What happens when you are up at 4 AM...
****
We stood toe to toe, as I stared unblinkingly into the bony sockets. The effect would have been far more satisfying had there been deep burning embers, or some endless abyss...but they were just your typical hollowed out bone. I mean, if you're going to glare...it's at least nice to have something interesting to glare into.
"Come with me child. It is time." he said with an earth shattering tone like a windless hurricane.
I glared deeper into the little eggshells. "To hell with you, my fine fool, Death. I will not go meekly like an obedient child...or a quivering bride. No. You'll have to mount me like an intractable whore...and drag me, kicking and screaming..." I managed to say with a conviction that comes only from a lifetime of practice in your bathroom mirror.
"Mount?" he replied after a short pause.
I blinked, "Um...excuse me?"
"Fine", he said eventually with all the resonance of a chartered accountant searching for a missing pencil under his desk. "Stay. Have a nice...whatever." He turned to leave.
"Hey, wait a minute!" I found myself bleating out. "Aren't you supposed to reach into my soul, or make me some sort of bet over a chess move...or at least offer an attempt at a threatening gesture or something?!"
He turned to face me...as effectively as someone with no face - at least as most people define it - can.
"Look. I already read your favorite little quote you posted on that whatever porn site. Ripped it off from some play or whatever, did we?"
"Well, I...uh..."
"And I suspect you've spent your whole life just waiting to use it?" and then added, rather sheepishly, "...no pun intended."
I wittily gave him a confused stare in response.
"Well, whatever." he continued, "Suit yourself. But if you'll take just a moment to have a glance over your right shoulder at the 'remains of the day' - as it were - you'll notice you're pretty much already dead. So no matter of kicking and screaming and whoring or whatever is going to make a fine bit of difference."
I glanced over and looked down upon what was once my "earthly host". My mouth opened and closed like a fish trying to figure out what that little twinge is just before the hook is set.
"Sooo, you've basically got two options", he continued. "Stay here as a ghost, running around warning pissy old misers to mend their ways and getting accused of being un-refrigerated gravy or whatever...or come with me."
"To where?" I found myself finally asking, with the dejected tone of a fourth grader just figuring out that it's either fractions or the principals office.
His voice returned to its' previous resonance, filling the room with a bellow sounding like it was created by a mixing engineer with bad bi-lateral ear infections. "To the unknown." his voice shook me like a motionless earthquake. "Cross with me now, child, through the veil that separates this world from the...blah blah blah..." He jiggled his bony fingers sarcastically in the air with an unnerving 'clackety' sound.
I found my voice again after a seemingly interminable pause contemplating how someone with no facial expression whatsoever could so effectively give the impression of rolling his eyes. "So there is another world? An afterlife? It's not just 'Blink, and you don't exist anymore?' "
"Dunno." he replied with a tone that inferred he would be looking at his wristwatch, had he owned one.
"Dunno?!" I blurted.
"Dunno." he repeated in the manner one does when speaking to the 'slow' nephew. "I'm like the mailman, see. The little old blue haired lady signs the form, in goes the box of Efferdent and support hose and I don't even get invited in for a quick cup of tea. Not even at Christmas." he muttered the last line contemptuously to himself.
"But...you're Death for crying out loud!" I belched out, trying to put as much emphasis on the 'D' word as possible.
Even a stoic, stony edifice would have been a better reply than the pithy little shrug I got - reminding me of the building plumber's response to my exasperated queries as to why he didn't bring his tools. Identifying "pithy" on a completely featureless face is hard to describe...but he had managed to accomplish it. At least a frozen unresponsiveness would have had some decorum.
"May I have a moment?" I asked, humbly.
"Take all the time you want," he replied distractedly. "I'll be leaving in about a minute."
So it comes down to this, I thought to myself. Even in death, the same depressing conundrum. Stay here in the safe, familiar, miserable little mess you created for yourself - or leap blindly into...well, something probably worse. I glanced around my bedroom taking a moment to peruse my rotund, limp and entirely uninspiring body which was slowly deflating into the hitherto unforeseen depths of the uninspiring.
Eventually, I turned back to the stereotypically cloaked figure. "Eh...what the Hell."
