I'm feeling dreadfully sorry for myself.
As a Christmas present to my roommates, I promised I would stay and watch the house and pets while they go off to Florida. All my friends will be celebrating with family or out of town. I will be alone. And I, succor for punishment, will be spring cleaning, because it will be easier without everybody around. Oh joy.
And THEN, for New Year's, I will be visiting my parents in Tennessee, who do not celebrate. What friends I had there have moved away, thank god for them. My mom and grandmother (who are the real reasons I'm going to visit) will go to bed around 8pm. My dad will stay up and watch the ball drop. I will be in my old room, with the light off so my pervy dad doesn't come and talk to me, pretending to be asleep while I count off 2006.
It's just.... THAT room, that situation again, in the dark in a room with a door that doesn't lock, pretending to sleep, dreading hearing his footsteps come down the hall, hoping so hard he doesn't open the door. He CAN'T do anything to me now. I KNOW that. Yet I'm still crying thinking about it. What he did when I was growing up has already "come out". As a family, we're supposed to have moved beyond that. It's past history, we're supposed to not mention it anymore.
And I think, what a way to welcome in the new year, hiding in the dark.
As a Christmas present to my roommates, I promised I would stay and watch the house and pets while they go off to Florida. All my friends will be celebrating with family or out of town. I will be alone. And I, succor for punishment, will be spring cleaning, because it will be easier without everybody around. Oh joy.
And THEN, for New Year's, I will be visiting my parents in Tennessee, who do not celebrate. What friends I had there have moved away, thank god for them. My mom and grandmother (who are the real reasons I'm going to visit) will go to bed around 8pm. My dad will stay up and watch the ball drop. I will be in my old room, with the light off so my pervy dad doesn't come and talk to me, pretending to be asleep while I count off 2006.
It's just.... THAT room, that situation again, in the dark in a room with a door that doesn't lock, pretending to sleep, dreading hearing his footsteps come down the hall, hoping so hard he doesn't open the door. He CAN'T do anything to me now. I KNOW that. Yet I'm still crying thinking about it. What he did when I was growing up has already "come out". As a family, we're supposed to have moved beyond that. It's past history, we're supposed to not mention it anymore.
And I think, what a way to welcome in the new year, hiding in the dark.
The real gift card should be at your home soon. Have a safe and wonderful holiday.
I'd love to be there with you sweetheart xxx (my glare has been known to kill)