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buriedinthesand

currently on a ship in the south pacific

Member Since 2005

Followers 1 Following 2

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Sunday Sep 25, 2005

Sep 25, 2005
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"the chimes fell all over each other and i fell into my knees, the sound of cars driving off, made me feel diseased"-elliot smith

name: tiffany/ location: soon to be changing/ state of being: anxious, tired, fiending for diet coke

tomorrow morning a shuttle will come to pick me up at my parent's house in colorado. it will arrive somewhere between 4:45 and 5:15. i will then be chuffed off to DIA where i will board a plane bound for the california coast. once i arrive i will wait in the airport. hopefully LAX will offer a selection of interesting "newstands" in which to pass the time looking over racks of glossy photographs of people who can't possibly look like that. then i'll get on another plane. i will arrive in hawaii, specifically the island of kauai to board the pride of aloha, a big ship owned by norwegian cruise lines, by whom i am of late, employed. a boy named christian once said that i talk like a jewish mother--i am beginning to believe him.
i need a diet coke, at least i think i do, in all reality my life will go on just the way it was if i don't have one...but its that stupid instant gratification thing that seems to be built into me and a bunch of other frenetic young things, we just plain gotta have it so we can move on to the next fixation, next distraction if you will..
i recently died my hair black, about 7 days ago it was platinum blonde...i still don't know what i look like, but according to many self-help gurus and sunday school teachers alike, its what's on the inside that counts. which i mean, i agree with just like everyone does, but when you have to look in the mirror everyday its in some way important to esteem or ego or some shit that you don't look like a chicken mixed with a dog and a cow and a pickle and railroad tie laid out horizontally..
not that i necessarily look like any of these things, it was just a combination of things in my mind that, if separated into parts and fused would be rather unbecoming..
and no one wants to be unbecoming, we all want beauty in some way, even just a skosh to grace our faces..
i wish i could live in the elliot smith song "condor ave."
i feel listless, and sucked out, watching movies sometimes does that to you, when you don't intend to be affected and then some weird unsettled emotion sideswipes you and your all tears and eyeliner down your cheeks and wherever else they choose to land. shifty things, tears.
i keep having bad dreams. i wish for some nice ones. and a few more kisses, i'd like that too.

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