Imperfect ranting time!
I realize that we are coming up on a time where someone relatively notorious or famous will arrive at schools across our country and give students a pep talk. These people will talk about overcoming obstacles, weathering the adversaries of the past to attain success of the future. Basically, change is inevitable so just do it. Change yourself into someone better, smarter, faster, more worthy. But we cant change junk into gold. Dont we have to start with a wonderful ingredient to gain an incredible product?
Im not saying Im perfect, or infallible, or a role model. But I believe I am a sort of inadvertent role model, since we look to other humans to dictate our place in society. Im not saying to fight the resistance or not to change for the better, but I do want us all to embrace our mistakes and our imperfections. Because we are a great product that can be improved upon, we can all be the best people we can be, all because we have started with the best raw ingredients from our genetics.
Why am I writing this all out? Maybe because Ive gotten to this point in my life that I realize through my friends and students that everyone has insecurities. Maybe because Im sick of wonderful and beautiful people defining themselves as unworthy through the perceptions of others. Maybe because I realize I might only have 30 years left and I dont want to waste the rest of my life the way I wasted the last half of my life.
We cannot control what people think of us when they see us. Its human nature. But we can control how we define ourselves. I wasted a lot of my life taking my body and my mind for granted. If someone liked me, it was a fluke. If someone disliked me, they were right, I should change to a more neutral, inoffensive version of myself to please more people. Yes, there were times when I thought I was pretty awesome and did what I wanted to do because I was smart or pretty, or rarely, at times both.
But as I reach the end of my 20s, I wish I had the courage ten, 15, or 20 years earlier to appreciate who I am. My frizzy hair that I hated, I now love because it reminds me of my dads hair. My big bosom that I hated because it was either pornographic, motherly or unhealthy, Im now quite proud of it, because it reminds me how strong my mom is fighting breast cancer. My short frame and weight that I hated made me not want to eat in hopes that I may look more generically attractive, I can now appreciate because I am lucky to be healthy and have it to do activities I love.
I can now appreciate who I am and what I am because my body housed and nourished a smart brain with good ideas. My body, although not perfect, allows me to swim and dance and sing and act and do things I love and causes me great daily happiness. My body has always taken care of me, even when I havent fed it, walked it or appreciated it. I always thought it was not good enough for me, but over the years, I admit, I have been proved wrong.
Other people who did not think similarly to me told me my ideas were stupid, silly and bad. I was told that I couldnt wear that or that I can only look a certain way because of my shape. I wasnt worth other peoples time because of how I looked, what I said or how I acted. I was an inconvenience on public transportation or in warm weather because I took up too much unattractive space. My self worth was exponentially decreased if my dress/pants size were in the double digits. I really wished I hadnt wasted so much of my life listening to this, forgive my language, but shit.
So anyway I am saying this now because I see and hear other people with similar but different issues. If you are thin, fat, marked with scars and birthmarks and acne, tall, short, have bad hair, too tan, too pale, you hate your hands, or you dont like your feet, whatever None of these outward things matter. Isnt uniqueness important to society? Isnt diversity of ideas, backgrounds and outward appearances important? I believe they are. I know others that do too. And I regret the years I limited myself because I thought I had nothing to contribute to others. I regret not asking people out because I admired them. I regret not going swimming when it was really hot. I regret not eating chocolate in front of other people in fears theyd say Oh, no wonder shes unhealthy. I regret dying my hair brown when I wanted to have blonde hair. I regret not going out in fears it would make me look less smart. I regret not saying something when I thought I had a good idea that went against the status quo. I regret not applying for a job because I did not think I was qualified or smart enough. I realize now that even when I was chastised for doing these things, feeling bad for two seconds by someone else was not as bad as feeling bad for months or years because I wasnt proud of who I was. Rejection never hurt as bad as not being proud of myself.
So, yes, society and other people will try and define you. But so what? We have to be a part of society in order to be successful. However, we can all think these things, but until we bring them out and talk about these issues, were never going to change anything. Were never going to be happy in whom we are and what our backgrounds are if we allow this myth to pervade our thoughts and actions.
So yes, maybe this might have been more effective coming from that famous person in a springtime scholastic speech, but I dont think so. You know me. I think from that simple fact may allow you to be proud of yourself in he same way that I have become proud of myself. And why I am proud of you and why were friends.
Will I not change just because Im happy with what I am currently? Of course not! I can only get better. I can take better care of myself to live longer so that I can have more ideas, learn new dances, sing new songs, and try new things. I want everyone to have that chance. Oh yeah, and I dont want to be seen as someone who simply is an androgynous or asexual waste of space I want to be, and will be, a genius sexpot. So there. The more people who are brave to put themselves out there, I believe that society will change for the better; we will become healthier as a society. We wont have people being alone and outcast, we wont have girls not eating because they dont like themselves, we wont have people with good ideas pushed aside and into obscurity.
Anyway, thats my rant. Im glad I was able to get that out in the open and express that to others because I love you the way that you are. I want us all to be the best, different, versions of ourselves that we can be. And I dont want us to all wait until we are halfway done with our one life to realize they could have done so much more.