****
We stood toe to toe, as I stared unblinkingly into the bony sockets. The effect would have been far more satisfying had there been deep burning embers, or some endless abyss...but they were just your typical hollowed out bone. I mean, if you're going to glare...it's at least nice to have something interesting to glare into.
"Come with me child. It is time." he said with an earth shattering tone like a windless hurricane.
I glared deeper into the little eggshells. "To hell with you, my fine fool, Death. I will not go meekly like an obedient child...or a quivering bride. No. You'll have to mount me like an intractable whore...and drag me, kicking and screaming..." I managed to say with a conviction that comes only from a lifetime of practice in your bathroom mirror.
"Mount?" he replied after a short pause.
I blinked, "Um...excuse me?"
"Fine", he said eventually with all the resonance of a chartered accountant searching for a missing pencil under his desk. "Stay. Have a nice...whatever." He turned to leave.
"Hey, wait a minute!" I found myself bleating out. "Aren't you supposed to reach into my soul, or make me some sort of bet over a chess move...or at least offer an attempt at a threatening gesture or something?!"
He turned to face me...as effectively as someone with no face - at least as most people define it - can.
"Look. I already read your favorite little quote you posted on that whatever porn site. Ripped it off from some play or whatever, did we?"
"Well, I...uh..."
"And I suspect you've spent your whole life just waiting to use it?" and then added, rather sheepishly, "...no pun intended."
I wittily gave him a confused stare in response.
"Well, whatever." he continued, "Suit yourself. But if you'll take just a moment to have a glance over your right shoulder at the 'remains of the day' - as it were - you'll notice you're pretty much already dead. So no matter of kicking and screaming and whoring or whatever is going to make a fine bit of difference."
I glanced over and looked down upon what was once my "earthly host". My mouth opened and closed like a fish trying to figure out what that little twinge is just before the hook is set.
"Sooo, you've basically got two options", he continued. "Stay here as a ghost, running around warning pissy old misers to mend their ways and getting accused of being un-refrigerated gravy or whatever...or come with me."
"To where?" I found myself finally asking, with the dejected tone of a fourth grader just figuring out that it's either fractions or the principals office.
His voice returned to its' previous resonance, filling the room with a bellow sounding like it was created by a mixing engineer with bad bi-lateral ear infections. "To the unknown." his voice shook me like a motionless earthquake. "Cross with me now, child, through the veil that separates this world from the...blah blah blah..." He jiggled his bony fingers sarcastically in the air with an unnerving 'clackety' sound.
I found my voice again after a seemingly interminable pause contemplating how someone with no facial expression whatsoever could so effectively give the impression of rolling his eyes. "So there is another world? An afterlife? It's not just 'Blink, and you don't exist anymore?' "
"Dunno." he replied with a tone that inferred he would be looking at his wristwatch, had he owned one.
"Dunno?!" I blurted.
"Dunno." he repeated in the manner one does when speaking to the 'slow' nephew. "I'm like the mailman, see. The little old blue haired lady signs the form, in goes the box of Efferdent and support hose and I don't even get invited in for a quick cup of tea. Not even at Christmas." he muttered the last line contemptuously to himself.
"But...you're Death for crying out loud!" I belched out, trying to put as much emphasis on the 'D' word as possible.
Even a stoic, stony edifice would have been a better reply than the pithy little shrug I got - reminding me of the building plumber's response to my exasperated queries as to why he didn't bring his tools. Identifying "pithy" on a completely featureless face is hard to describe...but he had managed to accomplish it. At least a frozen unresponsiveness would have had some decorum.
"May I have a moment?" I asked, humbly.
"Take all the time you want," he replied distractedly. "I'll be leaving in about a minute."
So it comes down to this, I thought to myself. Even in death, the same depressing conundrum. Stay here in the safe, familiar, miserable little mess you created for yourself - or leap blindly into...well, something probably worse. I glanced around my bedroom taking a moment to peruse my rotund, limp and entirely uninspiring body which was slowly deflating into the hitherto unforeseen depths of the uninspiring.
Eventually, I turned back to the stereotypically cloaked figure. "Eh...what the Hell."
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
yeknomyknuf:
I love it, did you write this? You're very good if you did. I wish I were so eloquent. Thank you for you very sweet comment, I'm hardly ever on here anymore, but I really appreciated it. 
phantasy:
I probably should have been one but I have serious issues with larvae.