ORGASM CONTROL
Orgasm Control. In a relationship the first thing I want to do is relinquish control of my own sexual pleasure. The only sexual pleasure I want is that which he permits me to have. I don't want to cum unless I am cumming for him. To cum for myself and solely for my own enjoyment really doesnt mean much to me and just isn't all that pleasurable. Knowing I am not allowed to masturbate without permission is delicious torture and it feels like I have purpose. To hand control of my sexual pleasure over to him makes me feel incredibly special and connected to him at all times. It makes me feel looked after and that I have something hard to work at that is incredibly fulfilling and worthwhile. During the day when he isn't here and I feel horny I have to text or call him or just contact him somehow to ask his permission to get off. Its quite an embarrassing thing to ask someone. 'Please may I masturbate?'. But that humiliation is a huge part of the pleasure and is how I earn my orgasm. He could be kind and generous and understand my cunt gives me no peace and I have to have some relief. Or he could toy with me like a cat with a mouse. He may make me wait an agonising hour. He may make me do it there and then for him down the phone. He may make me perform for him whilst he sits in his chair calmly enjoying the show, never letting me take my eyes away from his face.
It is the same during sex. When I feel I am getting close I have to stop myself and ask 'please may I cum?' Usually it is more of a frantic, desperate, 'please, please may I cum please. Please let me cum, please please.' Begging is fun. He isn't cruel and unless he has other plans for me he kindly says yes and enjoys feeling me thrash underneath him.
There is one thing I would never do though, and that is lie to him. Deception destroys everything. And I need to be totally honest with him, to be completely naked and humble in front of him. It just wouldn't work any other way. I am a scrupulously honest person and do not feel comfortable with dishonesty and I am never less than truthful with him. And that can be extremely hard and painful and ugly and humiliating, but I still need to be an open book for him.
I am only human and of course I am going to slip up sometimes. I woke up horny on morning and he wasn't there. I have no self control and one thing led to another and I just couldn't stop myself. I don't know why I did it, I didn't even really enjoy it. If he isn't there or has given me permission it just isn't the same. I got carried away and just couldn't stop. As soon as I have finished and am lying in bed with hot syrupy blood and limbs made of lead I am filled with utter shame and regret. And fear. He doesn't give me many rules but this was a big one and I broke it and I am going to be punished. And it wont be a spanking. It wont be erotic pain. We aren't playing and it wont be fun. It will be real pain. He is going to hurt me and I will deserve it.
All day I am a hopeless nervous wreck. I just need to confess and atone and face my punishment. When he comes home in the evening he immediately finds me subdued and knows something is wrong. I take his coat and kiss him without meeting his eye. He sits down on the bed and I fall to my knees in front of him and immediately begin to cry. He sits patiently waiting and after a few heavy sobs I try to speak. Looking at my hands clasped in my lap I manage to say, 'I broke a rule.' He reaches out and puts his hand under my chin and tilts my head up. 'Look me in the eye. When you tell me this you look me in the eye.' This makes my tears come even harder. He always demands full eye contact and it is what I want to do, but it is so difficult to be so naked in front of someone and then look them in the eye. It takes me a few minutes to gather myself and look into his face rather than past him. He is patient, he doesn't need to shout or make demands. He knows I will do as he asks me, that I do my very best for him, I just need to gather the strength to do it.
With hot tears hanging from my lashes I explain. 'I woke up horny this morning. My hands started wondering and I couldn't stop myself. I masturbated and I came and I didn't stop myself to ask your permission and I am so so so terribly sorry. I have let you down and I absolutely hate to let you down. I am so ashamed and I just feel terrible. I know I did something very wrong and I bitterly regret it but I can't change it.' My head is starting to hang in shame again. I steel myself and look directly at him. 'You don't give me many rules and I broke one and I accept any fair punishment that is coming my way.'
He is quiet for a moment then says,' You know I'm going to have to punish you now.' My lowered head nods. 'Its not going to be nice. Its going to hurt and you're going to hate me for it.' I say, 'I knew what I was getting myself into. I want you to punish me. I don't want to be let away with anything.'
'Very well,' he says. 'Fetch the box from underneath the bed.' This is a box the size of a suitcase where we keep our toys. I slide it out and open the lid. He tells me to take out some rope, wrist cuffs and a flogger. He watches me as I nervously remove them and hand them to him. 'Is there anything special you'd like me to wear?' I ask. He laughs lightly like I've said something very naive. 'I don't want you wearing anything.'
