brookeish

i told you that i needed you to listen. i told you that all i needed was just five minutes and it would calm me down... it would make me feel a little more sane... but what did you do? you hung up the phone. you said, "not now, darling, i have to run.." you said, "i can't talk right now... i'll call you back..." "i'll make it up to you... i'm sorry i don't have the time..." it's ok. it's better this way. i can't get better if i can't do it on my own. isn't that what you said? isn't that how you justified walking away? isn't that what everyone's doing? making me stronger... because being alone will make me stronger, right? it will make me more able to stand on my own two feet. well, all is fine and well now... i guess it's good that no one was listening. i woke up crying -- did you know that? how embarrassing. i'm so glad there was no one there to notice... no one there to save me from myself. no one to stop me from cutting away all of the layers of pain. no one to stop me from tearing away at the skin and pulling apart the flesh until there was nothing left to scar... no room left to get hurt. no one knows my secret. i won't tell and you can't make me. you don't think i'll do it again? you don't think i can? watch me. there it goes. i'll write it in blood next time so that maybe you'll believe me.

fuck. love.

..oOo..