God is Santa Claus
Yes you read that right, God IS Santa Claus. I say this not because its the holiday season and I think the almighty has magically morphed into the cute, plump guy at the north pole who brings the world presents but because I think that they are one and the same in just about every aspect of existence. Don't go crying blasphemy on me either because those that are going to right now are the ones that made this statement. I'm simply repeating it. Santa Claus only comes around once a year on that magical day that also just happens to be the birthday of Jesus Christ so don't expect me to think that this is a coincidence. Don't try to use the argument that Santa Claus is mythical and God is real either. Santa Claus is very much real and I'll talk about that in a little bit. For those of you who want to cry blasphemy or heresy or whatever the fuck else you want to yell listen up because your group not only created Santa Claus but also God himself. Or herself or whatever.
That's point number one as to why God is Santa Claus, both were created by human beings. Many historians believe that Saint Nicolas the real man may have been the inspiration for the red coated man that rides in a sleigh and delivers presents to all the good boys and girls. In fact there have been several Saint Nicolas' (or should I say Saint Nicolai?) throughout the years and not all of them were as jolly as the old guy at the top of the world. I'm not exactly sure who was the first nor do I care. I could recite a tale about how Saint Nicolas wasn't a nice guy at all but a fallen angel doomed to punish children for being bad. One person thinks that Saint Nicolas was originally a vampire tale that was re-written by the church as an attempt to subjugate the people they had conquered. In life Saint Nicolas was nothing of the sort, just a really nice guy basically that everyone loved. But that's not really the point of this speech. The point is that the Santa Claus we know today was most likely based on a real person at one time but now is no longer anything even remotely human. Or rather the Santa Claus we know of today has nothing to do with the Saint Nicolas of old.
Santa Claus as we know him now couldn't possibly be human. He never ages first of all and he seems to be able to make any toy by any company anywhere in the world, skills that would be impossible for any human to posses. Not only that but his uncanny ability to make all these toys without violating copyright laws is definitely superhuman. Add to that his unswerving knowledge of which kids have been bad and which kids have been good that is somehow powered by a unique form of telepathy that would violate just about every privacy act in the world. We know very well that Reindeer can't fly and that a sled can only hold so many toys but Santa Claus is the exception to all of these rules. We tell our kids that he can deliver any present to anyone anywhere in the world as long as they are good. We don't question how we just accept that he can. We use the word magic to explain it if we even bother to attempt to explain it at all.
If you've understood the title to this at all then you already where I'm going with this. If you don't then read more carefully because it only gets more complicated. God sits in its/hers/his kingdom somewhere on high and watches over all of us. God knows who has sinned and who has been faithful. God waits in his kingdom to welcome those who have served him well and send away those who didn't do what was needed of them. We don't know how God can see all of us all of the time and on high is simply another way of saying on top of the fucking clouds somewhere. In truth no one really knows where heaven is, at least Santa Claus is in a definite place. Like Santa Claus we don't know how or why God can do what he/it/she does we just accept that God can. We don't even attempt to explain it we simply use the word faith as some kind of proof or evidence.
Santa Claus was created as a symbol of Christmas. He is jolly, he loves all the girls and boys, he's generous and he laughs all the time. We look forward to seeing Santa Claus every year and yet we never do. We just wake up one morning and there are a bunch of presents for us. We send Santa letters and when we get the presents we asked for in the letter we jump for joy. We feel the Christmas spirit and we are encouraged to give generously to those less fortunate once we are older. We still look up to Santa Claus long after we stopped waiting for him to bring us gifts just bought the shit our damn selves. Santa was created to do just that, make us feel good about this time of year. Be jolly, give gifts to our family and help those in need.
God was a creation of human beings as well. People looked up at the sky over their heads, down at the ground under there feet and wondered Where did all this come from? The only answer they could think of at the time was God, or a God of some kind. It made sense, humans came from other humans in fact they knew that all that lived came from other versions of themselves. So somewhere out there in a realm they couldn't see or touch or anything else had to be some entity of some kind creating all of it. So we used God, this image, this figure loosely based on ourselves to explain why we are the way we are. The problem was that some people couldn't really grasp this concept so they came up with versions of God that they liked and then other people came up with other versions that they liked and so on until there were a multitude of gods that did everything from raise the sun to hunt in the fields to piss on the bushes. I won't talk about the other versions of God because there's no point, I'll just stick with the one.
