burntsolace

Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck!!!!

(Warning this blog contains gratuitous amounts of bitching)

Now I am gonna break this down into two parts parts about me and parts about other people pissing me off.

Introduction:

Right now I am poor folks, I just wrote a check for rent that is gonna over draft by more then a thousand dollars, I am not looking for sympathy (well maybe a lil bit) but I am not looking for charity or a hand out just to make that very clear. I am struggling with money, and it's not that I spend it on things that I shouldn't or that I don't have a decent playing job. It's mainly that it costs way too much fucking money to live around here. $1300 for rent, transportation is another $125 or so... gas and electricity another $50+ add cable bill, student loans (now unpaid for going on multiple months), add groceries such and I am just in way over my head. I have cut all the corners I can. I make all my own coffee at work, I bring my own lunch, I don't go out and spend money any more I just stay in.

Part I: Other People

I am sick of hearing about other people "Not having any money" or "Being Broke". Now that sounds hypocritical now that you have heard about my current situation. But take a step back further. I am sick of the people that are complaining about not having any money, sympathizing with me in one breath and then inviting me out to the bar with them in the next! I told them I have "No Money" they said "Me Neither, you should come to the bar with us." I told them I can't "I have no money to drink" Response? "I don't either but i will buy you a drink." WHAT THE FUCK??? People have different senses of what being broke means. Now this one person I know just got 10k from her inheritance, and she made no secret of it, and now she claims to be broke and buy other people drinks..... and everyone else I work with keeps saying the same sorts of things and then coming back from Starbucks with their five dollar plus coffees. Now I don't care that other people have more money then I do. But don't tell me you are broke and then go on about the $300 rug you got for you apartment. Come look at my cupboards and then tell me what you really think about being broke.

Secondly one of co-workers (different then above), was chastised for taking a day off with out having vacation time or anything and asked how he could afford it. And they started talking about how much they were making. Now he technically does the same job that I do. he has been there for about 9 months maybe a lil longer. I have been there for more then four years. He does sales like I do. He was doing purchasing (a few vendor lines that I gave to him) but I had to take them back because he couldn't handle it. They have tried to give him additional jobs to do and he can't handle it. I on the other hand do my purchasing weekly, I supervise the will call counter. I supervise three outside salesmen. I am the fleet manager. I negotiated and implemented our cellphone plan. (You can see the work load piling up) I spend on average 3-4 hours a week after hours at work trying to get (or stay) ahead of my work load. He on the other hand comes in late, calls in sick on a regular basis, and generally doesn't pull his own weight at work. He is is fairly well liked but that is as far as it goes. Oh yeah and I usually write something around twice the amount of business he does. (Keep in mind I will write some where around three million dollars in sales this year if things stay on track.)

But when I over heard his conversation, he says that he is making about fifty cents and hour more then I am. Now keep in mind I do get monthly bonuses that if divided amongst my worked hours would put me $0.75 ahead of him. And I do have a company car and a company phone for my personal use. But I worked for 4 years to earn that and to have him making a higher hourly rate then me for doing less work? That pissed me off something fierce. And my boss left today before I could talk to him about it.

I have a second co worker who is getting my goat she is the one who I have written about before who didn't talk to me for a week because she was mad at me for not offering to show her my Dilbert comics. She has been doing less and less work as the weeks and months go on. I think she spends more time sorting and arranging her work then actually doing it. She is credit department for my company. She does on average 10-20 credits a day, not taking any phone calls that don't ask for her. And she doesn't take very many sales calls during the course of a day maybe 3-5 calls. Now keep in mind I have done her job before, in fact it was something I would do between sales calls. And when i was doing it between sales calls I could do somewhere in the neighborhood of 35-40 credits a day. Now when I was taken off the phone to get caught up on credits (not taking calls unless they asked for me), a co-worker and me could crank out 100-150 credits in a day working together. So she is way behind where she needs to me in getting credits done. And on top of that she takes 15+ minutes on her 10 minute breaks. She has taken to going out on her breaks and and getting food, either snacks or lunch or what not. Then she comes back from her desk and eats it. not a big deal the rest of us do the same thing all the time. WELL with the EXCEPTION that when do bring back food and eat it at our desk we do our work at the same time! She spent probably 40 minutes today at her desk just eating her food and not working. And to top it off she is constantly on the phone with her boyfriend, with the whole small talk for chunks of time, and when she talks to him she stops working. It just pisses me off beyond all belief.

I also got an earful from one of the outside sale reps that I manage today. He chewed my ear off for close to fifteen minutes. Now keep in mind i didn't hire him, and I was given him to look after. He has always been a problem child employee (hence why he feel into my lap, I have all the misfits) But he start bitching about all his normal issues and complaining that the company is holding him back and not allowing him too make the commissions that he deserves and he is barely making anything above salary. But it turns out the salary of "AN UNSUCESSFUL" outside sales person is about a grand more a month then I bring home. How's that for shocking, the guy I am supporting, the guy who I go out of my way to enable, but can't get teh job done is making more then me.

Part II: All About me

Now you have heard about all the outside factors in my life. This is where I am at. I am in the whole spending more money then I make, and I am just paying the essentials. I have been hunting for a job for about a week right now. I am/was looking for a part time nights and weekend job to supplement my income to help me get back up in green. But after the recent drama at my job I am thinking of looking for a new job. I don't want to... for all the drama I usually like my job. I am good at my job. And I don't want to have to work my way up through another company. I am gonna sit down with my boss on Monday and explain all of this to him. I don't know how it will go, he is a tight-wad (you don't run a successful company and not be careful with your money but this could be liking trying to get blood from a stone.... and then I have to try and talk to him about the lazy girl.) And even if I do get my way and get a raise, I am still gonna need a second job. I have been hunting on Craigslist.org And I stumble across something that struck me as kind of funny. I have done retail, I have done wholesale, I have done sales, customer service, and now even management experience. Last time I worked retail I was lackey level, low man on the totem pole (I mean no dis-respect to anyone in retail or customer service), but now that I have worked this current job my resume fits all of the qualifications to be like a store manager or something. I don't know if I want to go back to dealing with the general public on a daily basis but it is an option.

What I am hoping to do is find someone willing to hire me for my skills and see what they offer me. And then take that offer to my boss and see if I can use that as the leverage I need to get myself back into a place where I can make the money I need to live comfortably. And I haven't been able to afford nice things for a long time. It took me two years after I moved into my apt to get a dinning room table, and we only managed to get one because someone in my building was selling theirs for $50 when they were moving out. I got my TV because I told everyone I wanted gift cards for x-mas (I pooled them all together and covered the rest) and the only reason I even got a new TV was becasue my other one was so old that the colors were coming in wrong with blotches of strange color. I did get an entertainment center earlier this year because I had a year end bonus.

I am not a person who has expensive tastes. All it would take to make me truly happy would be to afford my bills, to be able to take my girlfriend out to eat, once a week, be able to go see a movie once in while. That's about it and maybe buy a few books. The only expensive thing I want to do is put a ring on her finger and I can't even afford to do that. And even if i could a wedding? I don't know if i am ever gonna be able to afford that. My parents don't have money for that, neither do hers.... it just feels like I have been running hard for the last 9 years since I graduated High School. I have done a lot. I have accomplished a lot. But i have nothing (with the exception of the love of the most amazing person in the world(which is a huge except)) to show for it. I am just tired. And I want to get all of this taken care of.


And if anyone actually read this thank you. I just need to get it all out and put the words on the page.