brocklee

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
Vin Diesel wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Whenever Vin Diesel plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some pussy who can't climb up a plastic slide.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
When Vin Diesel deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.
Vin Diesel sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
Vin Diesel doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
Dairy Queen used to be Dairy King before Vin Diesel made it his bitch.
Vin Diesel has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.
Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Vin Diesel."
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel's orgasm leaves an exit wound.
The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Vin Diesel, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
Vin Diesel is the only one who can "try this at home."
Vin Diesel always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
All of Vin Diesel's genes are dominant.
When Vin Diesel put on the One Ring, the Nazgul just said, "Fuck it."
Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you." Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends. It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood".
Vin Diesel's daily schedule goes as follows:

- Ride dirt bike through flaming hoop and appear badass
- Do something badass
- Wake Up
- Eat something badass
- Nap
- Watch The Price is Right
- Say cool one liner
- Throw cigarette in slow motion into Gas-covered bad guy
- Sleep in pit of snakes
Vin Diesel impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round, 165 7.479
Vin Diesel coined the phrase "Pardon my French" after picking up a French man and using him like a bat to club people.

If you are within one mile of Vin Diesel and you drop your toast, it will always land butter side up. Always.
Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Vin Diesel's blood type is WD-40
Vin Diesel can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.
Vin Diesel actually has hair, but it's beauty is too great for mortal men to behold. As such, he appears bald to all but the purest of heart.
Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
When Vin was asked why he never goes to the bathroom, he replied, "What happens in Vin Diesel, stays in Vin Diesel."
Vin Diesel became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
Vin Diesel had a little lamb who's fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Vin Diesel went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.
Vin Diesel was originally cast as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings. He was fired for eating the Hobbits between takes and making Orlando Bloom his bitch.
When he was nine, Vin Diesel dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy.
Vin Diesel takes the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" literally. He once ate Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, and Russel Crowe in one meal.
Vin Diesel is the SI unit used to measure fear.
Santa Claus actually did exist until he forgot to give Vin Diesel the entire Hardy Boys collection series for Christmas.

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children
Circles exist because Vin Diesel beat the crap out of some squares.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give Vin Diesel a fish and he'll stuff it up your ass and skull-fuck your daughter.
When Vin Diesel plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
As Vin Diesel approaches zero, zero runs like a little bitch.
Getting murdered by Vin Diesel counts as a natural cause of death.
Vin Diesel once met Fabio on the street. Vin burst into laughter, Fabio burst into tears, and every passing car burst into flames.
The book "Wost Case Scenario," discusses ways to run from many different deadly animals. The page entitled "Running from Vin Diesel" simply says "Good luck."
If Vin Diesel was an ice cream flavor, he'd be Mint I'll-Smash-Your-Face-In-With-A-Shovel. When Vin Diesel gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.
When Vin Diesel talks about "pumping iron," he's actually referring to masturbation.
Every Christmas, Vin Diesel dresses up in red, climbs down chimneys, and steals children to work in his salt mines.
The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Vin Diesel was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
Only once has Vin Diesel ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
Vin Diesel beat Ray Charles in a staring contest.
Vin Diesel knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.
Vin Diesel survived abortion.
If Vin Diesel fell in the forest, and no one was watching, it would sound like Beethoven's Ninth. If he fell in the forest, and someone was watching, he would beat that guy to a bloody pulp. But the screams of agony would still sound like Beethoven's Ninth.
Vin Diesel's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
As part of his morning routine, Vin Diesel stretches by defeating 20 armed ninjas that jump out of various household appliances.
Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions shit themselves.
Vin Diesel defied MC Hammer and touched it.
Vin Diesel irons his shirts while he's wearing them.
A few people can lift Thor's hammer, but Vin Diesel's the only one who can beat Thor's ass with it.
Vin Diesel never laughs in the face of danger, he tells it to back the fuck off.
Nobody appreciates pacifism more than Vin Diesel, and if you don't believe him, he'll tear your kidneys out. Nobody appreciates irony more than Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.
Weeping Willows are a result of Vin Diesel yelling at trees for not being tough enough. 95 6.968
Napoleon lost the battle of Waterloo because he couldn't speak English, and Vin Diesel wouldn't lower himself to speaking French.
Vin Diesel likes his emo kids sunny side up.
Vin Diesel has been known to ridicule Jesus for taking 3 days to rise from the dead.
Vin Diesel invented the spanish language because he liked the word "pantalones" and needed a language to use it in context.
Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
The first Dungeons & Dragons card deck came to be when little Tommy Schmit found Vin Diesels misplaced photo album, "Things I Shouldn't Have Had Sex With in the Middle Ages."
Vin Diesel doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
The gaping hole in the Periodic Table of Elements once contained all of the elements used to create Vin Diesel. The government omitted these elements in future publications of the Table out of fear that rival nations could make their own Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of him to grow. Vin Diesel appreciates candle-lit romantic dinners, long walks on the beach, and stomping your fucking face in.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach Vin Diesel to fish and he will rid the ocean of all perceivable life forms.
Leap years are caused by Vin Diesel holding the earth back from rotating.
When the girl from the ring climbed out of Vin's TV, he stood up, cleared his throat, stretched calmly, and booted her straight back in.
Vin Diesel doesn't use sunblock; the sun wears Vinblock.
Vin Diesel is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, Vin Diesel wins.
When you enter a certain cheat code into The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay, Vin Diesel shows up at your house and beats the game for you, but then he breaks your thumbs for cheating.
If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel invented the Swiss Army Knife then founded Switzerland so that there would be an army to use it.
Vin Diesel once talked an Amish housewife into buying a toaster
There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.
Vin Diesel is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand. Vin Diesel once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however Vin still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.
When People get hungry, they go to their refrigerators. When Vin Diesel gets hungry, he goes to an orphanage