Now the Christmas holiday isn't exactly the creation of the world but there are parallels. The holiday is important to Christians and someone had to explain why. Saint Nicolas for whatever reason that is lost to the pages of history was used as a symbol of the Christmas holiday and that symbol survives unto this day. It may have changed forms and purposes several times between then and now but the basic concept is still the same. Someone at the top of the world watches all of our children and grants them gifts based on their behavior. If they are good they get toys, if they are bad they get nothing, or coal depending on how you look at it. Sound at all familiar? It should because the heavenly father or God as we all call him/her/it does exactly the same thing only God's rewards aren't limited to a single day every year. Ever been told Don't do that, God is watching you. or You may not know it but God sees everything you do whether you know it or not.? Probably, some of us more than others and some of us are like me and heard it from people other than our own families. Santa Claus is coming to town's line of better watch out, better not cry. is pretty much the same ideal when you look at it side by side with what God does. God's rewards work differently than Santa's though but that isn't the real issue here. The plain and simple fact that someone is watching our every move and somehow knows every aspect of our lives from birth to death is what is being discussed right now.
Now right now you're probably saying something along the lines of But Christmas is about the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. So? This wasn't titled What Christmas is all about was it? This is about how God IS Santa Claus. Humans created both and to serve the same purpose. To keep our kids in line and make sure they behave. No Santa doesn't promise to save our souls if we worship him but God doesn't give us jack shit every year until we're dead. Even then there's still no guarantee. You've got to tow the line from start to finish and never stop otherwise its all bad news for you. And since God wasn't enough to do it humans came up with Santa Claus to fill in the gaps.
As for Jesus Christ being the only begotten son of God I don't really care. His birthday is a day of celebration for millions around the world. Even if we don't realize the original meaning of Christmas most of us don't really give a shit because we've got Santa Claus. That's another reason why Santa Claus was created. Not all of us really cared about the birth of Jesus. Not as much as Christians anyway. So Christians gave them Santa Claus, probably because they felt that everyone around the world should care about Christmas Day no matter what. So we tell our children to be good little boys and girls and Santa Claus will visit them and give them gifts on Christmas Day. We raise them to believe this from day one. We tell them every year as that magical holiday looms over the horizon to be good or they won't get gifts from Santa Claus. But what do we tell them the rest of the year? That God is watching. So riddle me this Batman, if Santa is supposed to be watching us then why don't we tell our children that all year? Why is that during most of the year it's watch out because God is watching and then suddenly its watch out because Santa is watching? Does God take a vacation every year? Black Friday shoppers might think so. But seriously why does the concept change just because of the coming of Christmas? There really can only be one explanation, God IS Santa Claus.
They do the same things it just depends on what time of year it is whether you tell your children God is watching or Santa Claus is watching. They both keep an eye on us and they both reward us for being good and punish us for being bad. And yes, they are both very real. Here's why.
I'm not going to talk about that over published letter to Virginia Yes Santa Claus is real because you believe in him. I'm going to tell you about what God and Santa Claus both really mean. When I was younger I struggled over the concept of Santa Claus because well, I just couldn't figure out how one man could do all that. He couldn't possibly be human. But yet there was his picture just about everywhere. Hell he even had a real name so there had to be something to it. Then one day while I'm in line at Wal Mart it hit me. It was a Power Wheels Jeep and it landed right on my foot. I was wearing sandals at the time because I was in Florida which is 90+ degrees all year round so it hurt like a bitch. I yelped in pain and the guy that dropped it gave me more apologies than I ever thought one human being should be allowed to give. Thing is I really wasn't mad, I was in pain but I wasn't mad at his lack of coordination and grip in his hands. In fact I remember laughing. It was the time of year for shopping chaos so as far as I was concerned things like this were bound to happen.
I thought about that on the way home. What makes it okay to drop a Jeep Wrangler on my foot this time of year but not any other? Why the fuck were we shopping for this crap in the first place? Spiritual obligation? Requirement of consumerism? Mercury in Retrograde? The answer was as obvious to me as it was absurd. Santa Claus. Santa makes us want to buy things for our loved ones, Santa isn't a person at all, Santa is the spirit of giving in all of us that comes out when we want it to. The spirit of giving makes us want to give gifts and make others happy. Santa was created as an image of that spirit that is inside all of us. That one spirit that brings joy and happiness now matter what lands on your foot.
God is also real because God is exactly the same thing. That image that embodies the creation of all life and it's existence within itself. God is the image humans created so they would have something to look towards when they wondered what the hell is going on, how did life come to be and why does it get taken away? Why is the world the way it is and what made it this way? To human beings it only makes sense that everything around us was created by someone because we create things around us as well. God has his/it's/her own special way of doing things and that's what makes it/him/her God and we accept it. How do millions of presents fit into one sleigh and get delivered overnight? Fed Ex and UPS sure as hell want to know. However, no one understands that either we just accept it.
God is Santa Claus folks, they share the same holiday, they do the same things and they embody many of the same concepts. WE created them both and WE give them both life. Without us God and Santa Claus would cease to exist. That's why they are one in the same.
