I have felt it in the past. Attraction to a woman. It always came with a certain measure of self-disgust. It happened recently. There I was with this woman. Not letting anything show. Not allowing one crippled display of vulnerability to register. Years ago, fear of rejection and eventual, long burning humiliation kept my feelings in check. Now it's different factors that keep my emotions stillborn. I have arrived at myself. I am beyond humiliation. Failure falls off me. Rejection is a given. The main thing that keeps me to myself is just knowing there's no way. There is just no way. At this point, what could my line possibly be? "Hi, I'm dead. Want to watch me sit silently in a small room? I can show you the parts of the ceiling my brains will most likely stick to." It is sad. To not need anyone.
Henry Rollins, "Roomanitarian"