brokenbroken

I figured it out. the answer was always with me i just had to wait for it to come. i am about slowing things down. mello, calm atmospheres. i am the one who knew about taoism before i knew about taoism. and so many signs, for instance this screenname, points to this attitiude. this attitude i seem to have lost. but thankfully i have found...
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aheh...uhhh.. yeah... i'm back... for now... lost is what i am really. but i don't care. i'd rather stay here. and away from trying. trying to be something. today i think i'll just try to be. but maybe this is just sunday talkin. sunday... what is supossed to be my holy day of rest becomes a day of hate and immorality... but i really don't...
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I'm such a loser. why did i sign up for this thing? i'm having a crisis of belief here on a porn site that i paid a whole years worth for. God tests and i fail. time and time again... i fail. he has an infinate love while mine has been squeezed to it's final ounce and i feel like i could never love him...
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Since i've joined SG and actually for a while before that.. i have been fed up with life and yesterday i remembered why.

After about a month away from church because of work, i went back. and although i was blown away by how much i actually missed singing the hymns.. i really didn't feel like being there. and i felt this way because i...
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My eyes yearn for beauty.. for a unique texture.. for a diamond in the rough. my soul travels this earth... winding through channels of turmoil, frustration, joy and doubt. on this bank there stands a lonesome energy she is bold, provocative and free. i savory her essence experiencing her experience and i am comforted.

With this entry i signify the beginning of my end...