brinny

(my friend kira wrote this, i liked this when i read it)

I feel like a reformed nonsmoker, constantly trying to convince my friends to quit; preaching the repetitive my lungs feel better, Im healthier, come join me, live longer but with relationships.

I see so many of my friends with people who they cant stand or that dont deserve them, needless to say some out of convenience, some because they dont have the strength to stand on their own, and some, in more abusive situations, stay because they get off on being treated like shit. And it makes me sick.

We all abuse the saying you only live once when were out partying or doing something we know is potentially stupid but why dont we remember the reality of that statement when it comes to the people we choose to give ourselves to? Why are relationships the exception? We all sit quietly while we watch the people we care about damage their lives with someone pitiful? Believe me, Ive been that pitiful someone, more times than who Ive been becoming recently (like I said, reformed nonsmoker). I just wish it were acceptable to speak up more, because damage is damage regardless of what type of vessel its hiding in.

But I dont put all the blame on any specific side of it, because no matter what we convince ourselves ofwe are ALL capable of leaving. We should take the warning signs for what they are and get out before it gets harder. I cant stand the lie of fighting is caring because it isnt, fighting is fighting. Of course no couple is perfect, but there are PLENTY of people out there who are compatible and dont need noise and anger to get their point across, they dont need control to show how much they love. If you want to spend time with someone you care about, it should be because you enjoy every second with them NOT because youre terrified of them being out without you. We arent children; our lovers shouldnt be our toys we dont want to share. We shouldnt throw temper tantrums when we get bored, put them down, and someone else picks them up to play with. People arent property.

Ive always been that crying kid in the corner pissed when someone goes after my abandoned Tonka Truck. But I finally realized love isnt a plastic novelty, its a completely separate living and breathing thing that survives on its own and if youre lucky enough to find it, youll play together equally; neither of you less or more.

When youre in these unhealthy relationships you think what you have is high, but more than likely thats only because youre so used to being low. I found my high and Ive got to tell you, everyone around me looks like a tiny ant from up here. And a lot of us are similar to ants, standing in line obeying our queen, repeating the same wasted effort for someone who doesnt even actually love us. Well, Ive definitely been an ant before but even worse Ive been the queen, either wayI still got squashed underneath the foot of something bigger.

-kira