brandonlongwood

for the greater part of the last 10 years or so, i have been using the internet in some way, shape or form to seek or enhance sexual activity. i have gone from seeing a "fast internet connection" meaning a 14k modem to DSL and Cable internet being the default for most home users. i was around at a time when internet access cost a whopping $9.99 PER HOUR...a price plan that i am happy to say, died after a few short years (but not before fattening Steve Case and AOL's coffers).

the internet has transitioned from being a geek toy to being a must-have item for everyone. ive done the newsgroup thing. the cybersex/chat room thing. the phone sex thing. the "use someone elses photo and say that its you" thing. iive taken self pics and used my webcam to prove that i am who i say i am. ive met females for sex within hours of meeting them online. ive discovered men pretending to be women to pick up men (shudders). in short, i have done a lot of shit and i have encountered a lot of people and experiences that i probably would not have encountered (as easily) without the internet.

the fact of the matter is, just about EVERYONE loves sex. moreover, just about everyone has desires, fantasies or cravings of a sexual nature and the internet allows for easy and anonymous access to explore that side. unfortunatey, our perceptions of societal norms create barriers that cause most of us to react in certain ways. and most of those ways involve hiding these cravings from those around us -- spouses, co-workers, family, and friends.

in my lifetime, i have seen two grass-roots movements gain mainstream acceptance and prominence. twenty years ago, both the hip-hop and the gay communities were misunderstood and seen as undesirables by the majority of society. in the time since, both have come to be powerful forces for social change and commentary. both hip-hop and gay-friendly themes have become accepted, reluctantly, by society as a whole. and while there is still a great deal of misunderstanding and in some cases, hatred for these communities, it is undeniable that they have forced society at large to reevaluate perceptions of what is acceptable.

i feel its time for a new movement. our parents grew up when it wasnt right to talk about sex or our bodies. they responded with burned bras and free love. we grew up in an era where people were clearly enjoying sex and sexual images and themes were used to promote products and lifestyles...we just cant talk about it. my children grow up in a world where song lyrics are not just sexually suggestive, they are pretty damn descriptive. magazines like maxim and fhm and cosmo tell us about the sex we should be having and the fantasies our partners have...if we could only talk to each other about it.

for a society as advanced as we would like to think of ourselves as being, we still act like children when it comes to sex. we still allow everyone else to determine what is acceptable sexual behavior. no matter how sexually liberrated we may like to think we are, there is a comfort zone for most of us that once outside, we begin to feel weird.

this country has no problem talking about and dealing with hurtful things. we can send kids to war. we can build prisons. we can support the death penalty. we can increase police forces in communities. but we are all thumbs when it comes to things that feel good.

we cant talk about sex. we cant talk about porn. out of sight, out of mind. if you change the lyrics to use any one of the FCC approved words, you can talk about something that you arent supposed to be talking about because its no longer "offensive". as long as you dont show this body part or that body part, you can simulate certain activity and stimulate certain emotions even though you cant say what is actually going on--and then you are free to show it online, in magazines or on television.

i dont think there is some conspiracy afoot to create a sterile society. but i am fearful that our inability to embrace our natural sexual nature and experiences creates the potential for a cold and lifelesss world. its great that we can all enjoy this shit online in the comfort of our own homes and privacy. but that isnt doing anyone any good.

most of the people that i have met and shared substantive interactions with are NOT depraved perverts. they like to look at pictures and videos of people having sex. they like to look at pictures of naked people. they like to be called names and fantasize about different kinds of sexual encounters. they do things that they feel others would think less of them for. but they dont realize that they are in the majority and not the minority.

david carradine has a monlogue at the end of kill bill volume 2 in which he talks about the difference between bruce wayne/batman and clark kent/superman. in short, he says that bruce wayne was born bruce wayne. he puts on the costume to become batman. but superman was born superman. he puts on the costume of clark kent, to become human.

this has resonated with me significantly because i feel that my sexual "awakening" if you will has been made possible by my online activities. sure, i was a freak/slut/whore/whatver before i got online. but i have also begun to feel as though for the first time in my life, i am doing those things that speak to who i really am on the inside. i am a sexual person by nature. always have been and always will be. and i enjoy what i do online from the sites i visit to the people i meet. i am becoming increasingly unashamed of this and i hope to work with and encourage others to step out of the shadows and force this society to change what it deems as acceptable.

if we have to hide who we are and what we really enjoy in order to be defined as human or normal, maybe its time to rewrite the definition.