brittanee

Sorry, I notice I tend not to update on weekends. I'm always working overnights and then sleep the entire day away, and then work again. My mom and I are kind of better. Not sure if my friends are allowed back yet, but I don't want to push it to find out.

I'm really hurting on the inside, but I'm doing better on not showing it. And I'm starting to take bad new better. Well, like I said, on the outside. I'm trying not to let things bother me as much anymore. But, it's mostly being held on the inside, and is due to come out at some point. I also know two people in the past month that tried to kill themselves. I'm having a lot of will power not to do that. I feel bad that they couldn't hold it in anymore.

Part of the reason for this is that I'm completely devoted to this kid. I feel when he is doing something that might hurt me. I either get sick, can't sleep, or have nightmares about what's happening. I wish I could stop these. They have me all over the place.

Right now, I can't sleep. He was even right next to me and I slept a whole two hours after being up since 8pm on Sunday....

I guess I am off to clean. It's one of the many signs that people know i'm stressed/upset. I let it all out by cleaning and listening to music.

~ Brittanee


[I can't promise I'll be okay....]