As he is running the rope through the hook in the ceiling I feel sick with fear. I do not like pain. I cannot handle pain. This is the worst thing he could subject me to. I put my wrists out in front of me so he can fasten the leather cuffs around them and tie the rope to them. He pulls the rope tight and my arms are raised above my head, my hands in a prayer position. My knees are on the floor but the rest of my body is straight, awaiting the flogger. He says, 'I am going to give you thirty lashes.' I throw my head back in disbelief, my mouth huge with fear and anger. I know he has decided and this is a fair punishment for my trangressions, but it seems so cruel to subject me to this. I close my mouth knowing better than to question him and decide to merely accept my fate. I shut my eyes tightly and brace myself for the pain. As soon as the flogger hits my back I lurch forward and let out a shriek of pain and feel utter hatred towards him. I cannot bear this sharp, burning pain and as he repeatedly whips me I beg him to stop, swear, scream abuse at him and writhe within my restraints trying to avoid the strokes. After ten lashes he pauses and asks me if I need to take a break. Immediately I gasp yes but I know the screaming pain in my back and legs will not subside until this is over. And so I tell him to continue, begging to get it over with as quickly as possible. And I howl and beg and writhe and cry until he has finished. I hate him. I hate the raw pain in my tender skin, but most of all I hate myself for letting him down and being a bad girl and bring this all on myself.
He releases me from my cuffs and I immediately fall to the floor, crying helplessly like a child. I curl myself into a furious, humiliated ball and lie there. He kneels down beside me and rests his hand on my thigh and ask me how I feel. I am so angry all I can do is yell at him to leave me alone. He stays where he is gently rubs my leg. I raise my head and snarl at him to get the hell away from me. He backs off slightly but is still sitting behind me. Not moving from my foetal position I tearfully whisper that I am in pain and angry and humiliated and I need to be left alone for a while. He seems to understand and I hear him go into the other room.
I lie on the floor, completely repentant and humbled and I know we aren't playing a game. This is the life I want and even though I hate it right now I am so glad I have him and I belong to him. I don't know how long I lie there, sobbing, feeling sorry for myself, resenting him. I know I am going to be very sore and bruised in the morning. But those bruises are my reminder and my shame. He punished me because he loves me and sometimes for my own good I need to be punished.
Eventually I feel that I can move again and my anger has subsided and humility has taken its place. Unsteadily I raise myself onto all fours. He looks up with concern as he sees me crawl across the floor to his feet. I look up at him and he offers me a smile and strokes my hair. I pull myself up onto the sofa next to him and wrap a throw around myself like a blanket. I slide my arms around him and raise my legs into his lap. My head sinks into his shoulder and he gently kisses me. I look into his face completely humbled and grateful and say in as strong a voice as I can manage, 'thank you for punishing me.'
Orgasm Control. In a relationship the first thing I want to do is relinquish control of my own sexual pleasure. The only sexual pleasure I want is that which he permits me to have. I don't want to cum unless I am cumming for him. To cum for myself and solely for my own enjoyment really doesnt mean much to me and just isn't all that pleasurable. Knowing I am not allowed to masturbate without permission is delicious torture and it feels like I have purpose. To hand control of my sexual pleasure over to him makes me feel incredibly special and connected to him at all times. It makes me feel looked after and that I have something hard to work at that is incredibly fulfilling and worthwhile. During the day when he isn't here and I feel horny I have to text or call him or just contact him somehow to ask his permission to get off. Its quite an embarrassing thing to ask someone. 'Please may I masturbate?'. But that humiliation is a huge part of the pleasure and is how I earn my orgasm. He could be kind and generous and understand my cunt gives me no peace and I have to have some relief. Or he could toy with me like a cat with a mouse. He may make me wait an agonising hour. He may make me do it there and then for him down the phone. He may make me perform for him whilst he sits in his chair calmly enjoying the show, never letting me take my eyes away from his face.
It is the same during sex. When I feel I am getting close I have to stop myself and ask 'please may I cum?' Usually it is more of a frantic, desperate, 'please, please may I cum please. Please let me cum, please please.' Begging is fun. He isn't cruel and unless he has other plans for me he kindly says yes and enjoys feeling me thrash underneath him.
There is one thing I would never do though, and that is lie to him. Deception destroys everything. And I need to be totally honest with him, to be completely naked and humble in front of him. It just wouldn't work any other way. I am a scrupulously honest person and do not feel comfortable with dishonesty and I am never less than truthful with him. And that can be extremely hard and painful and ugly and humiliating, but I still need to be an open book for him.
I am only human and of course I am going to slip up sometimes. I woke up horny on morning and he wasn't there. I have no self control and one thing led to another and I just couldn't stop myself. I don't know why I did it, I didn't even really enjoy it. If he isn't there or has given me permission it just isn't the same. I got carried away and just couldn't stop. As soon as I have finished and am lying in bed with hot syrupy blood and limbs made of lead I am filled with utter shame and regret. And fear. He doesn't give me many rules but this was a big one and I broke it and I am going to be punished. And it wont be a spanking. It wont be erotic pain. We aren't playing and it wont be fun. It will be real pain. He is going to hurt me and I will deserve it.
