buddha

feel like im being tugged in every single direction right now, just got back from my mothers house, stayed there untill she was able to fall asleep. The results were postive from her tests. so her blindness was is being attributed to Post traumatic stress, and not a blood clot or other such malady that would occur from what she went thru. Everyone is telling me, that after i sell my place, that i should move with her into a condo, so we can assist each other on the bills, and i can protect her and take care of her, She isn't well. health wise, eating disorders, fibre mialge (sp?) , chronicly haveing benign tumors being removed from her chest. Not to mention not being mentally well. I will not end up like my uncle steve, living with his mother to this day, being somewhere around the early 40's in age

i have never realy made any decisions of my own that affect my life. always been told what to do. buying my house, wasnt my idea, i was told it was the best course of action. for me and my brother to buy a house together....

im not happy right now

and to retro

i'm not sure what went on before, but i am deeply sorry, i should have called you before to let you know i could not come. posting here and saying i might not show up wasn't the way to go. as for lying.... all i can think of is maybe you thought i went to philly with the others, for which i did not, I have not spoken to george since Flux. I only learned he was going via another persons Journal entry..

i am so, so sorry
I do not expect an apolgy, nor forgiveness, you have very little spare time and i feel bad that everything that was talked about did not come to fruition