1. I've waited all week to write about this, so get comfortable.
Tomorrow, my dear friends, is the big day. After hemming and hawing and bitching about money for almost TWO YEARS... I'm starting my full backpiece tomorrow afternoon at 1:00p. A history:
I got my first tattoo practically the second I turned 18. It was a small kanji piece I had my heart set on for years, and it came out just the way I wanted. There's a huge backstory to the tattoo - it wasn't just 'sexy' or 'hope' or anything like that. It had meaning to me and it was kanji for a specific reason, too( defensive, much?? Hah.). Anyway, the experience was incredible and I soon wanted more. The next time I was back in Toronto, I had my best friend create a simple piece to surround the kanji (on my lower back). A day later, Pete at Passage was puttin' it on me once again.
This was the end result:
Fast forward a few years - I began to get that familiar itch. I liked my tattoo, but living in New York for that much time really opened my eyes to the quality of work that's out there. I was also surrounded by people with phenomenal pieces, and it inspired me. My ex-girlfriend had most of her work done at a little place called New York Adorned on the Lower East Side, and after some research I knew that this place was the best of the best and that I had to get some new work done there. At this point in my life, Dan had just moved in with me and he was also looking for a good tattoo artist. So we checked out the site and decided that Miss Stephanie Tamez's work was closest to the kind of stuff we wanted. We booked a consultation.
Meeting Steph was definitely one of those moments where we knew right away that she was the one. Aside from being downright awesome and more fun than a barrell of monkeys, her work was unbelieveable and she had ideas that blew our minds. She far surpassed everything we expected. We both booked time on the same day and left the shop with big grins on our faces. Come tattoo day, we were greeted with smiles and hugs and the day went as smoothly as possible. She was quick and easy-handed, but her focus was perfect and the pieces we left with were gorgeous.
Here's one of my birdies:
A few months after that, Dan decided to start a backpiece, and I knew I wanted more work on my back, too. The piece on my back seemed disjointed to me, it needed something significant to pull it all together. So we went back to Adorned to book more time and talk with Steph about what we wanted. I told her I didn't want anything too massive, maybe something that went about as high as my bra strap. She said she'd do some research and come up with some sketches and ideas for our next consultation. When I returned, she showed me a bunch of sketches, then finally prefaced her favorite idea with 'Now, I know you said you didn't want your whole back...' - then she showed me the picture. It was breathtaking - it fit the work I already had perfectly and the image itself was absolutely stunning. My aformentioned best friend and Dan were with me, and they agreed that though it was bigger than I had originally planned for, they couldn't have imagined anything more perfect. I told Steph I needed to think about it and that I would book some time when I came across some cash - hopefully by that time I'd be decided.
Turns out that not only was I broke for the next year and a half, I couldn't make up my mind on the tattoo. So I just waited and waited. In the meantime, Dan started his backpiece/coverup:
When I saw his work progressing, I became increasingly jealous and would whine about the fact that fiscally speaking, I'd never get the chance to start my piece.
Skip ahead to March, 2005: Dan gets new that his tax return will be particularly hefty this year, and he surprises me with enough money for my first session. *squeal!* I was happy as a clam and determined as fuck to start my work asap, so I booked a consult with Steph. We talked, and she was as excited about it as she was in the first place (two freakin' YEARS ago!), so we booked May 7th and I dropped my deposit.
And that's when the 'OHMYGOD's came in. And they're still there, kinda. But I'm coming to realize that it's normal. I've been talking about the whole situation with a lot of different friends with different levels of tattoo coverage (haha!), and the simple fact is that every single anxiety I have is based on other people's opinions and judgements. I wrote about it back in November in THIS thread from the Tattoo group...
It's taken me almost a year to come to one simple conclusion:
Every one of my fears is based on what OTHER PEOPLE THINK.
And you know what? I trust my artist. At my wedding, I think I WILL have a backless gown. And everyone can admire the gorgeous piece I have there permanently. My family will love me and respect my decisions, otherwise it's not my issue, it's theirs. People can point and stare all they want - I'm an attention whore anyway. Regret is a CHOICE, and I don't choose it. My kids are gonna think I'm a doofus no matter WHAT I look like - they're KIDS. I'll prolly be the coolest Mom on the block. And frankly...when I'm 60, I'm probably not gonna give a flying fig newton WHAT my body looks like. I'll be wiser than that.
With all the 'alteration' I see happening around me on a daily basis - from hair straightening to boob jobs to makeup to facelifts to kickboxing classes to style overhauls to control top pantyhose - it's hard for me to understand why this tradition of adorning your body with beautiful artwork is still so taboo. I mean, I THINK it's becoming more and more acceptable as we develop as a society... but sometimes I feel it's just the opposite. Pardon me, but what exactly is the big fucking deal here?? I'm not getting a lobotomy - I'm not changing who I am. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, I'm only ENHANCING who I am.
But it's not a perfect world and I know that I'll run into situations and people (Dan's mother, for example) with whom I'll have to deal differently because of how I've chosen to represent myself. I'm not going to lie, it makes me nervous. And I think that that's just another reason to do it - I try to do things that make me nervous as often as possible. How else can I grow?
So, thank you. Thank each and every one of you on this brilliant site for opening my eyes a little more every day. Especially Twwly, NicoleLee, Chloe, freyja, ymonster, tmronin, Lexie, _mike_, Krrn and of course NBK66... I'd be a total pussy if it weren't for you guys.
Tomorrow is going to be a transformation for me, and I don't only mean physically. And I want to meet the day with a smile on my face and piss and vinegar coursing through my veins. As my friend Twwly said to me in a moment of doubt: I'm no longer going to be a girl with tattoos. I'm going to be a Tattooed Girl.
I can't fucking wait.
Everybody enjoy your weekend. And do something, even just one little thing, that scares the shit out of you. Who knows what might happen.