Yes you read that right, God IS Santa Claus. I say this not because its the holiday season and I think the almighty has magically morphed into the cute, plump guy at the north pole who brings the world presents but because I think that they are one and the same in just about every aspect of existence. Don't go crying blasphemy on me either because those that are going to right now are the ones that made this statement. I'm simply repeating it. Santa Claus only comes around once a year on that magical day that also just happens to be the birthday of Jesus Christ so don't expect me to think that this is a coincidence. Don't try to use the argument that Santa Claus is mythical and God is real either. Santa Claus is very much real and I'll talk about that in a little bit. For those of you who want to cry blasphemy or heresy or whatever the fuck else you want to yell listen up because your group not only created Santa Claus but also God himself. Or herself or whatever.
That's point number one as to why God is Santa Claus, both were created by human beings. Many historians believe that Saint Nicolas the real man may have been the inspiration for the red coated man that rides in a sleigh and delivers presents to all the good boys and girls. In fact there have been several Saint Nicolas' (or should I say Saint Nicolai?) throughout the years and not all of them were as jolly as the old guy at the top of the world. I'm not exactly sure who was the first nor do I care. I could recite a tale about how Saint Nicolas wasn't a nice guy at all but a fallen angel doomed to punish children for being bad. One person thinks that Saint Nicolas was originally a vampire tale that was re-written by the church as an attempt to subjugate the people they had conquered. In life Saint Nicolas was nothing of the sort, just a really nice guy basically that everyone loved. But that's not really the point of this speech. The point is that the Santa Claus we know today was most likely based on a real person at one time but now is no longer anything even remotely human. Or rather the Santa Claus we know of today has nothing to do with the Saint Nicolas of old.
Santa Claus as we know him now couldn't possibly be human. He never ages first of all and he seems to be able to make any toy by any company anywhere in the world, skills that would be impossible for any human to posses. Not only that but his uncanny ability to make all these toys without violating copyright laws is definitely superhuman. Add to that his unswerving knowledge of which kids have been bad and which kids have been good that is somehow powered by a unique form of telepathy that would violate just about every privacy act in the world. We know very well that Reindeer can't fly and that a sled can only hold so many toys but Santa Claus is the exception to all of these rules. We tell our kids that he can deliver any present to anyone anywhere in the world as long as they are good. We don't question how we just accept that he can. We use the word magic to explain it if we even bother to attempt to explain it at all.
If you've understood the title to this at all then you already where I'm going with this. If you don't then read more carefully because it only gets more complicated. God sits in its/hers/his kingdom somewhere on high and watches over all of us. God knows who has sinned and who has been faithful. God waits in his kingdom to welcome those who have served him well and send away those who didn't do what was needed of them. We don't know how God can see all of us all of the time and on high is simply another way of saying on top of the fucking clouds somewhere. In truth no one really knows where heaven is, at least Santa Claus is in a definite place. Like Santa Claus we don't know how or why God can do what he/it/she does we just accept that God can. We don't even attempt to explain it we simply use the word faith as some kind of proof or evidence.
Santa Claus was created as a symbol of Christmas. He is jolly, he loves all the girls and boys, he's generous and he laughs all the time. We look forward to seeing Santa Claus every year and yet we never do. We just wake up one morning and there are a bunch of presents for us. We send Santa letters and when we get the presents we asked for in the letter we jump for joy. We feel the Christmas spirit and we are encouraged to give generously to those less fortunate once we are older. We still look up to Santa Claus long after we stopped waiting for him to bring us gifts just bought the shit our damn selves. Santa was created to do just that, make us feel good about this time of year. Be jolly, give gifts to our family and help those in need.
God was a creation of human beings as well. People looked up at the sky over their heads, down at the ground under there feet and wondered Where did all this come from? The only answer they could think of at the time was God, or a God of some kind. It made sense, humans came from other humans in fact they knew that all that lived came from other versions of themselves. So somewhere out there in a realm they couldn't see or touch or anything else had to be some entity of some kind creating all of it. So we used God, this image, this figure loosely based on ourselves to explain why we are the way we are. The problem was that some people couldn't really grasp this concept so they came up with versions of God that they liked and then other people came up with other versions that they liked and so on until there were a multitude of gods that did everything from raise the sun to hunt in the fields to piss on the bushes. I won't talk about the other versions of God because there's no point, I'll just stick with the one.
