bria

It's been a year exactly since I cut you out of my life. I had a few back steps for a few weeks but I did it. I left you. I spent NYE last year crying my eyes out over you and the next few weeks feeling as low as I've ever felt in my life. Then something happened...I had an after work drink with...
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Thank God Mark was an only child. He was the kind of person that would have given any sibling a rival so intense it would have created hatred. Hatred was the driving force of him still. He hated himself so thoroughly it was impossible to understand for most, including me. He was amazing at everything he did. So insanely smart the only thing his brain...
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sonofabitch emo Bran calm down!
Its amazing how much can change in the time that I think to write here. I've moved, met an amazing man that gets the quintessential ridiculousness that is me, and I'm bordering on happy. I'm stressed about finding a new job and terrified to put myself out there in the "real job" workforce but fuck it.
In retrospect I"m glad...
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someone called me beauiful last night. Even if he was wasted and wasn't even trying to hit on me....it made my night, and made me blush.

Im making New Years Resolutions for the simple fact that I'm tired. I'm doing it because I don't like my life and where I've ended up. I've allowed myself to be compleacent so long that now I"m miserable. I want love in my life, I want to not be lonely, I'm tired of doing everything myself. I won't find solace with that with my current...
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Romance is getting up to go to the kitchen for water when you're both too hungover to move.........that's what I want.

I love you- Love, me

i write this to you bc it's always ben easier that way.....
You helped me. You comforted me when I didn't have the strength to go on. You held me while i cried and you took the burden of something you didn't think was your own problem. you turned the heat up so I would be warm and told me to stay in bed. We...
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I miss everything and nothing. I'm tired, loved, confused, etc...I want a night laying in bed with someone I love and trust, smoking cigarettes and laughing. I need easy. complicated is just that right now....to fuckin complicated.

I've crossed a line...I can't ever go back. All the pain, the heartache felt so substantial...until this. My life is forever different and all I can think to do is be relieved. All I can say is "I feel better". All I can think is "thank god it's over" I can know I've successfully lied to everyone and that no one is the wiser. I...
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I just don't even really give a fuck if I'm late for work tonight.....they can all suck it!

lately it just seems that everyone is running aimlessly, hurting, throwing that hurt back on everyone else. Its some vicious cycle of hurt. I literally feel like everyone I know is hurting and dying inside for various reasons. Maybe its because of my surrounding, bars bring in sad ppl, I'm always in bars so of course everyone around me is sad. It feeds my bad...
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