brinny

i am in tears.
My camera is broken.
I only have one photography camera.
It is my baby, we were a team.

I have done most everything with that camera.
I knew all its ticks and imperfections. i knew how to use it perfectly.
it always did what i wanted and if it didn't, I ALWAYS knew how to make it do what i wanted.

I would get it fixed but there is no place here in Iowa that will do it.
Sending it away would cost a ton.......especially with what is wrong with it.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
the cost to fix it could buy me a new cheaper one.
blah!

I might just die without a camera.
I dont have any money for a new one either.
fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am freaking out, i am so sad.
I feel like my soul is gone.

no camera = no brinny

this day better get better... eck.
i have to go, my belly hurts and my heart stings.
i have no boy anymore, and no camera.
Now what could be worse?
nothing really.

someone put a spell on me, i know it.

eckk... and i just got the ickiest text message ever..
"i have to move on" and more lovely words such as this.
it is funny how attitude and anger can come across threw text messaging.
I hate this all. The more you push me, the farther i am getting.

Blah broken heart and broken camera, ahhh, the irony of my life.

I am going to the science center today with amber.
Maybe this will brighten my day... ha!
i know it wont.

I need some freaking sunshine, everything is falling apart.
I am going crazy.


"When the sun falls and the rain pours "

I am shaking and shivering,

I am shaking and shivering,

my hands are cold and my heart is breaking.

Ice drops hitting my face and burning my skin

sliding, sliding all down my face as water drops.

my best moments are supposed to happen when it rains,

this rain is drowning me,

it makes it hard to breathe,

the rain is hiding my tears but freezing them to my face.

my chest is roaring with sobs like thunder.

And memories are hitting me like bolts of lighting.

The gloom, the gloom.

This mud of dirt i lay in, soaked in earth and salty tears.

I am truly alone.



There was this sunshine once.

there was this early morning clarity.

I had it once, i bathed in it.

It shined on me and made flowers grow.

But the clouds roared in and the sirens blow...

here i am my own backyard, feeling so far from home.



-Brinny Joy




Mister Wishryder wrote me a nice lil testimonial that i do have to admit made me smile alot!
he knows me extremely well and for him to say what he did, means alot.
I don't feel so fabulous right now so thank rue!

"You really are a puzzle to me.

You're not just some ordinary puzzle though. People keep taking pieces of you. Some pieces you've given away, and some have been destroyed. But what makes you special is that you aren't happy being with those empty places. You live life looking for pieces that fit. You gathered pieces from everyone you've met and everything you've seen.

Even though one piece might look very different from the next one, you find a place for all of them. I think people look at the individual pieces of you and miss the masterpiece you have created, and I think you overlook it too. Your life may seem chaotic sometimes, but you find the pieces - bright ones, gloomy ones - and you make it work, and it all makes you that much more amazing.

The brinny puzzle might be a little abstract, but I think it's beautiful. I'd gladly give you any piece of me that might help you feel more complete.

he also made this..