Mood: ‘A Father’s Love’ by James Dooley
Many Days of a Father
I have never been fortunate enough to be a father. As far as I know, anyway. The closest I may ever come is to be There for my niece after my brother Doug’s passing. I may even have been a Father Figure from time to time, but none of that comes with the full understanding of what it is to be a father.
I have been fortunate enough to have my father in my life for some 20,937 days. By the time I came into his life he’d been a father for almost 4 years. if you know me, I think and hope you would believe he did a good job. Sure, I have my faults, but I am pretty sure I can say they all came from me; I cannot think of any bad things or habits that he had have become mine. There are good ones, such as my wonderful (some will swear ‘twisted’) sense of humor, my work ethic, my creativity and such (though I would be remiss not to understand these are also from my mother; they’ve only been together for some 25,18o days).
All of that said, it is bizarre for me to wrap my head around not having a father in my life, not having parents who remained married for more than three decades and good parents at that. This is in no way meant to cast aspersions on those who have not had this life’s experience; I can only relate what I know of such a relationship.
Almost Six Decades of Father’s Days
The past few years have been rough ones for Dad. He is 85 this year and his health is on a slow decline. It began with short term memory issues that have progressed over five or so years to almost no short term memory at all. In five minutes me may ask the same question five or more times. The thoughts are there, just not the recall that he already asked. Long term memory is solid, more solid than mother’s or mine!
He has had a bad knee from several operations to a total knee replacement, but the knee still gives him pain, so he’s been on pain meds for some ten years. With his memory issues it is mostly up to Mom to administer these. Over the last six months he had had various gut issues, the most serious being a UTI that has kept him cathetered for most of the last four months. This was being handled slowly and the most ‘trouble’ for us, keeping him moving slowly as the catheter would irritate him more the more he walked. Eventually he became part of the couch, sleeping on and off all day and night.
Until recently…
No More Father’s Day…Almost
Now, I fully understand that there may be another decade of having my parents sticking around and that is if I am very fortunate. I will not enjoy the loss and shift in my life when they go, but such is Life. This year it was almost Dad we lost.
About two months ago Dad slowly became worse and worse. No energy, sleeping more than waking, in pain all day and slowly less energetic and aware as the weeks rolled by. Finally, after complaining of stomach pains and not eating for fear of vomiting, which he did twice in three days, and missing a few urologist appointments and needing a new catheter EMTs were called and the miracles began. We were to find that he had a a hernia through which enough intestine and bladder had migrated through, the intestine enough to block the normal progression of waste, causing a back up, causing the pains and vomiting. The bladder, as if happened, was even twisted through the hernia. This may have been the total cause of the UTI issues and definitely why he could never fully empty the bladder.
The Miracle(s)
The very day we got Dad to the ER and a CT scan revealed the issue, we were informed that surgery needed be done ASAP, and there just happened to be such a specialist surgeon operating that moment, and he agreed to do the surgery! We had him to the ER at about 2 in the afternoon and he was through the surgery and in recovery by 2am the next morning.
He remained in the hospital for almost two weeks. In that time he recovered and rebounded amazingly. The first few days were scary as we were unaware that dementia patients can have a rough time coming off of anesthesia, and he did seem a lot more addled for those days. But afterwards his awareness was back, he was more energized than before and, although he was bedridden for most of the first week, they got him up and moving, too. As he had been so inactive for a good month, it was recommended that we get him into a rehab facility, one aimed more towards physical therapy than drug rehab. We found one close to home, maybe five miles away, and visited him daily while there.
As an aside, his sort term memory issue has been a Blessing in disguise, as he cannot remember much of those painful weeks, the surgery or even the hospital. However, Dad is back, his sense of humor never left him and all the nurses and physical therapists had a fun time with him. It is very good, though, to have him back, mentally, as he was before all this ‘fun’ hit.
Just this last week he was released from the rehab facility and is now home! Also this last week, three weeks out from his surgery, he had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon and we found there was another miracle in all of this: although the surgery went great, and although the twisted bladder that was through the hernia came back to full health moments after being put where it should be, the doctor told us that the blockages caused by there hernia were so bad that we were very lucky to get him into the ER when we did, else he may not have made it…
Tradition!
For as long as I can remember, whenever we have been together as a family or Sunday Family Breakfasts have been bagel breakfasts. We kept them going, Mom and I, while Dad was in the hospital and rehab facility and so he missed about five bagel breakfasts. What a wonderful Blessing to not only have him home again, but have him home again just before Fathers Day and for theSunday Family Bagel Breakfast for Father’s Day!
I Guess I Am Dad…
Finally, I realized I am a sort of a Dad to some unruly children.
CC and JJ, respectively, (Cute Cat and Japolo, Jr.), these are the children I take care of and clean up after. I really can’t train or teach them a damn thing, but I do all the required cat dad affections that bond us, so I suppose there is a little bit of a celebration I can enjoy. Hopefully not another plate of catnip laced Brownies….
