buffinmuffin

So today was a really bad day. I had another one of my bi-polar fits. I just get so fucking angry over nothing at all. It all started last night... I fell asleep in my new incredibly comfy chair with my adorable puppy and my girlfriend woke me up to go to bed... which was difficult in itself. So she got me to bed, and then was trying to get me to take my medicine and I thought (in my sleep of course) she was being mean to me so I became *SATAN* and woke up like that... finally calmed down enough to smoke my last cigarette, so I made her go with me at 2am to get more and finally went to bed. I was okay when I first woke up... I even went to get breakfast... after we ate, all hell broke loose. It's like I just can't control myself at all and I have no control over the things I say or do. And I basically stay in a rage until I start crying... then I just cry myself to sleep. When I wake up I'm usually better at least for a little while, but I can't tell you what I was fighting about or what I said or did... I only know that I was really realy pissed off... My wonderful wife is so sweet and caring and understanding through all of this. I love her and I don't know what I would do without her!