I Must Be Blunt About 420
In truth, I am fine with people who indulge in anything, as long as they are adults. This goes for drinking, smoking, drugs, sexual preferences and how you identify. It has nothing to do with me. Except…well, I’ll get to that a bit later in this blog.
Low on the list of things that I decided to divorce myself from ‘social media’ is the day of 4/20. There are certainly other days that people go nuts with over said ‘social media’ and I am perfectly aware that is my own observation and means nothing to anyone else (nor should it) but the endless march of posts of people blazing up and utterly stoned and thinking ‘I am so fucking Cool!’ is just so damned pedantic and boring to me.
Still, as I say, this is my own perspective and has nothing to do with anyone else’s wish to dive into a sweet haze of THC. Hell, I enjoy a good buzz from some nice, sometimes expensive single malt or occasional Bombay Sapphire martini.
But I don’t post about it when I do. Not even on the national or international day of them.
It’s Alright To Be Yourself. Except When It Damages Another
Addictions can be a right sonuvabitch. They do damage primarily to the addictee, but have serious effects on the friends and loved ones of that (those) person (people). I have had a few experiences along these lines. One was many years ago when I was in high school (unintentional pun) while living in Alaska.At that time it was really easy to get just about any kind of drug you’d want with the Pipeline just going into full swing and $$ flowing like…well, oil.
One summer during a deluge of a rainstorm, a friend of my older brother, who I knew relatively well as we played AD&D in a campaign run by that brother, came a-knockin’ at the front door. I was alone at the time and he looked like utter shit, pale, wasted both in the physical and drugged sense, and drenched. He’d been wandering around for he couldn’t remember how long and when the high dissipated he knew he was close to our house. I made him soup, as I recall, and he told me how he has seen the Devil perched on his bedroom window sill, showed me how he was positioned, and figured he’d get himself out of there while also self-medicating. He had no idea how long ago that was. Not to date myself, but this was before cellphones were small enough to put in a pocket. Hell, the battery packs had a sling to slip over your shoulder! Any way, he had obviously not called home in that time and I do not recall if he did then, though I know I encouraged it and made sure he was more or less okay after that ‘trip’.
The next brush with an addiction was my first sexual experience. As it happened, it was with a nymphomaniac and she just wouldn’t let me stop. To the point that cumming was very painful. I was in my early twenties and so of course I was very game to fuck, she was sexy, she was willing and didn’t care I was a virgin, she was happy to show me all kinds of fun. She did. And it scarred me for a while. I was very fortunate I didn’t catch an STD, but like I say, when the blood and wedding tackle are up, the sex drive shuts down rational thought.
The one that solidifies the point of this blog. I met someone who became a great friend. She was a tall girl with a beauty but really pretty ‘normal’ looking. But we enjoyed the same things and got along well. She was married at the time, so it was strictly platonic, but she and her husband joined in on gaming nights and such. Maybe a year after we met, he cheated on her (or that was the given reason, anyway) and they divorced. I was there for her, as were many, and the friendship solidified. She didn’t want to get involved right away, so though I was interested I didn’t push. A few weeks later, she was involved with a new guy. This pattern continued for the next few years and occasionally I’d be on hand to be the Shoulder To Cry On. Then came the time when we had a good, long talk around Hallowe’en, one of our favorite holidays we both decorated like mad for. She was finally ready to see if she and I could be ‘an item’! I do not recall precisely why, but I had to leave pretty quickly after that, possibly it was around my mother’s birthday at the beginning of October. We planned on going on a date the next Friday and when we met up at her apartment, she had news! She met someone at the bus stop she took to work and they were going together! I will not go into further detail other than to say this was an addiction to that feeling of Falling In Love, that euphoric feeling of someone being interested in you, the infatuation of the ‘honeymoon’ period before the real work of loving begins. That hurt me deeply is all I will say.
What’s More Important: The Need To Smoke/Drink/Party or Your Lover/Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Partner/Wife/Husband?
Now, I have not had the best of fortune when it comes to my love life, I freely admit that. So far as I know, however, I have not been directly responsible by deed or action. However, once they cheated on me, I never really gave them a chance to make excuses, and I again freely admit that. All I have ever really asked of a relationship is to have as completely open communication as possible, so I may have ‘complained’ too much or ‘mansplained’. I do recognize my own faults and accept them, but some form of feedback is required to one’s actions that may be taken badly. Eh, I am off on a tangent, so back to It:
Personally, I will not be one who comes in second to an addiction. If we are in love, I will do my best to help. But if she is unwilling, or chooses the addiction over me, then I must take my leave. It is as simple as that; life has taught me some lessons and that is one of them.
Thanks, Buddy, I will!
Sis placabilis tibi!