Now the Christmas holiday isn't exactly the creation of the world but there are parallels. The holiday is important to Christians and someone had to explain why. Saint Nicolas for whatever reason that is lost to the pages of history was used as a symbol of the Christmas holiday and that symbol survives unto this day. It may have changed forms and purposes several times between then and now but the basic concept is still the same. Someone at the top of the world watches all of our children and grants them gifts based on their behavior. If they are good they get toys, if they are bad they get nothing, or coal depending on how you look at it. Sound at all familiar? It should because the heavenly father or God as we all call him/her/it does exactly the same thing only God's rewards aren't limited to a single day every year. Ever been told Don't do that, God is watching you. or You may not know it but God sees everything you do whether you know it or not.? Probably, some of us more than others and some of us are like me and heard it from people other than our own families. Santa Claus is coming to town's line of better watch out, better not cry. is pretty much the same ideal when you look at it side by side with what God does. God's rewards work differently than Santa's though but that isn't the real issue here. The plain and simple fact that someone is watching our every move and somehow knows every aspect of our lives from birth to death is what is being discussed right now.
Now right now you're probably saying something along the lines of But Christmas is about the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. So? This wasn't titled What Christmas is all about was it? This is about how God IS Santa Claus. Humans created both and to serve the same purpose. To keep our kids in line and make sure they behave. No Santa doesn't promise to save our souls if we worship him but God doesn't give us jack shit every year until we're dead. Even then there's still no guarantee. You've got to tow the line from start to finish and never stop otherwise its all bad news for you. And since God wasn't enough to do it humans came up with Santa Claus to fill in the gaps.
As for Jesus Christ being the only begotten son of God I don't really care. His birthday is a day of celebration for millions around the world. Even if we don't realize the original meaning of Christmas most of us don't really give a shit because we've got Santa Claus. That's another reason why Santa Claus was created. Not all of us really cared about the birth of Jesus. Not as much as Christians anyway. So Christians gave them Santa Claus, probably because they felt that everyone around the world should care about Christmas Day no matter what. So we tell our children to be good little boys and girls and Santa Claus will visit them and give them gifts on Christmas Day. We raise them to believe this from day one. We tell them every year as that magical holiday looms over the horizon to be good or they won't get gifts from Santa Claus. But what do we tell them the rest of the year? That God is watching. So riddle me this Batman, if Santa is supposed to be watching us then why don't we tell our children that all year? Why is that during most of the year it's watch out because God is watching and then suddenly its watch out because Santa is watching? Does God take a vacation every year? Black Friday shoppers might think so. But seriously why does the concept change just because of the coming of Christmas? There really can only be one explanation, God IS Santa Claus.
They do the same things it just depends on what time of year it is whether you tell your children God is watching or Santa Claus is watching. They both keep an eye on us and they both reward us for being good and punish us for being bad. And yes, they are both very real. Here's why.
I'm not going to talk about that over published letter to Virginia Yes Santa Claus is real because you believe in him. I'm going to tell you about what God and Santa Claus both really mean. When I was younger I struggled over the concept of Santa Claus because well, I just couldn't figure out how one man could do all that. He couldn't possibly be human. But yet there was his picture just about everywhere. Hell he even had a real name so there had to be something to it. Then one day while I'm in line at Wal Mart it hit me. It was a Power Wheels Jeep and it landed right on my foot. I was wearing sandals at the time because I was in Florida which is 90+ degrees all year round so it hurt like a bitch. I yelped in pain and the guy that dropped it gave me more apologies than I ever thought one human being should be allowed to give. Thing is I really wasn't mad, I was in pain but I wasn't mad at his lack of coordination and grip in his hands. In fact I remember laughing. It was the time of year for shopping chaos so as far as I was concerned things like this were bound to happen.
I thought about that on the way home. What makes it okay to drop a Jeep Wrangler on my foot this time of year but not any other? Why the fuck were we shopping for this crap in the first place? Spiritual obligation? Requirement of consumerism? Mercury in Retrograde? The answer was as obvious to me as it was absurd. Santa Claus. Santa makes us want to buy things for our loved ones, Santa isn't a person at all, Santa is the spirit of giving in all of us that comes out when we want it to. The spirit of giving makes us want to give gifts and make others happy. Santa was created as an image of that spirit that is inside all of us. That one spirit that brings joy and happiness now matter what lands on your foot.
God is also real because God is exactly the same thing. That image that embodies the creation of all life and it's existence within itself. God is the image humans created so they would have something to look towards when they wondered what the hell is going on, how did life come to be and why does it get taken away? Why is the world the way it is and what made it this way? To human beings it only makes sense that everything around us was created by someone because we create things around us as well. God has his/it's/her own special way of doing things and that's what makes it/him/her God and we accept it. How do millions of presents fit into one sleigh and get delivered overnight? Fed Ex and UPS sure as hell want to know. However, no one understands that either we just accept it.
God is Santa Claus folks, they share the same holiday, they do the same things and they embody many of the same concepts. WE created them both and WE give them both life. Without us God and Santa Claus would cease to exist. That's why they are one in the same.