burne

so...

I hooked up with a girl last night, someone who I've know for a couple of months. now I know what you're saying. Steve...you know it's common for people to hook up why are you telling me this? well to put it honestly I don't hook up with anyone...seriously. I'm really not THAT attractive to hook up with someone, yet the plants alligned themseleves for a night, and I was pleased.

The sad thing about it is the fact that she doesn't want a relationship. she was in some 5 year-awful one and "can't see herself in another one so soon" I am on the opposite: I've never had a relationship, but I feel like I'm in control of my myself, and I know what I want and what I can give to a relationship. so any type of relationship is not going to happen.

I wish I could tell you all the stuff that has led me to what I'm about to say but it's wayyy too long, but touching her, and kissing her, and holding her I felt nothing. I've always wondered how people can just fuck each other( which we didn't) and say "thats it, gotta go" I dunno if it was the lack of girlfriends, or maybe that I've spent soo much time alone that I can't feel anything towards her, but it has definatly effected how I feel towards her. I can say the lines, and look into her eyes trustingly and there no feeling there. I don't use that to my advantage. I don't say those things to get her to fuck me, but more or less to make her feel comfortable with me. I have no sinister scheme, or wouldn't hurt her due to what I've said, but I've finally become what I've always hated. a person who's dead on the inside.