brainlessbear

Hey! Here's a story for you... I wrote this as a prose... sort of Gonzo Journalism. Enjoy.


I don't expect I can keep on like this, you know.... it's too much. Like sand sweeping along with the tide. It's a terrible thing. I went out to get new sheets, but I was shot down at every turn. I know this feeling, but I can't explain it. I feel tied down. I feel like my neck will explode. I know I've eaten... but what is that horrible smell? The taste in my mouth - that's blood? Shit. I go to Charlie's... get a bite to eat... too much. So little of anything substantial. Nothing gets rid of that taste. Coffee - sugar... laughing... my tongue is moving... it will burn in the morning, I think, perhaps tomorrow. Everything is fine. It was the perfect time for this outing. Fitting anyway. I used the last of it, I'm sure. But what? What have I done? Is this what he was referring to? Alienation... self awareness - too much time has passed. This can't be right. I've gone too far this time. Is there any going back? Have I said too much... He's thinking the same thing, I can see it in his eyes. After dinner a quick drive to the store... but for what? I remember a conversation about oreos but I know that there's something more. In the back of my mind there's something tearing at my consciousness. Ignore it. 'You'll remember soon enough' I thought. "Jesus, look at that shit!" I pointed frantically to the car with some sort of vile contraption strapped to its topside.

["He's after you too..."] Jesus added. This was just too much for me to take. I reared up and spun around to face the jerk parked across the median behind us.

"I'll get you you sick bastard! I'm on to you... You'll not take me alive... unless unconscious!" Any other remarks were halted as the car took a sharp turn and sent me spinning and falling back into my seat. 'Damned seat belts.. much too safe for any proper sort of confrontation' -

"Oreos ...[other words I seem to have forgotten]" Jesus tells me. These words vocalized bringing to mind something I must have been muttering about raised a new sense of connection with the world around me. How strange. How distant my vibrations were getting. It wouldn't be long before I snap.

"Jesus, that's right! You're right on with that shit. Quick on your toes." I rattle off in feverish reply. "Assuming you were... on them... standing, yea?"

"[That's right...]" Jesus insists. How much longer could I continue before he snaps my fucking throat? How far could we go before we turn into deranged animals twisting and turning around the other... trying to find the vein. The ever-flowing fountain of youth. Fuel to the soul, another mans blood can only suffice for those so depraved and over the edge. Who's blood tonight? It was only a matter of time.

Perhaps it's close to the end, but we arrive and it becomes a race against the clock before my bladder expels its fluid. I race in my rigid walk to the men's room, all the while noting each set of eyes locked intently on my being. "Jesus! They're all watching! There's no getting away from these fuckers" There was a muffled response from behind me... I looked to my side but could not chance a full assault... No knowing when someone might catch me off guard. They'd get me for sure. After what seems an eternity I enter the restroom... the door held open as the janitor seemed fairly compelled to allow the rest of the world to join in on this sick display. I stand at a urinal as some bastard has taken the only stall available. No rest for the needy... I could not avoid the pest behind me, staring with apparent delight at this show. I pissed, but not quick enough. Is it always this crystalline? So clear... no color at all. Too much alcohol in my system, and yet, not enough... and what else was there? There was no telling.
Everything fucking automated. It takes me a goddamned minute or more to realize that no use of knob or button will flush, dispense water or allow any other action I would so love to do to allow me to leave this place! And the bastard just standing there with his pot belly and pony tail just laughing... teething jutting out of his slacking jaw. 'You fucker! You did this just to spite me, didn't you?' I thought.
More walking. I know I need something else, but what? I haven't gotten a thing at all. No cash. Everything is just an elusion to something bigger... something grander and more spectacular. I want to cry and scream. No. None of that you bastard. Just keep on walking and get out the door with your dignity in tact. TV appliance, bed sheet and pillow cover, dignity. I pay for it all and leave carefully... slowly with an eye over my shoulder. Try not to attract attention and watch for anyone who might creep out of the fucking shadows.
The ride home takes much too long. He's coming out as we arrive. Still trying to remember why I had so much trouble with the door and with the seat belt... and why the goddamned grocery bag was acting in such a terrible manner. 'Why do you pieces of inorganic shit hate me? What have I done to harm you? Just keep it together'
"[...]I come out and you come in..." He began with apparent coolness. "Remember [...] We talked at length a night ago?" He was hiding something. He asks me for a cigarette. Jesus helps me locate them. Then the man starts to go on about the brand. It took every ounce of strength not to holler obsceneties at this point. I just wanted in the house and away from the outside world and here he was complaining about the color of the cigarettes... Wait, where have they gone? 'Oh, you fucker, that was my last pack' I cower behind my roommate waiting for the bastard to disappear.
"Is he gone?" No... he was still standing right there... and still murmuring something. I creep toward the door. Can he see me? Everything becomes a little more dim.
Laughing. Realization of the apparent alienation. What am I doing? What is the meaning of all of this? Perhaps now we find out what will happen and then we can go on with a sense of resolution and self awareness. Maybe this was the confirmation that we were in need of? Sleep now is totally out of the question. Only evil thoughts and unpleasantness can come of allowing myself to sway to such a juncture in the evening... er, mornings events. I must find something to rid myself of this terrible jolt. The shivering. It's all too much to handle right now. Does everyone submit themselves to this sort of sick depravity? If so... is it to find meaning or reason in life, perhaps? All these questions surface with no answers to follow them... and certainly no real hard evidence to back them up. That scared look in his eyes. I just can't get the look out of my mind. None of it real, maybe, yes, perhaps? No... It's all surreal, but very true. Indeed. We are plummeting to an altered sort of hell. We all know it and call it by so many different names... I need more coffee. Yea-

-CS 2006 (http://candy-shards.deviantart.com)