All day I am a hopeless nervous wreck. I just need to confess and atone and face my punishment. When he comes home in the evening he immediately finds me subdued and knows something is wrong. I take his coat and kiss him without meeting his eye. He sits down on the bed and I fall to my knees in front of him and immediately begin to cry. He sits patiently waiting and after a few heavy sobs I try to speak. Looking at my hands clasped in my lap I manage to say, 'I broke a rule.' He reaches out and puts his hand under my chin and tilts my head up. 'Look me in the eye. When you tell me this you look me in the eye.' This makes my tears come even harder. He always demands full eye contact and it is what I want to do, but it is so difficult to be so naked in front of someone and then look them in the eye. It takes me a few minutes to gather myself and look into his face rather than past him. He is patient, he doesn't need to shout or make demands. He knows I will do as he asks me, that I do my very best for him, I just need to gather the strength to do it.
With hot tears hanging from my lashes I explain. 'I woke up horny this morning. My hands started wondering and I couldn't stop myself. I masturbated and I came and I didn't stop myself to ask your permission and I am so so so terribly sorry. I have let you down and I absolutely hate to let you down. I am so ashamed and I just feel terrible. I know I did something very wrong and I bitterly regret it but I can't change it.' My head is starting to hang in shame again. I steel myself and look directly at him. 'You don't give me many rules and I broke one and I accept any fair punishment that is coming my way.'
He is quiet for a moment then says,' You know I'm going to have to punish you now.' My lowered head nods. 'Its not going to be nice. Its going to hurt and you're going to hate me for it.' I say, 'I knew what I was getting myself into. I want you to punish me. I don't want to be let away with anything.'
'Very well,' he says. 'Fetch the box from underneath the bed.' This is a box the size of a suitcase where we keep our toys. I slide it out and open the lid. He tells me to take out some rope, wrist cuffs and a flogger. He watches me as I nervously remove them and hand them to him. 'Is there anything special you'd like me to wear?' I ask. He laughs lightly like I've said something very naive. 'I don't want you wearing anything.'
As he is running the rope through the hook in the ceiling I feel sick with fear. I do not like pain. I cannot handle pain. This is the worst thing he could subject me to. I put my wrists out in front of me so he can fasten the leather cuffs around them and tie the rope to them. He pulls the rope tight and my arms are raised above my head, my hands in a prayer position. My knees are on the floor but the rest of my body is straight, awaiting the flogger. He says, 'I am going to give you thirty lashes.' I throw my head back in disbelief, my mouth huge with fear and anger. I know he has decided and this is a fair punishment for my trangressions, but it seems so cruel to subject me to this. I close my mouth knowing better than to question him and decide to merely accept my fate. I shut my eyes tightly and brace myself for the pain. As soon as the flogger hits my back I lurch forward and let out a shriek of pain and feel utter hatred towards him. I cannot bear this sharp, burning pain and as he repeatedly whips me I beg him to stop, swear, scream abuse at him and writhe within my restraints trying to avoid the strokes. After ten lashes he pauses and asks me if I need to take a break. Immediately I gasp yes but I know the screaming pain in my back and legs will not subside until this is over. And so I tell him to continue, begging to get it over with as quickly as possible. And I howl and beg and writhe and cry until he has finished. I hate him. I hate the raw pain in my tender skin, but most of all I hate myself for letting him down and being a bad girl and bring this all on myself.
He releases me from my cuffs and I immediately fall to the floor, crying helplessly like a child. I curl myself into a furious, humiliated ball and lie there. He kneels down beside me and rests his hand on my thigh and ask me how I feel. I am so angry all I can do is yell at him to leave me alone. He stays where he is gently rubs my leg. I raise my head and snarl at him to get the hell away from me. He backs off slightly but is still sitting behind me. Not moving from my foetal position I tearfully whisper that I am in pain and angry and humiliated and I need to be left alone for a while. He seems to understand and I hear him go into the other room.
I lie on the floor, completely repentant and humbled and I know we aren't playing a game. This is the life I want and even though I hate it right now I am so glad I have him and I belong to him. I don't know how long I lie there, sobbing, feeling sorry for myself, resenting him. I know I am going to be very sore and bruised in the morning. But those bruises are my reminder and my shame. He punished me because he loves me and sometimes for my own good I need to be punished.
Eventually I feel that I can move again and my anger has subsided and humility has taken its place. Unsteadily I raise myself onto all fours. He looks up with concern as he sees me crawl across the floor to his feet. I look up at him and he offers me a smile and strokes my hair. I pull myself up onto the sofa next to him and wrap a throw around myself like a blanket. I slide my arms around him and raise my legs into his lap. My head sinks into his shoulder and he gently kisses me. I look into his face completely humbled and grateful and say in as strong a voice as I can manage, 'thank you for punishing me.'