I'm home in Ft. Lauderdale and it makes me realize a few conflicting things.
1. I could totally move home and be okay down here. I'd be away from all the boys who broke my heart (on more than one occasion for some of them), I'd be out of my friend's place, I wouldn't have to work because I could just go to BCC down here, I could see my best friend every day, and I'd get to be around my pets. Oh, and I could go visit my grandfather, who was just diagnosed with prostate cancer.
2. I couldn't move home. I miss everyone too much already. I would miss Rocky. I can go to Valencia up in Orlando and live in the new apartment me and Andrea found and my parents will pay my rent while I get my AA/AS and then I could go to UCF and finish my degree. I'd get to be around my best friends up in Orlando. And even though it's not healthy, I'd be close to him, and even just being in the same city puts me at ease. Even if he doesn't want me.
3. I want to move to New York. I want pretty badly to just up and go and leave everything behind I know. I wouldn't want to move up there by myself, of course, so some part of my old life would go with. But I want to pursue my dreams. I want to go live my life. I want to stop feeling like I'm standing still and not going anywhere. And I might kind of want a break from the Weirdoes.
I don't know what to do. I'm at a turning point in my life, I think. One that I didn't see coming. I love Orlando. I love everything about it. The kitschy tourist feel it has to it, the theme parks, the random tourists who can't drive, my Weirdoes. But is that where I truly need to be? Everything has some kind of memory to it there. I find myself going places just because he might be there. I can't live my life in love with someone who doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I might just need to up and leave.
1. I could totally move home and be okay down here. I'd be away from all the boys who broke my heart (on more than one occasion for some of them), I'd be out of my friend's place, I wouldn't have to work because I could just go to BCC down here, I could see my best friend every day, and I'd get to be around my pets. Oh, and I could go visit my grandfather, who was just diagnosed with prostate cancer.
2. I couldn't move home. I miss everyone too much already. I would miss Rocky. I can go to Valencia up in Orlando and live in the new apartment me and Andrea found and my parents will pay my rent while I get my AA/AS and then I could go to UCF and finish my degree. I'd get to be around my best friends up in Orlando. And even though it's not healthy, I'd be close to him, and even just being in the same city puts me at ease. Even if he doesn't want me.
3. I want to move to New York. I want pretty badly to just up and go and leave everything behind I know. I wouldn't want to move up there by myself, of course, so some part of my old life would go with. But I want to pursue my dreams. I want to go live my life. I want to stop feeling like I'm standing still and not going anywhere. And I might kind of want a break from the Weirdoes.
I don't know what to do. I'm at a turning point in my life, I think. One that I didn't see coming. I love Orlando. I love everything about it. The kitschy tourist feel it has to it, the theme parks, the random tourists who can't drive, my Weirdoes. But is that where I truly need to be? Everything has some kind of memory to it there. I find myself going places just because he might be there. I can't live my life in love with someone who doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I might just need to up and leave.
anyway, fly me there and ill be your bitch =p
oh oh and lets go move to nyc together. then it wont be so scary...
and also, is that a pic of jennifer hudson i see?? i love her... more tham i care to explain. her cd is in my car and i belt with her when i need to...
imma message you, kay?