So I was going to post about how I'm sorry for breaking any boners out there... but then I changed my mind! Mainly because I think everyone knows how bad, lighting, camera angles and poses can infinitely change a person. I'm not saying I'm not THAT person from the last blog, but I am THAT and all of the other ones in my pictures. I am a million infinite possibilities in one corporal being.
Let me explain, I'm in a bit of a metaphysical mood. I saw Tom Stoppard's "Arcadia" the other day and all I could think of is how we are 1) products of our choices in life - there could be a million parallel "what if" lives co-existing with our current one, ghosts of an existence that could have been or will be with our next choice of free will. 2) We are a million different people based on what we choose to show or reveal in our outward appearance. I can be that glamourous girl with nice hair and make up, tone all my muscles up and stand just right to the advantage of showing off my figure (as Jane Austen might say in one of her books) - or I can look pregnant by shoving out my gut in a way to get a bus seat (don't judge... work is hard some days); or look homeless by wearing my oldest and rattiest clothing so people won't mug me. Even here at SG, I feel that there may be a lot of people who feel the need to conform to certain images because of what some people were like back in the day. I think we all pick out things we want to be or do in order to conform to groups: it doesn't matter if it's a tattoo or a boob job - we all want to change our selves in some way as social creatures, even if it is a rebellion of the current status quo, we still use it so that we may defy it.
I guess I'm just caught up in a question of free will lately. How many of my decisions are because I really made them versus what my society has dictated towards me? Why do I still sometimes feel like shit because of the way I look, no matter what I look like?
I think if I had a fulfilling job and was actually back in school - I'd have less time to live inside my own head and run laps (when I probably should be running physical laps!). I even thought about volunteering, but I'm making so little, volunteering is a little difficult for me right now when I could be making money. This is going to sound crazy, but there are somedays I feel like the real me, the "soul" part of me looks out through my eyes and wonders what it is looking at in the mirror or why is it floating forward in space when I'm walking, just a general sense of "What the fuck is that and why the fuck am I here." notion of existence.
Okay enough of being an amateur physicist and crazy. For a simpler notion of my life, I make delicious vegetarian food:
\
Mexican style! Mmm...
Oh and I love you guys for sticking with me through my alternate side of attention whoring and self-indulgence which didn't involve sexy pictures (which I suppose really ALL of my blogs, or anyone's blogs, are - we strive for connection and showing off ourselves in an advantageous light: see the PS for my philosophical ranting on that), and I've decided I am sorry for breaking any boners - they didn't deserve to be broken.
XOXO
PS: I think that back in the day, we didn't have much of a choice of what we could talk about with other people because we did not have a choice of going outside our small worlds. So we had to conform to our own communities and perceptions in order to fit in our society. Our free will was shaped and conformed into what our communities believed. BUT with the abilities of blogs and internets, we have a better ability to find others who believe what we do, people who we like and get along with outside our IRL. BUT This has also led to a problem in our problem solving abilities. Because the internet allows us to avoid people we don't like, it has devolved our social skills into "trolling" and people taking any attack personally and retaliating in an immature manner. So even though our benefit far exceeds these problems (i.e. we now have a community of choice, not out of proximity or necessity), we still lack some social skills that we only solved by negative community experiences. Does that all make sense? Okay, I think I'm going off to go explode my head now.
Let me explain, I'm in a bit of a metaphysical mood. I saw Tom Stoppard's "Arcadia" the other day and all I could think of is how we are 1) products of our choices in life - there could be a million parallel "what if" lives co-existing with our current one, ghosts of an existence that could have been or will be with our next choice of free will. 2) We are a million different people based on what we choose to show or reveal in our outward appearance. I can be that glamourous girl with nice hair and make up, tone all my muscles up and stand just right to the advantage of showing off my figure (as Jane Austen might say in one of her books) - or I can look pregnant by shoving out my gut in a way to get a bus seat (don't judge... work is hard some days); or look homeless by wearing my oldest and rattiest clothing so people won't mug me. Even here at SG, I feel that there may be a lot of people who feel the need to conform to certain images because of what some people were like back in the day. I think we all pick out things we want to be or do in order to conform to groups: it doesn't matter if it's a tattoo or a boob job - we all want to change our selves in some way as social creatures, even if it is a rebellion of the current status quo, we still use it so that we may defy it.
I guess I'm just caught up in a question of free will lately. How many of my decisions are because I really made them versus what my society has dictated towards me? Why do I still sometimes feel like shit because of the way I look, no matter what I look like?
I think if I had a fulfilling job and was actually back in school - I'd have less time to live inside my own head and run laps (when I probably should be running physical laps!). I even thought about volunteering, but I'm making so little, volunteering is a little difficult for me right now when I could be making money. This is going to sound crazy, but there are somedays I feel like the real me, the "soul" part of me looks out through my eyes and wonders what it is looking at in the mirror or why is it floating forward in space when I'm walking, just a general sense of "What the fuck is that and why the fuck am I here." notion of existence.
Okay enough of being an amateur physicist and crazy. For a simpler notion of my life, I make delicious vegetarian food:
\
Mexican style! Mmm...
Oh and I love you guys for sticking with me through my alternate side of attention whoring and self-indulgence which didn't involve sexy pictures (which I suppose really ALL of my blogs, or anyone's blogs, are - we strive for connection and showing off ourselves in an advantageous light: see the PS for my philosophical ranting on that), and I've decided I am sorry for breaking any boners - they didn't deserve to be broken.
XOXO
PS: I think that back in the day, we didn't have much of a choice of what we could talk about with other people because we did not have a choice of going outside our small worlds. So we had to conform to our own communities and perceptions in order to fit in our society. Our free will was shaped and conformed into what our communities believed. BUT with the abilities of blogs and internets, we have a better ability to find others who believe what we do, people who we like and get along with outside our IRL. BUT This has also led to a problem in our problem solving abilities. Because the internet allows us to avoid people we don't like, it has devolved our social skills into "trolling" and people taking any attack personally and retaliating in an immature manner. So even though our benefit far exceeds these problems (i.e. we now have a community of choice, not out of proximity or necessity), we still lack some social skills that we only solved by negative community experiences. Does that all make sense? Okay, I think I'm going off to go explode my head now.