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burningkrome

Hicksville

Member Since 2005

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Sunday Jan 15, 2006

Jan 15, 2006
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So...living life to the fullest. Something we all wish to do, and yet so few of us have any training with.

This most recent thought process began as I was reading my Chemistry book, in review for a new college class starting the 23rd. It was this Saturday afternoon (rainy...this may have something to do with it) and, after about three chapters I began to wonder; as fragile as life, and health, are...is this really how I should be spending my Saturday?

So, being in a Scientific mindset (and having been listening to hours of the Alito hearings), I began to apply all the tests I have always heard one should apply in this situation. Primarily the crippled test, and the dying test.

Huh?

OK...the crippled test. What would you be doing right now, if you knew that tomorrow you would be in a crippling accident and paralyzed for life? Well, under those circumstances...I sure as hell wouldnt be reading a Chemistry textbook. I would be off dancing (like I was last weekend...this is important later), or hang-gliding, or having sex...or all of the above...ad nauseum.

Well, that didnt bode well for my choice of todays entertainment. But then I thought, what if the crippling accident didnt leave me paralyzed...as is the common test...but left me with the inability to learn anything new (hippocampus brain damage.) Well, then, sitting at home reading a Chemistry book (and all the novels sitting on my reading list, and books on different religious philosophies, ETC.) is EXACTLY what I would be doing.

Then my mind went for variations. If the disease were one that gave you nightmares - then sleeping all afternoon, peacefully, might be what I would be doing. If it were deafness...listening to music. Etc.

No real insight there. Damn.

OK...so, lets try the youre dying in a week of a disease...but one that does not injure youre ability to do anything and everything until the second you drop dead test (not familiar with that disease...but, for sake of argument, OK.)

So...I will be dead in a week. Got it. The purpose of this test is to see if you are living life to the fullest. Well, if I am going to be dead in a week, I am CERTAINLY not living each day to the fullest!

First, I would liquidate all my assets, so I would have the money to do all the things I am dreaming of. Cash out the 401K (or take it as a loan, to avoid the tax loss.) Add up the available credit on the cards. Sell the stocks. Maybe sign up for that loan offer with the atrocious interest rate I have sitting on my desk. I figure, as a quick estimate, Im good for immediate access (within a day) to about $30,000 of funding. Not bad.

Good. Next, hop in the car and drive to all the people I love but have not seen for a while. For those a little farther away...sell the car, and fly between them. Hmmm. That takes a few days...so maybe Im dying in a month. Just a little adjustment.

Next, back to the hang-gliding thing. Nuff said there. Then, a ticket to Europe and a new expensive camera. Buy a motorcycle when I hit the tarmac (price relatively irrelevant) and its off to dance, eat authentic Italian/Spanish/German/ETC. food and do a photographic diary of culture. Maybe, if I have time, I do all the above with Japan, China, ETC. as well. Of course, lots of sex in the interims (sex while hang-gliding...interesting.) So maybe Im actually dying in a couple of months.

Right. Skip to the end. Its day 29 of my month (or, last month, depending on the mythical disease) to live. Point being, one day left. Im $20,000 in debt on loans I will never pay. I (obviously) am no longer employed and, thus, my health insurance has lapsed (as it was through the employer). I have no car, no apartment (didnt pay the rent), no possessions and I have said goodbye to all my friends.

I had better die soon. :-)

What was the end result of my preponderances? Well, living like you are going to die tomorrow is a great concept...as long as you ARE going to die tomorrow. If you DONT die tomorrow, youve had a great time...but no ability to continue this quality living. In fact, you may have no resources left to continue living at all. Youve compressed all your living into a couple of months, and left yourself with no way to go on.

Now, all of the things on the above living wild list are actually on the calendar to be done. However, currently, they must be balanced with; making a living, maintaining my health, and not financially or emotionally injuring anyone. Perhaps I could have lived that way when I was 20, had no responsibilities and a set of working parents with an obligatory desire to bail me out if the shit hits the fan halfway to Prague on the back of a broken down Vespa. But now theyre in retirement and I feel the obligatory offspring need to buy them the occasional flight down to Cali for a visit, the health needs a little more maintenance and the credit card companies know how to find me should the payments stop coming in.

In fact, perhaps the source of this entire thought process stems from the fact that I didn't do all these things when I was 20 and had a larger safety net. Now, older and wiser and less afraid, all these adventures are just a little harder to accomplish amidst the responsibilities I have willingly taken on.

So once I completed this long, drawn out, series of daydreams with no clear resolution looming - I sat on my couch with my now idle Chemistry book in hand and thought, Perhaps I should just go out dancing with friends tonight. What a waste of a Saturday night...studying (or philosophizing about impossible to vitalize hypothetical questions.) I mean...how long has it been since the last time I did that went dancing with friends? And then I recalled the answer...it was last weekend.

Which brings me to my actual conclusion. Perhaps, I AM living life to the fullest. Perhaps, just perhaps, truly living is a balance between the moments of excitement and fulfillment and maintaining the ability to continue having those moments. Just maybe living to the fullest is the combination of great adventures, and rainy afternoons napping and wasting time...seeing as both seem nearly equally satisfying in their own moments. Perhaps living for oneself as an adult means fulfillment that is not at the expense of others, emotionally or otherwise - and to do this one must endure the drudgery of plowing the fields in order to lavish in the sweet fruits they produce. And, perhaps, the fruit is all the more sweet as a result.

Ultimately, it also occurred to me, that I had heard all this before...a number of times. Where was it I had heard this again? Oh! Thats right! Ive been told this by every person over the age of 60 I have ever spoken with! Fuck. I really am thick at times.

So I finished my chapter, made a pizza from scratch...and didnt clean the kitchen when I was done. Life is good.
nickfaust:
Lol, Indeed it is.

Though I have to say, if that is what happens when you read your Chemistry text, I think you should be more careful about what you read.

I mean, all of that thought and all you got out of it was homemade pizza and a dirty kitchen.

biggrin
Jan 15, 2006
kera:
thanks for the comment on my set! kiss

i like the "cripple" test - but most especially i like your conclusion. i often go through a similar process, also usually when i'm doing homework.

damn the alito hearings. damn them.
Jan 19, 2006

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