Hi Dear,
Hi @rambo and @missy !
Last homework topic fits perfectly for me in this week: 2 days ago I turned 30, so my teenager years were just half my age ago.
Scary, isn't it?
4/27: What advice would you give your teenage (or younger) self?
So, my teenage-me was shy, dressed as a tomboy, was pretty sure to be "masculine" for her sport (I was a karate competitor and I got the black belt at the age of 17, in my 20s I was in a world competition and I've been traveling a lot for competitions and trainings), I was insanely in love with a boy who practiced in my same dojo and he kept telling me that I was too "manly" for him. For almost 6 years.
I've end up trusting him and finding myself ugly and boy-looking. I've always loved my muscles, so I started making them my strenght poin, I worn shirts which showed my shoulders and I often competed with boys, to prove myself equal to them. I went on practicing karate and competing, I also started back feeling beautiful, in some way, but late at night I hated the body that kept my loved one away from me.
I had large eyebrows, I couldn't put on some good make-up, I couldn't wear a skirt without looking goofy, I was the ugly one at school and I remember that, one day, I went at school wearing a shirt that I used to wear at night: simple tee with a feminine v-neck that was just 5cm deep (you couldn't even see part of my breasts, and I had the same breasts that I have now, they arrived in my 15th year) and a school mate told me: "Hey! You're wearing a deep nekline today, what's happaning? You look nice!"
I realized that my school mates saw me as a boy and, with that easy tee, I was showing them that I was a girl. A girl with breasts.
I wasted my teenage being bounded in a relationship with no future, maybe because I was too scary about being lonely, so while I was in love with the guy from above, I had a relationship that started when I was 15 and enden when I was 18, almost 4 years of prison, with a overprotective and possessive guy (I saw he's married and has a baby now, wish him all the best), so: no school trips for me, no friends trip, no night out being silly just because you're 17 e you don't give a fuck.
I feel like I wasted my best years.
So, what I'd like to tell my 115y.o. me that she is worth it, and that guy cannot tell her wat to do and what is forbidden, that the other guy is just questioning hisown masculinity and he's comparing his one to hers, and maybe his one resulted weaker so he tried to put her down, that the face she sees every morning in te mirror is cute and nice, no need to cover it with hair, and the woman body she's descovering should not scare her and make her cover it with large boy clothes, but make her proud and let her undress herself freely.
I wasn't able to undress myself in light with a partner freely and being comfortable since few years ago. Taking naked pics helped me a lot to see myself beautiful and shameless.
A huge thnk goes to everyone who helped me, even without knowing my trouble, by kind comments and compliments, you made me feel stronger, and if I'm not ashamed of my body anymore is your merit too.
I found some holidays pics from when I was 16 visiting Sicily with my first boyfriend (he was living in my same city, but his family is from the beautiful Palermo and they invited me visiting their family that year), so you can see the difference from now, almost 15 years later <3
(Yes, I was tanned xD)
What a cute skirt-dressed boy, uh? Hahahaha!
I actually loved dressing up like that, I loved mixing bright colors and wear comfy clothes, also remember I was 17, not 14, in those pics I see a almost 14 years old tomboy, not a almost woman of 17 years. I was late growing up.
Let me cheer you with one of my last professional pics, taken last month, just for you to see the difference. I'm so proud of what I've become <3
That's all for now, let me know what you'd tell yourself!
Huge hug,
Brunhild
