bredbyaliens

i dont want to kill myself, i just dont give a fuck if i wake up tomorrow.

can anyone truly let me know if they understand EXACTLY what i mean.

i can be so much fun and i love nothing, nothing more than making people laugh. however, its not a cure, its just a manifestation and a release.

realization and releasing is good. however who the fuck wants to keep emptying the garbage. imagine if i figured out how to recycle the garbage to benefit myself and others. funny how personal problems mirror global ones.

not that anyone will ever read this is irrealavant. thats my self deprecation chiming in.

its always been good for me to tell my stories. self indulgent, desire to be the center of attention, desire to free myself from guilt? I dont know. but i do it. and it makes me feel good.

you have to think that there are so many stories we could conjure up if we really talked. i was remembering sooooo many things when i was talking to an old friend on saturday. you know, like remembering something for the first time since you forgot it. rediscovering a story and retelling it to someone and they remember for the first time. i love it.

im just waiting to figure out where im gonna go for the next month or so. talking to someone for an hour or so a week and medication just isnt cutting it. oh yeah, im not doing either of those things besides prescribing my self the solutions.

I FUCKING HATE ADMITTING DEFEAT.