I realize that we are coming up on a time where someone relatively notorious or famous will arrive at schools across our country and give students a pep talk. These people will talk about overcoming obstacles, weathering the adversaries of the past to attain success of the future. Basically, change is inevitable so just do it. Change yourself into someone better, smarter, faster, more worthy. But we cant change junk into gold. Dont we have to start with a wonderful ingredient to gain an incredible product?
Im not saying Im perfect, or infallible, or a role model. But I believe I am a sort of inadvertent role model, since we look to other humans to dictate our place in society. Im not saying to fight the resistance or not to change for the better, but I do want us all to embrace our mistakes and our imperfections. Because we are a great product that can be improved upon, we can all be the best people we can be, all because we have started with the best raw ingredients from our genetics.
Why am I writing this all out? Maybe because Ive gotten to this point in my life that I realize through my friends and students that everyone has insecurities. Maybe because Im sick of wonderful and beautiful people defining themselves as unworthy through the perceptions of others. Maybe because I realize I might only have 30 years left and I dont want to waste the rest of my life the way I wasted the last half of my life.
We cannot control what people think of us when they see us. Its human nature. But we can control how we define ourselves. I wasted a lot of my life taking my body and my mind for granted. If someone liked me, it was a fluke. If someone disliked me, they were right, I should change to a more neutral, inoffensive version of myself to please more people. Yes, there were times when I thought I was pretty awesome and did what I wanted to do because I was smart or pretty, or rarely, at times both.
But as I reach the end of my 20s, I wish I had the courage ten, 15, or 20 years earlier to appreciate who I am. My frizzy hair that I hated, I now love because it reminds me of my dads hair. My big bosom that I hated because it was either pornographic, motherly or unhealthy, Im now quite proud of it, because it reminds me how strong my mom is fighting breast cancer. My short frame and weight that I hated made me not want to eat in hopes that I may look more generically attractive, I can now appreciate because I am lucky to be healthy and have it to do activities I love.
I can now appreciate who I am and what I am because my body housed and nourished a smart brain with good ideas. My body, although not perfect, allows me to swim and dance and sing and act and do things I love and causes me great daily happiness. My body has always taken care of me, even when I havent fed it, walked it or appreciated it. I always thought it was not good enough for me, but over the years, I admit, I have been proved wrong.
Other people who did not think similarly to me told me my ideas were stupid, silly and bad. I was told that I couldnt wear that or that I can only look a certain way because of my shape. I wasnt worth other peoples time because of how I looked, what I said or how I acted. I was an inconvenience on public transportation or in warm weather because I took up too much unattractive space. My self worth was exponentially decreased if my dress/pants size were in the double digits. I really wished I hadnt wasted so much of my life listening to this, forgive my language, but shit.
So anyway I am saying this now because I see and hear other people with similar but different issues. If you are thin, fat, marked with scars and birthmarks and acne, tall, short, have bad hair, too tan, too pale, you hate your hands, or you dont like your feet, whatever None of these outward things matter. Isnt uniqueness important to society? Isnt diversity of ideas, backgrounds and outward appearances important? I believe they are. I know others that do too. And I regret the years I limited myself because I thought I had nothing to contribute to others. I regret not asking people out because I admired them. I regret not going swimming when it was really hot. I regret not eating chocolate in front of other people in fears theyd say Oh, no wonder shes unhealthy. I regret dying my hair brown when I wanted to have blonde hair. I regret not going out in fears it would make me look less smart. I regret not saying something when I thought I had a good idea that went against the status quo. I regret not applying for a job because I did not think I was qualified or smart enough. I realize now that even when I was chastised for doing these things, feeling bad for two seconds by someone else was not as bad as feeling bad for months or years because I wasnt proud of who I was. Rejection never hurt as bad as not being proud of myself.
So, yes, society and other people will try and define you. But so what? We have to be a part of society in order to be successful. However, we can all think these things, but until we bring them out and talk about these issues, were never going to change anything. Were never going to be happy in whom we are and what our backgrounds are if we allow this myth to pervade our thoughts and actions.
So yes, maybe this might have been more effective coming from that famous person in a springtime scholastic speech, but I dont think so. You know me. I think from that simple fact may allow you to be proud of yourself in he same way that I have become proud of myself. And why I am proud of you and why were friends.
Will I not change just because Im happy with what I am currently? Of course not! I can only get better. I can take better care of myself to live longer so that I can have more ideas, learn new dances, sing new songs, and try new things. I want everyone to have that chance. Oh yeah, and I dont want to be seen as someone who simply is an androgynous or asexual waste of space I want to be, and will be, a genius sexpot. So there. The more people who are brave to put themselves out there, I believe that society will change for the better; we will become healthier as a society. We wont have people being alone and outcast, we wont have girls not eating because they dont like themselves, we wont have people with good ideas pushed aside and into obscurity.
Anyway, thats my rant. Im glad I was able to get that out in the open and express that to others because I love you the way that you are. I want us all to be the best, different, versions of ourselves that we can be. And I dont want us to all wait until we are halfway done with our one life to realize they could have done so much more.