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burtlo

Member Since 2004

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Wednesday Aug 29, 2007

Aug 28, 2007
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I can mostly say that I do a slight disservice to the actual activity of talking with perfect strangers but yet I continue to pontificate on the matter. I often consider my environment when I am about to talk with someone but not in the sense of its actual physical layout but more of the social layout. Tactically I think of three social territories: friendly; neutral; and enemy. Three is a bit of an understatement in terms of complexity.

Friendly spaces are ones in which you are often surrounded by friends at a party and the stranger stands as an outsider to the situation. It is often acknowledged that the group's wit will dictate the humor of the discourse. The stranger, if not attending under duress, will most likely be open to engagement in conversation and often times eager to readily participate in the conversational back-and-forth that often takes place.

Neutral spaces are ones in which you might be attending as a guest of a friend or perhaps a similar social event where you are relatively surrounded by strangers but everyone is often encouraged to interact or engage each other. An art show I attended seemed to espouse this ideal of individuals communicating with each other about the art, the evening, or each other's dress. In these spaces you don't often have the advantage of the humor, language, or position that you would find in a friendly space. However, you have a common theme and are often in a similar mental space.

Enemy spaces are classically places where individuals would see an approach from an stranger as hostile. Hostile in the sense that approaching them could be considered an act in which you have some angle or you are after something. Bars, clubs, on the street, on the bus, or any number of places were people maybe in a public place but not necessarily wanting to involve themselves in human interaction.

These spaces really define minute, fluid moments within an actual physical space that often change based on a multitude of factors. External, shared events can often change the state of the environment very quickly. I am capable of identifying particular spaces in a moment but I am only recently devising strategies to gain control of the space and being able to direct it.

Gimmicks. Costumes. Gadgets. Tricks. Jokes. All serve as powerful tools in directing the space, though the quality and success of these tools are judged by the individuals that you approach and if they aren't buying it - then it's not going to work for you. My cheesy mustache has, in recent weeks, served me well in breaking down barriers even if I approach people that have not approached me. Them simply acknowledging me in the space (eye contact) usually is powerful enough to move a future interaction into a neutral space. Coupled with a tails equipped tuxedo and I am essentially a clown and nobody hates clowns (except those deathly afraid of them).

Lastly, the biggest problem with engaging someone in enemy space, is that they have not often acknowledged your existence. The approach often blindsides the person and they will most not be interested in the interaction or likely be ill-equipped to handle the interaction. People are also really very keen on body languages so often monologues, devised over the evening, to eventually share are often detectable and occasionally uncomfortable. I often recommend very quickly greeting someone with a very quick, truthful compliment, appropriate statement, or a smile and then simply fading away. The idea being that on a secondary approach, this time with a more elegant revised strategy, you will hopefully have moved into a more neutral space.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
freckle:
i met brian on the bus. don't rule it out.
Aug 29, 2007
burtlo:
Approaching you, Morgan, at GENCON was a bit more difficult than normal because I have not met a lot of SG people in the wild that I have been previously familiar in a digital sense. I also hesitated a few times instead of immediately approaching you.

I wouldn't rule out meeting people on the bus, it's just an a much more guarded experience for some people. Though I recently became friends with Nessagirl after meeting on the bus...she had a Rollergirl sweatshirt, which made it very easy to start up a conversation.
Aug 31, 2007

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