable dark mass of freshly-fucked curled into my nostrils. I inhaled deep and felt my chest burst open. I exhaled and felt the expulsion of my spirit. It ascended above my mirthful corpse.
I miss Elisabeth. I have taken to writing letters to her. Small thoughts, quotes, and statements of my affection in the daily post. In the absence of someone you love it feels like the moments that once held high importance lose all their meaning. I am distracted and it seemed for awhile that only tasks tangentially related to her were at all of compelling reason to start, continue, and finish.
The momentum of the mornings are difficult. The traditional rituals of us waking are not here currently. I find myself in the morning, miles before the alarm, awake and blinking my wide open eyes at the ceiling. Usually my hand will reflexively fish the ear buds down to the phone and see if the reason I was so wide awake was because of a message; lately it has been my cough.
Moments, every day precious moments, seem important to capture in words which I sometimes send to her but more often keep to myself.
I gave notice at work today (~ 2 months). It is usually only necessary to give two weeks but I wanted to ensure that they were aware of my departure as soon as possible. I was pulled aside after the usual morning festivities were complete and asked if there was anything that could be offered to me to stay and if I was resolute in my decision (he worried I might have a change of heart in a little time). I told him that I was resolute in what it is my heart wanted and there was not a thing that I could think of at the moment that would change it.