Public Service Announcement
Seen the previews for the UNDERWORLD movie?
Wow, the creativity of today's filmmakers. Vampires vs werewolves... where DO they get these great ideas?
White Wolf Publishing seems to think they know, which is why they sued Sony over the similarities between their VAMPIRE games and this upcoming film.
It must be hard being a "Goth." Not only must you endure being part of the most embarassing American subculture since Trekkies, but your lifestyle-fealty is rewarded by crap like this.
And it IS crap, let there be no doubt. Whether or not it's lifted from White Wolf's poseur-a-thon VAMPIRE games, the UNDERWORLD movie is going to suck like, well, Lestat de Lioncourt after a long sleep. The preview scenes alone damn it:
* John Woo-style gun ballets choreographed by people who don't have a fraction of Woo's directorial skill.
* Shiny leather bodysuits and "urban goth" fashions. Vampire clan or opening act for KORN? You make the call.
* Slow-mo backflips a la THE MATRIX. Because THAT camera trick is still as fresh and interesting as it ever was.
* The frosted blue and black pseudo-German Expressionist photography that Tim Burton made popular in the first BATMAN movie.
* Oh yes - we musn't forget the eardrum-smashing, MTV-ready, "hip" aggro-rock soundtrack.
What we won't see:
* Artistically-inventive narrative elements.
* Any original story or character ideas.
* Smart and memorable dialogue that doesn't read like, well, bad Vampire fan fiction.
* Characters and conflicts to give a rat's ass about.
In sum: Loud, cliched, stylish and stupid. It should be a big hit.
Seen the previews for the UNDERWORLD movie?
Wow, the creativity of today's filmmakers. Vampires vs werewolves... where DO they get these great ideas?
White Wolf Publishing seems to think they know, which is why they sued Sony over the similarities between their VAMPIRE games and this upcoming film.
It must be hard being a "Goth." Not only must you endure being part of the most embarassing American subculture since Trekkies, but your lifestyle-fealty is rewarded by crap like this.
And it IS crap, let there be no doubt. Whether or not it's lifted from White Wolf's poseur-a-thon VAMPIRE games, the UNDERWORLD movie is going to suck like, well, Lestat de Lioncourt after a long sleep. The preview scenes alone damn it:
* John Woo-style gun ballets choreographed by people who don't have a fraction of Woo's directorial skill.
* Shiny leather bodysuits and "urban goth" fashions. Vampire clan or opening act for KORN? You make the call.
* Slow-mo backflips a la THE MATRIX. Because THAT camera trick is still as fresh and interesting as it ever was.
* The frosted blue and black pseudo-German Expressionist photography that Tim Burton made popular in the first BATMAN movie.
* Oh yes - we musn't forget the eardrum-smashing, MTV-ready, "hip" aggro-rock soundtrack.
What we won't see:
* Artistically-inventive narrative elements.
* Any original story or character ideas.
* Smart and memorable dialogue that doesn't read like, well, bad Vampire fan fiction.
* Characters and conflicts to give a rat's ass about.
In sum: Loud, cliched, stylish and stupid. It should be a big hit.