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brendastarr85

Atlanta

Member Since 2006

Followers 14 Following 10

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Wednesday Jan 25, 2006

Jan 25, 2006
1
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People who don't believe in astrology don't have many friends.

Depression is abounding throughout the lj universe. It's caught me too.

Eck. I've been feeling like a bad stepmother lately. Rachael's been acting up a lot lately. She can be a perfect angel during the day, when it's just me, but when everyone else gets home, all bets are off.

She called me "Mama" at the park today. It took me a while to realize that she was just playing a pretend game. Sometimes I wonder if the kids just see me as just a bossy child. Sometimes I wonder if that's what I really am.

I've been giving some thought to childhood and adulthood and the difference between the two. When I'm happy, I feel very childish. I used to worry about it. I'm afraid that sometimes I'm not very mature, especially when I feel happy. I confided that worry to vanuslux a while ago. His response was, it's ok to feel childish. It's ok to be a happy adult. It's ok to have fun. "Growing up" doesn't mean that I need to burn a permanent frown on my face.

I have a lot of trouble remembering that. As a kid I was trying to be a grown up really fast. I didn't smile a lot. I think I have more fun now as an adult than I ever did as a kid. I was silly.

I find it hard to see my own growth. Others see it in me a lot, but I have trouble. I spent a great deal of time trying to tear down my real feelings and my real thoughts. Now I spend time trying to recover them. They have a wisdom that I just can't make up with the help of society. I'm trying to grow into myself, not out of myself.

More Blogs

  • 01.28.06
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    Saturday Jan 28, 2006

    We had to be there without wyspurr for a while. I have trouble feelin…
  • 01.25.06
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    Wednesday Jan 25, 2006

    People who don't believe in astrology don't have many friends. Dep…
  • 01.24.06
    3

    Tuesday Jan 24, 2006

    Well, here I am, by popular demand. Hi everybody.

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