When I tell men that I don't like lesbian porn they usually yell at me: "IT'S HOT WOMEN HAVING SEX!" like that's supposed to change my mind. I'm not interested in it. It doesn't turn me on, why is that so hard for dudes to accept? And for that matter why do they seem to think screaming at the top of their lungs in fire and fury is the ultimate argument against? And it's not just porn, it's pretty much any masculine ideal that I don't subscribe to.
I saw a video online a couple of years ago made by some gun nut and it was his response to certain gun control advocates. The video was literally just him screaming her name followed by variations of: "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" No counterpoints, no explanation of his stance, nothing. Just: "I have a gun and you can just shut up!" over and over again.
What the fuck? How is that supposed to convince anyone anything other than: "This is a giant douchebag I should stop listening to."
Guys, seriously. We need to embrace the art of the debate. If I've learned anything from Trump and his wandering band of minions it's that they couldn't care less about logic and reason when trying to settle an argument. It's: "What I say is law and you have to accept it." Many men even go so far as to threaten violence against their dissenter in order to make their point. This isn't healthy! In fact it's counter-productive. If we're going to learn and grow as human beings we need to take in those that disagree, not push them away with abusive behavior.
Now I mentioned Trump but in this case it can't be more true that he isn't the disease, he's a symptom. Generations of teaching men that might makes right has gotten us to this point. Trump isn't the first to think this way, not by a long shot and he won't be the last unless we males start to take a serious gut check about how we handle disagreements. Especially when those disagreements center around what I like to call: "The Masculine Ideal." This idea that the alpha male is what we should all strive to be and the only way to be alpha male is to be the roughest, toughest, rootinist, tootinist ombre in the land. Alpha males have lots of sex, only participate in activities that are inherently dangerous and settle every score with their fists. Anything less is grounds to get your ass kicked.
This couldn't be more toxic. Masculinity is all well and good, testosterone is a thing but we need to temper it with some softness and compassion. Alpha males can be kind and loving protectors. You don't have to scream at the top of your lungs to make your point. Christopher Titus describes tough guys in two ways: There's the strong, silent type who takes a long, measured breath before they absolutely destroy somebody and then there's the loudmouth. The one that simply screams at the top of their lungs "I'm not afraid of you! Bring it on!" In his words: "If you see that guy get your phones out cause he's about to get his ass kicked. And it's going to be HILARIOUS!" Let's all agree that it's better to be the silent guy because he knows how to rein in his temper. He knows that violence isn't how you solve a problem or end an argument. And most importantly of all, he knows when to keep his voice down and accept that his idea may not be the best idea for everyone and he's okay with it.
